Thus Always to Tyrants
by Snoe
Summary: Prom ended differently. Why do images from the past always come to haunt us when we're fighting so hard to get past them? Spashley
1. Ab Initio

I finally decided to post this one here. Let me know what you think

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Disclaimers: I don't own anyone/anything you recognize.

Rating: M

**Thus Always To Tyrants**

**Chapter 1 – Ab Initio**

They didn't sound like gunshots at all, not among the frantic mass of people screaming and moving as if in slow motion. They sounded more like faint pops in the background, hollow, beating out an unsteady rhythm in the night air. The whole thing couldn't have lasted more than 30 seconds really, but it felt as if her brain was trying to play catch up, trying to muddle through the flashes of pictures in her head to join reality. The first thing she noticed were that the screams hadn't been in her head, in fact now that she felt the haze lift from her mind they seemed even louder than before. The second thing she noticed was the warm body pressed against hers, awkwardly draped across her as she lay on the cool cement. Then she remembered the look on his face as he fell against her, shock and pain on his features as she pulled him down.

"Aiden," she said hesitantly, trying to get her voice to stop shaking. She didn't know if the ringing in her ears was from the gunshots or the pounding in her head.

The boy didn't respond, however, merely grunted and Ashley pushed him off her slightly to look at his face. He was pale, but looking at her clearly, his mouth slightly open as if meaning to speak. He leaned up farther, trying to push himself up, but ended up sitting on the ground instead. Aiden lifted his hands in awe and Ashley noticed the blood glistening on them in the dim light.

"Oh my god, Aiden," her voice had taken a slightly panicked edge to it now and she reached over, trying to see where he was hurt. She stripped his tuxedo jacket off of him, flinching when he hissed in pain and immediately noticed the bright red stain spreading along his left shirt sleeve.

They locked eyes and Ashley swallowed hard, unsure of what was going on. The buzzing in her head had only grown louder and she noticed her hands were shaking as she reached out to touch his sleeve. There was a hole in his shirt and through it she could see the bleeding wound in his arm. It didn't look too bad, really, and Ashley grabbed his jacket to press against the wound. Suddenly she felt nauseous and swallowed again. The adrenaline must be wearing off, she thought, trying to keep her mind busy enough to not have a complete meltdown.

Someone had shot at them. Someone had been callous enough to spray a crowd with bullets, not caring who they hit. Ashley pressed a bloody hand to her forehead, willing the buzzing to stop. There was something else, something behind the noise pounding through her skull. She looked up and turned her head, noticing the other people around her suddenly. People running around in a panic, others on the ground crying and some forms weren't moving at all. Ashley blinked, feeling the bile rise in her throat. She turned her head to the other side. Nothing. And then the buzzing stopped, a clarity so sudden coming over her, she couldn't fathom not having realized it sooner.

"Spencer!" she yelled, already standing up, ignoring the dizziness at the motion. She turned in a circle, unseeing and lost, but her mind was so clear now. Ashley blinked again, wondering why her vision kept getting so blurry. She swiped at her eyes, streaking her face with blood and realized she was crying.

"Spencer!" she yelled again, fighting the rising panic within her. That's when she heard someone yell her name.

Ashley turned towards the voice, noticing Glen crouched on the floor a few yards away. He looked at her, so emptily that she thought she might throw up on the spot. She saw the flash of blue fabric on the ground next to him, saw Madison clinging to his arm and was next to them in an instant.

"Ashley," Glen rasped, his eyes bloodshot, his chin trembling. His eyes, she knew what they meant, but her brain refused to believe it. "Clay...he's...and Spencer."

"No," she said forcefully, surprising herself at the strength of it. Ashley knelt down across from him, oblivious to the concrete digging into her bare knees.

Spencer was still on the ground, her right arm spread out, the left draped across her abdomen. She was slightly turned towards Ashley, left leg drawn up and resting on the right. Ashley looked at the blonde's face, swallowing the sob wanting to escape. Her face was upturned, eyes closed and stained with blood from a bullet hole to the right of her forehead.

Ashley traced her fingers down the blonde's left cheek, gritting her teeth. This wasn't happening. "Spencer," she said softly, ignoring Glen who was sobbing across from her now. She hung her head, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. She tried to ignore the nausea, the dizziness, but they fought so hard to envelope her in their darkness. Ashley took a deep, shaky breath and opened her eyes again.

At first she thought she was imagining the blue eyes staring back at her, her teary curtain still blurring her vision as she leaned over her unmoving girlfriend. But after a few moments Ashley shook herself out of the web of dread that had settled over her and immediately grasped the blonde's hand lying on her abdomen.

"Spencer?" The girl's hand felt slightly cold to the touch and she gave no response. "Spence, can you hear me?"

The younger girl showed no sign of having heard her, but her eyes were still open, looking at Ashley fearfully. The brunette once again felt the same clarity from earlier take control of her and she glanced over at the blonde's brother.

"Glen!" She had to yell to get him to look at her, his eyes redder than before, but her voice was steadier than ever this time, "Glen, Spencer's alive. Give me your jacket and make sure someone called 911. Now, Glen!"

He looked at her blankly. He must've thought she was crazy and in a way Ashley understood. There was blood oozing out of a hole in Spencer's head, a bullet had entered her skull, but she was looking at the brunette so clearly. She was still there, Ashley knew, it was still Spencer. Glen took a few precious seconds to follow her eyes, noticing for the first time what she saw and shrugged out of his jacket to hand it to Ashley. She immediately draped it over her girlfriend to keep her warm and sat cross-legged on the cold ground, laying Spencer's head carefully in her lap.

Ashley leaned over the blonde, really seeing the bullet wound for the first time, the blood drenching the blonde hair and now pooling in her lap. But she ignored it, ignored everyone around them as she tuned out her surroundings and leaned forward so she could once again meet Spencer's eyes. She noticed the tears swimming in the blue orbs, Spencer's jaw working as if she was trying to speak and Ashley pressed a finger gently against the girl's lips.

"Shh, don't speak, Spence. Just stay with me, okay? Don't go. I love you, Spencer. Stay with me."

And she sat, oblivious to the blood drenching her clothes, to the harried voices around her, to the sirens and the flashing lights drawing near, watching the blonde. Even when Spencer's eyes drifted shut several times, Ashley never stopped watching over her.

* * *

It was strangely quiet. They were standing, all six of them, silently, though with an air of nervousness. It seemed wrong somehow, this inactivity, and she wiped a shaky hand across her forehead. The shakiness was only worrisome to someone who didn't know her, who hadn't seen her steady as a rock composure when the time came. A clock on the wall ticked loudly with every passing second, throwing an eerie echo across the silent room.

Dr. Jordan Black threw a questioning look at the head nurse standing in the trauma bay just a few feet from her. They all felt the same awkwardness, not used to standing around idly. Some of them had been paged for a mass casualty event and although they still looked as if they'd just rolled out of bed, they were all wide awake. Most of the victims of the shooting had yet to make it to the hospital, but the separate teams had been readied. Dr Black, as the most senior trauma resident, had volunteered to take on the more challenging case.

The dark-haired doctor threw another anxious glance at the wall clock. LifeFlight had radioed in about ten minutes ago, they should definitely have been there by now. The radio static had been bad and they were unsure of what the flight doctor had relayed, but Jordan knew it was likely to be grave. They didn't send a LifeFlight helicopter out into the middle of LA for nothing.

She looked up hearing the commotion at the end of the hall and immediately noticed the two guys dressed in flight jackets, wheeling a stretcher. The six idle people from just a second ago immediately sprang into action, each responsible for a specific job that they would complete to perfection. The stretcher reached the entrance to their trauma bay and Jordan stepped up. Her calm eyes and features betrayed the adrenaline now pumping through her. Jordan looked up at the paramedics, waiting for them to give her all the pertinent information.

"GSW to the right frontal part of the skull, no other injuries present. She was in and out during the ride. Pupils are responsive bilaterally. Pulse Ox is stable at 90, BP 80/60 and has been dropping steadily, pulse is 40 bpm. According to her brother there is no past medical history and no known allergies," the first paramedic rattled of in quick succession, stopping the stretcher in the middle of the room.

The girl on the stretcher couldn't have been more than 16 years old. She was covered nearly to her neck in sheets and blankets, but the doctor still noticed the blue, shiny fabric underneath. A prom dress, she realized immediately and brushed away the thought. Her eyes were closed, dried blood caked on her eyelids, cheeks, nose and forehead. A large, formerly white, gauze pad had been secured to her head, wrapped tightly with more gauze. Blood was already beginning to seep through. An oxygen mask was secured over the girl's nose and mouth and fogged up rhythmically as she breathed.

The team immediately moved the girl from the paramedics' stretcher to the trauma bay one, one nurse carefully holding her head to prevent excessive movement. Someone else drew away the blankets and began cutting the dress from her body, covering her with a thin hospital gown instead. Another nurse grasped the girl's hand in hers, the pale flesh standing out bright against the nurse's purple glove.

"Alright, start a rapid infusion of 2 liters Ringer's and type and crossmatch 4 units, she's going to need surgery. Someone page neuro and tell them to get ready. We need to get her up to CT asap," Jordan instructed her team, her voice steady and clear even across the hustle the room was now swept up in. Even though she could hear an increase in activity outside her bay, she was focused on nothing but the still girl on the stretcher.

Donning her own gloves, she removed the gauze from the girl's head, needing to assess the extent of the damage. The blood continued to ooze out of the wound, matting the blonde hair and staining the doctor's gloves. The brunette swallowed hard, realizing the girl had actually been shot in the head, this wasn't just a graze – this was serious. A slow, but steady, beeping filled the room as a tech hooked the girl up to a monitor and the doctor studied it with a frown. She couldn't even fathom how this girl was still alive, let alone breathing on her own. Her oxygen was low as was her blood pressure, but she was still alive and Jordan refused to let that change.

"Does anyone know her name?" she asked softly, looking around the room at her team.

"Her name's Spencer. Spencer Carlin, her mom works here." The voice was shaky, nevertheless it was loud enough to carry across the room and Dr Black noticed the brunette girl off to the side of the room for the first time. The girl was dressed in formal wear as well, but her dress and hands were covered in blood, her make-up smeared with visible tear tracks. She stood in a corner of the bay, a determined look on her face.

"Shit, someone find out where Dr Carlin is." Jordan momentarily closed her eyes at the dread of having to tell a co-worker that her daughter was close to death. Looking back to the girl, she sighed, wondering how the brunette had even gotten in here. She was trembling, arms wrapped tightly around herself, but it didn't look like she was moving. "Who are you?"

The girl frowned, shifting her weight and Jordan noticed the smears of blood on her forehead, "I'm...I'm her girlfriend, Ashley. Please, is...is Spencer gonna be okay?"

The doctor sighed, glancing back at the monitor as a nurse replaced the gauze with fresh pads until Spencer could be sent to surgery. The IV fluids seemed to have stabilized her blood pressure for now, at least and Jordan leaned over the girl to start her neuro exam. "Someone take Ashley to get checked out please, and give her something clean to change into. We'll let you know her condition when we know a little more, okay?"

Shining a light into both of Spencer's eyes Jordan was relieved and surprised to find them reacting normally. From the corner of her eyes she noticed a nurse gently trying to lead the brunette away, who refused, "No, I'm fine, it's not my blood. Please, just let me stay here with her. I have to know she's gonna be okay."

Not having time to deal with the girl, Jordan returned her gaze to her patient's, "Spencer. Spencer, can you hear me? Open your eyes, Spencer."

More than a few gasps could be hear around the room when the blonde wearily blinked her eyes open, suddenly looking at them clearly. Jordan expected this bout of consciousness to last seconds perhaps, but Spencer's eyes stayed open. It was easy to read the naked fear in them.

"Spencer, do you know where you are? Can you tell me what day it is?" Jordan continued her questioning, another test to assess the girl's neurological level. She didn't respond.

"Can you squeeze my hand sweetie? Let us know you can hear us," a nurse said from the other side of the stretcher. After a few seconds she looked at Dr Black, shaking her head no, and turned back to Spencer, "It's alright honey, we're gonna take good care of you."

Jordan reached for Spencer's other arm, applying painful pressure to the girl's fingertips. The girl immediately pulled her arm away, drawing it across her chest in a protective gesture. A nurse repeated the test on the other side, receiving the same response. Motor responses to pain were an important part of the neuro exam and Jordan was glad the girl wasn't completely failing. Nevertheless, the prognosis looked grim.

"Stop hurting her," Ashley said angrily and Jordan grimaced, having nearly forgotten the girl was still there.

"That's an 8 on the Glascow Coma Scale. Where the hell is Neuro? And someone please get the girlfriend out of here!" Jordan turned her attention back to the steadily beeping monitor, frowning at it. "Alright, push 25 g Mannitol, 50 mcg Fentanyl and keep the fluids wide open. We're gonna need to intubate before we take her up to CT," the dark-haired doctor ordered, standing back as the nurse injected each medication into the IV.

"What...what're you doing to her?" The voice now sounded a lot shakier than before and Jordan turned her gaze back to the brunette in the corner. Why the hell was she still here? Every time she looked at the brunette, the girl seemed to get more pathetic. The fluorescent lights made her look pale and the dried blood stood out ghastly on her skin. She looked extremely cold in her thin dress and heels, still trembling slightly. Jordan suddenly felt extremely sorry for her.

The doctor took the endo tracheal tube and endoscope from the nurse and stood at the head end of the stretcher. Spencer's eyes had slowly drifted shut again with the administration of the sedative and Jordan intubated her easily. A nurse quickly attached the ambubag, squeezing it every few seconds to breathe for the blonde. Jordan turned back to Ashley, figuring it couldn't hurt to provide some answers to the desperate girl.

"She's been sedated, we don't want there to be any more damage to the brain. We're going to take her up to get a CT scan of the head, so we can see where the bullet went. She's going to need surgery to clean the wound and take out any bullet fragments they can find. If she makes it through surgery, the first 48 hours are going to be critical. Now, you really shouldn't be back here and we're gonna have to take her to CT, but I'll let you say bye to her for a few seconds. But after that, I want you to go with the nurse to get cleaned up, changed and have a seat in the waiting area. You look like you're ready to drop," Jordan explain, watching as the brunette seemed ready to protest, but then gave in, nodding weakly.

A nurse led her over to the stretcher, where another nurse was still mechanically breathing for the blonde. Ashley gritted her teeth, and swiped at the tears cursing down her cheeks. She shakily took Spencer's hand in hers, squeezing it lightly. It felt a lot warmer than before and somehow that gave her hope. She looked at her girlfriend's face, so peaceful and relaxed, dried blood still clinging to her skin even after someone had tried to clean it off. She looked like she was sleeping and, in a way, Ashley figured, she was.

"I'll be right here waiting for you, Spencer. Don't you leave me, you better make it through this. I love you," she said softly, her voice trembling. She received no response, but she hadn't expected to. She was sure Spencer could hear her. She leaned forward and pressed her lips gently against the blonde's cheek, wiping at her eyes again as she leaned back.

The orderly pushed the stretcher forward, the nurse still squeezing the ambubag, as Ashley let her hand slip from Spencer's. Then she was alone.

* * *

The air-conditioner hummed loudly. The cheap clock on the wall made that annoying 'tick-tock' noise with every waning second. Muffled voices penetrated the glass walls and door. Ashley didn't know how long she had been sitting there, hardly remembered the nurse leading her to a staff bathroom and letting her clean the blood off. Spencer's blood, Ashley reminded herself bitterly, swallowing the hard lump in her throat. She shivered slightly as the cool air blew down on her, but she wouldn't move. The scrubs the nurse had forced her into were a little warmer than her bloody dress, but not by much. Ashley sat in a padded chair in an otherwise empty waiting room in the surgery unit, bent forward, arms resting on her legs, staring blankly ahead.

Her legs felt numb, but it was nothing compared to the numbness currently enveloping the whole of her. Ashley had never thought it possible to feel this empty and this terrified all at the same time. She barely heard the door to the room open, a glassed in area curtained-off for privacy, but looked up when she heard a familiar voice.

"Ashley." Arthur Carlin took one look at the miserable looking teenager in light blue hospital scrubs and knew he didn't want to know what she knew. He knew it would kill him to know why she looked so broken, yet he also knew he had to know.

The brunette looked up at her girlfriend's father, Glen just behind him, his face incredibly pale. She didn't know if she could be the one to tell them about Spencer. She opened her mouth, but she couldn't get any words out, it was almost like she was frozen in place, frozen in this hellish spot in time. Arthur and Glen both stepped closer, looking ready to bombard her with questions Ashley didn't know the answers to, when another door to the left of them opened.

Paula Carlin was wearing surgical scrubs when she stepped into the room and the only difference between every other day she did this and today was that today it was her child. She met her husband's eyes and swallowed hard, trying to hold the tears at bay. He walked towards her with that look, that look that expected her to be able to fix this because she was a doctor. But she couldn't fix this.

"It...it's Clay. He didn't make it," her voice broke at the end and she brought a hand to her face. She felt Arthur's arms around her, the sobs finally shaking her body. Reaching out, she drew a near catatonic Glen to her, clutching at him as if he were her lifeline. The silence was near overwhelming for the minute that nobody moved or spoke, just their tears and sobs to share with each other. And it took Paula exactly that long to realize something wasn't right, something she hadn't quite comprehended in her grief, a thought that had been nagging her.

"Where's Spencer?" she whispered, her throat raw from crying, and pulled back from her family. That's when she noticed Ashley sitting in one of the chairs, alone. "Where's Spencer?" she repeated, taking a few weak steps towards the silent brunette. Ashley met the woman's eyes, at a complete loss for words.

"Paula." Both women turned at the sound of the new voice and looked up at Dr Black standing near the doorway, looking extremely uncomfortable. Jordan walked farther into the room towards her colleague, noticing the red-rimmed eyes of the occupants. She'd waited until Spencer was in the hands of neuro until she came to find Paula, but when she had been notified by a nosy nurse that Dr Carlin's son, Clay, had just died from a gunshot wound, she had almost turned around. Jordan was sure in the book of life this was about as unfair as it got and this family definitely didn't deserve this.

Jordan noticed the girl from earlier, Ashley, sitting in one of the chairs and nodded at her. Indicating for the rest of them to sit down, she waited until they did so and perched herself on the armrest on one of the chairs. "Paula, I'm the one who treated Spencer in the ER."

Paula sat on the edge of the chair, feeling as if getting even the slightest bit comfortable would be treason towards her children. Her son, who was dead, her daughter, who she hadn't even realized wasn't around for several minutes. She felt sick. Rubbing her sweaty palms across her scrub pants she nodded, refusing to meet her husband's eyes across from her.

"Is she alright? Can we see her?" Paula asked anxiously, hoping despite the look in her colleagues eyes that Spencer was okay. She had to be. Sitting next to her, Ashley dropped her head into her hands and Paula felt her stomach drop.

Jordan hesitated, though she had done this type of talk a thousand times, it had never been this hard. "She's in surgery. Paula, I...I don't know how to tell you this," the brunette doctor stammered, knowing she had to pull herself together for her patient, "Spencer suffered a gunshot wound to the right frontal lobe. Her vitals were weak when she was brought in, we got her stabilized in the ER and sent her to CT before Dr Rasgotra took her to the OR."

Paula brought her hand up to her mouth, stifling the sob wanting to escape. This time she met her husband's eyes and could read the confusion in them. Times like these it was almost better to not be a doctor, to remain blissfully unaware.

"Paula, what's going on?" Arthur asked, the look of pure agony on his wife's face scaring him.

She shook her head, trying in vain to hold the tears back, "Spencer was shot in the head...she needs brain surgery.

Arthur fell back against his chair, all feeling leaving his body. The numbness in him just wouldn't let him go, it seemed to pull him under, leaving him without thought, without feeling. First Clay and now Spencer, this just couldn't be happening.

"Jordan, please tell me her...her chances," Paula begged, almost wishing she could let the doctor give her a bunch of bullshit without knowing what it meant, without knowing it spelled disaster for her daughter.

"Her GCS was 8, she was conscious and opened her eyes, but didn't respond or move voluntarily. She was breathing on her own the entire time and her BP stabilized some with fluids. But the bullet definitely entered the cranium and judging by the CT scan it fragmented inside the skull. We won't know the extent of the damage until neurology gets done with the surgery. I'm so sorry, let me know if I can help, okay? Dr Rasgotra will let you know more after the surgery, but it'll probably take four or five hours," Jordan said, trying to keep her voice neutral in the face of such loss. Someone she worked with was going through something so horrible and despite being a great doctor, Jordan felt like she couldn't do a damn thing. The brunette stood and nodded at them, fleeing the room as quickly as possible without appearing to.

It was the soft 'click' the door made shutting behind the doctor that set Ashley off. She'd been fighting the tears ever since the doctor had sat down, thought she could be strong enough, for Spencer. She'd been wrong. She was sobbing with an agony that gripped her chest so tightly she could hardly breathe, sucking in breaths in quick, painful gasps. The tears drenched her face, her hands, her neck and she could no longer feel the cold wind from the A/C. Leaning forward even farther she pressed her face against her legs, wrapping her arms around her thighs, her shoulders shaking with the sobs. If she could have sunk into herself, she would have. She would have done anything to get Spencer back. Anything, like take that damn last dance, like telling Aiden to back off, like taking twenty bullets to keep one from Spencer. She cried, choked sobs, salty tears, bawled so loudly she thought someone was bound to yell at her for disturbing the peace. But it just hurt so bad and she couldn't turn it off. She was so cold, yet so hot, so shaky, yet couldn't move, so in love, yet in such agony.

Paula watched the brunette girl, fighting with her own emotions. She knew what Jordan had told her, knew it meant Spencer had maybe an 8% chance of surviving and knew she couldn't lose another child. Arthur was sitting in his chair, crying silently and Glen seemed to have gone into some sort of shock. Paula drew in a deep breath, her stomach roiling every time she exhaled and glanced at the wretched, sobbing girl next to her. She couldn't have explained her actions if she wanted to, but ultimately the intense grief and despair had pushed them all into a delicate emotional state.

Ashley thought she was imagining it at first, but the arms drawing her up were very real. She didn't bother looking up, turning her red, splotchy, wet face into the chest of the woman next to her. Paula clung to the teenager, the girl's shaking body reverberating against her own as she cried. For some reason, at this time, she felt as if Ashley was the closest she could get to her dying daughter.

* * *

Glen was pacing the length of the waiting room, up and down, up and down, a grim look on his face. Paula was still sitting in the same chair, her face dry and stoic, reading some kind of medical journal, though her shaking hands and the fact she'd been reading the same page for two hours betrayed her. Ashley sat, with her legs drawn up against her chest, sideways in a chair closer to the door, eyes blankly gazing outside the waiting room to the hospital corridor. People kept walking past, families, husbands, wives, girlfriends and boyfriends, none of them caring about Spencer. Ashley watched them in a kind of hazy amazement, that they could continue blithely on, not caring at all that in this room a family's whole world had fallen apart and her heart had shattered.

The door to the corridor opened and everyone looked up half-heartedly, watching Arthur walk back into the room, two cups in his hands. He offered one to Paula and then Ashley, who both took it without much enthusiasm. Arthur straightened and gestured back towards the door, "Look who I found wandering the halls." Arthur was trying to be optimistic, at least after his initial crying and anger spell, and was trying to keep his family, and Ashley, from falling into this pit of despair.

Three pairs of eyes centered on the person standing in the doorway and none of them seemed too pleased. Aiden managed a weak smile, trying to ignore the looks he was getting, and walked into the room towards Ashley. He'd been walking around after getting the 'all-clear' and ran into Arthur by the vending machines. Admittedly, he'd been looking for Ashley, who'd vanished so suddenly from his side he'd wondered if she was okay. Seeing her sitting here, just a little worse for wear, he felt relief, and sat down next to her.

"Look, I'm all bandaged up. Where have you been?" he said lightly, showing her his left bicep that was wrapped tightly in gauze.

Ashley stared at him for a few seconds before responding, "Are you serious, Aiden?"

"What?" he asked, not knowing why she was giving him such a look. Glancing around he noticed half of the Carlin family present, none of them looking as if they'd had an easy night. "Is Spencer still mad at you? I think we need to talk about this."

The look of disbelief flashed across her face and Ashley unfurled herself from her withdrawn position, "I honestly couldn't care less about that at this point, Aiden. I'd be happy just to have her survive being shot in the head. And finding out her brother is dead. I don't give a rat's ass about your feelings right now."

Aiden drew back, the sudden venom in her voice surprising him. Her words registered and he went pale, realizing while he'd been getting patched up his friends had suffered much worse. He opened his mouth to speak, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He looked up at Arthur, who threw him a somewhat sympathetic glance, "I think it's best you leave, Aiden. Tensions are kind of running high right now."

The boy nodded and stood, running a shaky hand through his hair, "I'm really sorry about Clay, Mr Carlin. I hope Spencer's gonna be okay."

The older man merely nodded, managing a weak smile. No one else even acknowledged him and Aiden quietly left the room, glancing back at the brunette girl only once.

Ashley tapped her fingers nervously against her thigh, glancing at the clock on the wall every few minutes. It had been over five hours already, what if something had gone wrong? What if Spencer was already dead and they were sitting here completely unaware? Ashley swallowed the lump in her throat and continued watching the other occupants of the room. Arthur was now sitting next to his wife and they were holding hands, yet no words were being spoken. Glen hadn't stopped pacing.

Ashley almost wished she hadn't told Kyla to go home, the only family she really had. But this was awkward enough, painful enough, without dragging someone else into it. Leaning her head back against the wall, the brunette closed her eyes. She was exhausted, yet there was no way she could sleep. Not until she knew Spencer was okay.

At first she didn't realize someone else had entered the room, but when the Carlins moved closer towards her she looked up. A young woman in green surgical scrubs had entered the room and nodded at Paula as they sat around Ashley. The tension in the room had increased tenfold, if that was even possible.

"Mr Carlin, Paula, we've just finished Spencer's surgery. She's being moved to recovery as we speak," Dr Rasgotra started, knowing the news about whether their daughter lived were really the most important to them.

"So she's alive? She made it through?" Arthur asked, relief evident in his voice. He turned to his wife, who didn't look quite as relieved as he did.

"Yes, she's alive. Her blood pressure was dropping during the procedure so we had to give her two units of blood, but she stabilized. You'll be able to see her once she gets moved to the Neuroscience Intensive Care Unit."

Paula ran a hand across her face, feeling completely drained. Spencer being alive was good news, but this was far from over; brain injuries were serious, it wasn't as simple as being alive. "Dr Rasgotra, what's her prognosis? Were you able to remove the bullet?"

The doctor nodded, looking at them in turn, "We had to do a craniotomy to reach the site of the injury, some of the bone in the area was completely shattered. The thick bone of the skull caused the bullet to fragment upon entry, preventing it from penetrating far into the brain tissue. We were able to remove a large amount of the individual fragments, however, some were too dangerous to try and remove. Other than any direct tissue damage they may have caused, they shouldn't pose a problem later on. Most of the damage was restricted to the right dorsolateral area of the brain, some of the tissue was necrotic and had to be removed. We closed the dura with water-tight stitching and re-used as much of the skull bone as we could. The entry area had to be covered with a titanium mesh plate, but it is not very large and should hardly be noticeable."

Everyone but Paula looked at her in slight confusion, not completely sure whether what she was saying was good or bad. Knowing her husband was about to ask questions, she waived him off, needing to know for herself how bad it was. In terms she understood, without the sugar coating. "How significant was the damage?"

Dr Rasgotra sighed, knowing it was hard for patients' families to understand the guessing game behind brain injuries, "It's hard to tell, really. The damage was mostly confined to one area and due to the fragmentation the damage wasn't very deep. Some of the remaining fragments might have caused damage we haven't been able to see. As with any frontal lobe damage she might undergo personality and behavioral changes, as well as have problems with motor skills and schoolwork. We've managed to keep the swelling under control and hopefully can avoid any additional damage. At this point we really won't know too much until she wakes up and we can do our neurological tests. I know that's not what you want to hear, but a good amount of how the brain operates is still a mystery to us. Considering the injuries, however, I'd say she's done exceptionally well and if she wakes up within the next 48 hours I'd give her a good prognosis."

Having at least understood that last part, the four people in the room let out collective sighs of relief. It wasn't the greatest news, but Spencer was alive and had a decent chance of making it through. Arthur shook the doctor's hand with a smile on his face, the first real one he'd worn all night. "Thank you, doctor. When can we go see her?"

Dr Rasgotra stood, "She'll be moved to the NSICU in about half an hour, you may go see her for a short time. Family only, of course. I will you take there now, if you'd like."

The Carlins, eager to escape the confines of the waiting room they'd spent the past 6 hours in, stood and gathered their few possessions to follow the doctor. Ashley stood nervously, looking at Paula, "What about me?"

Paula looked at the girl, the fear in her eyes of being denied to see the one person she'd been agonizing over for the past few hours. Maybe during this six hour battle they'd forged a truce of sorts, a silent, unspoken pact to get Spencer through this. "Spencer would want you there."

If she hadn't been so exhausted and drained Ashley might've been surprised at Paula Carlin's inclusion of her, but at the moment she was nothing but grateful she'd be able to see for herself that Spencer was alright. She followed the others out of the room that had seen her weakest moment.

_To be continued..._


	2. Cum Gladio et Sale

Thanks for the reviews, you guys are great! Here's the next part...

**Chapter 2 – Cum Gladio et Sale**

Blinking her eyes open warily, the girl groaned as the room started spinning. Her head was pounding, beat of her heart drumming in her ears and she brought a shaky hand to her forehead. The light coming into the room from the floor-to-ceiling window to the right was blinding and she screwed her eyes shut. She felt nauseous, trying to take calming breaths until the feeling passed.

Spencer sat up, pushing back into the soft pillows on the bed. The room was large and airy, some artwork hanging on the walls, a large flat panel TV on the wall across from her. She glanced out the window, squinting at the gray sky she saw outside. There was an expanse of churning, blue water, along with white, snow-covered tree tops just beyond the wall and she frowned.

"Mom?" she called out softly, noticing how her voice sounded rough and unused. Spencer tried to sit up even farther, but the pounding in her skull stopped her. She lowered her head, shutting her eyes in hopes the intense pain would subside.

She was so overwhelmed by the throbbing of her head, she hardly noticed the other person entering the room. "Oh hey, you're awake."

Spencer's head snapped up at the voice, an action she immediately regretted and laid her head back with a groan. Ashley sat next to the blonde on the edge of the bed, setting the glass of water in her hand on the nightstand. Reaching out, she brushed the back of her hand across the other girl's forehead, "Are you feeling okay? You've been out for a while."

"I uh...," Spencer started, not sure what she was meaning to say. She looked at Ashley, the concern in the brunette's eyes, and tried to relax. If Ashley was here, she was safe, she knew that at least. She looked around the room again; there was something she knew she was missing.

Ashley picked the glass up again and held it out for Spencer, "Here, you probably want your meds. You must have a killer headache."

Not sure how the brunette knew what state her head was in, but thankful nonetheless for something to ebb the pain, Spencer reached for the glass and the two little white pills. Reaching for the glass with her left hand, Ashley pulled it away, forcing it into her right hand instead. Spencer frowned, then noticed how badly her left arm was shaking as she lifted it up. Maybe, she figured, she should be starting to panic.

"What's wrong with me?" she asked, swallowing the pills and letting Ashley set the glass back on the nightstand.

Ashley furrowed her brows, looking into Spencer's eyes intently to discern if the younger girl was okay. Some of the blonde hair was matted in sweaty strands to the girl's face, her eyes were slightly glassy and her left arm was trembling as it rested on her legs. She took the blonde's hand into hers, squeezing it lightly and smiled softly, "You're fine, Spence, you'll feel much better once those pills start working and you've eaten something. Come on, I made dinner."

Despite the headache and cobwebs in her brain, Spencer knew better than to believe Ashley, "You made dinner?"

The brunette grinned and shrugged, standing up and pulling Spencer with her, "Okay, so I ordered dinner. It's the thought that counts."

Spencer grinned back, letting Ashley lead her out of the room. There was something she was missing, she knew, but whatever it was swam just under the surface, like she could almost reach it. Everything just felt hazy. They stepped onto a walkway that was part of a giant atrium and Spencer saw several closed off doors to the sides. The carpeting felt incredibly soft under her bare feet as they descended the staircase and Spencer noticed how much bigger the place was than she'd originally thought. There were picture frames on the wall they walked past - pictures of her, Ashley, her family. Spencer stopped.

Ashley turned to look at the blonde with a frown. Spencer stood beneath a framed picture of Clay, smiling brightly at the camera. "Hey, you okay?"

She felt such a deep sense of loss, she wasn't sure if she was okay at all. Seeing her brother's happy face, Spencer swallowed the lump in her throat, eyes lingering on the picture, then turned back towards Ashley. The brunette tugged on her hand lightly, pulling her down into the foyer, but she was starting to get a little worried. Spencer was acting weird.

The house looked even bigger from this position, several different rooms leading off of the foyer, all of them bathed in bright light. Most of the rooms seemed to have huge windows or paneled doors, allowing for an amazing view of the water and snow-covered landscape outside. Spencer squinted in the light, stabbing pains plaguing her skull.

"Oh crap, I'm sorry Spence," Ashley said softly and with the push of a button curtains closed over the windows and doors, blanketing the room they entered in near darkness. A soft light came from a large fishtank standing against one wall and Spencer let herself be gently pushed into the soft cushions of a large sofa. "I'll get you some food, okay? Just sit still."

The blonde leaned her head back against the headrest with a sigh, wishing she didn't feel so weird. Something was going on that she couldn't put her finger on, something she should know but that was elusive to her confounded mind. Spencer reached for the remote control next to her and switched on the giant TV sitting on an entertainment center across from the sofa. The picture flickered and came to life, throwing eerie shadows across the dark walls.

"...back to Shannon in the studio. Shannon...Thanks, Brad. That wraps up our coverage of the 3rd day of the 22nd Olympic Winter Games. What a day it's been indeed. Tune in tomorrow for the 4th day of the 2014 Sochi Winter Games, I'm Shannon Lopez, have a good night..."

"You're not seriously watching that, are you?" Ashley said, suddenly appearing next to her, a distasteful look on her face.

Spencer shrugged and hit the mute button, as Ashley handed her a plate. Reaching out with her right arm this time, the blonde grabbed the plate firmly, almost sighing in relief when she didn't find herself shaking or something equally disturbing. Ashley sat next to her, wearing an expression Spencer couldn't quite make out. The TV was throwing shadows across the brunette's face and Spencer felt flutters in her stomach, that had nothing to do with nausea this time. The only thing she was positively sure of at this point, was that she loved this girl with all her heart.

Setting the plate on her lap, she reached for Ashley's left hand, running her fingers across the brunette's palm. Suddenly she stopped, staring at the girl's hand.

"Ashley," Spencer rasped and the brunette turned her head to meet her eyes, "what's that?"

Ashley followed the blonde's line of sight, seeing their hands together in the dim light and frowned. The plain, silver ring glinted, changing color as the TV images flitted across it. Ashley met Spencer's eyes, wearing a shocked expression.

"Spencer?" she asked softly, feeling a lump in her throat.

"I...," Spencer started, bringing a hand to her forehead as the pounding increased. Ashley took the plate from her, setting it on the coffee table and scooted closer. Spencer rubbed her hand across her forehead, wishing the pain away and the haziness to leave her. That's when she felt it, the raised skin winding its way along her hairline, the hard bump under the skin of her forehead. She looked up at the brunette, eyes burning with tears.

Ashley reached out, grasping Spencer's shaking left hand in hers and brought it up to her face. Spencer watched the older girl as she brought her own left hand to entwine with Spencer's and sucked in a breath. The silver rings glittered next to each other, sparkling even in the dull light. She stared at Ashley who gave her a soft smile and squeezed her hand.

"I'm gonna call your mom, okay? Eat your food," Ashley said so softly Spencer barely heard her. The brunette cupped Spencer's cheek with her hand, looking at her with so much love it nearly broke her heart. Planting a soft kiss to the blonde's forehead, Ashley stood up and went to find the phone.

* * *

2007

The sliding door opened smoothly as she pulled it open, stepping into the cold, antiseptic smelling hospital room. Most of the small room was occupied with various machines, beeping, spitting out numbers, none of which made sense to her, of course. A plastic chair was set up to the left of the huge hospital bed that seemed to swallow its occupant whole.

Ashley entered the room nervously, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans and turned her head towards the person sitting in the chair. Paula Carlin was wearing maroon hospital scrubs, her hair in a messy bun, dark circles under her eyes. She closed the book in her lap and looked at Ashley, surprising the brunette by not shooting daggers at her with her eyes.

"Ashley, how are you?" Paula inquired quietly, and sat up straighter in her chair. Her back ached, her eyes were blurry, but she didn't much care. All she cared for was the girl lying silently in the hospital bed.

"Uh...I'm alright, Mrs. C. How is Spencer doing? Any change?" Ashley asked, stepping closer to the bed. Spencer looked as if she was sleeping, blankets drawn up to nearly her chin, various tubes poking out from under the covers. Her forehead and temple were covered in thin gauze pads and tape, blue and purple bruises covering the right side of her face. A plastic tube ran from behind her ears into both nostrils, supplying her with extra oxygen.

Paula rubbed her eyes tiredly and stretched a little, eyes never leaving her daughter in the hospital bed, "Still the same, no change. The swelling has finally gone down though, she could wake up at any time. She's through the worst of it, but we don't know what'll happen. She might be different, Ashley. Or have epilepsy."

Ashley met the woman's eyes, unwavering, "I know, Mrs. C. We'll just have to get her through it."

Nodding, the blonde woman watched the two girls, one silent and unconscious, the other silent, yet seemingly willing her daughter awake. After a few moments Ashley turned to her, sounding defeated, "Well, I didn't know you'd be here, so...I guess I'll go home."

The girl made a move towards the door, but Paula stopped her with a hand on the arm. Rising slowly out of the chair, she sighed and handed the book she'd been holding to the brunette, "My shift starts in a few, I just wanted to sit with her a bit. Here, I've been reading to her, it's one of her favorites. Take care of her, Ashley."

Ashley blinked, not sure whether she was hallucinating now, but nodded nonetheless. Paula leaned down and kissed Spencer's forehead gently, giving Ashley a weak smile before she went out the door. The brunette girl sat in the chair and pulled it closer, reaching for her girlfriend's hand on the bed. Although Spencer had come out of the surgery alive, she had yet to wake up, nearly 48 hours later.

Ashley sighed, squeezing the blonde's hand and leaned back in the chair. She looked at the book and quirked an eyebrow at the title, "Harry Potter...Spencer, really? I never would've thought. Hey, if you wake up, maybe I'll dress up as a wizard, just for you."

Grimacing at the mere idea, Ashley watched Spencer for any signs of life other than the rhythmic fall and rise of her chest. Nothing. Sighing, she opened the page to the one Paula had marked and began reading,

"When Dobby had worked for the Malfoys, he had worn the same filthy old pillowcase. Now, however, he was wearing the strangest assortment of garments Harry had ever seen; he had done an even worse job of dressing himself than the wizards at the World Cup. He was wearing a tea cozy for a hat, on which he had pinned a number of bright badges; a tie patterned with horseshoes over a bare chest, a pair of what looked like children's soccer shorts and odd socks. One of these, Harry saw, was the black one he had removed from his own foot and tricked Mr. Malfoy into giving Dobby, thereby setting Dobby free. The other was covered in pink and orange stripes..."

Unable to help the small grin gracing her lips, Ashley shook her head. Maybe it had potential, but she still thought Spencer was a dork. Her dork, but nevertheless. About to continue, Ashley suddenly noticed Spencer stirring, a movement that was an unconscious twitch or trembling, but actual movement. It wasn't much, really, the blonde's fingers curling slightly inwards, her leg shaking imperceptibly, her eyelids fluttering.

"Spencer? Open your eyes, baby. I know you can do it...come on, Spence," Ashley pleaded, closing the book and standing up to grasp the blonde's hand again.

Spencer groaned and tried to turn her head, grimacing at the obvious pain she was probably in. Her fingers clamped around Ashley's and the brunette felt her heart beat faster. The blonde sucked in a breath, coughing slightly, and grimaced again, trying to lift her hand towards her head. One hand was being held tightly by Ashley and the other was so heavy she could hardly lift it at all. Slowly, agonizingly, Spencer opened her eyes.

"Mom?" she whispered, blinking to clear her blurry vision, trying to force down the nausea, "Mom?" Her voice cracked slightly and she felt tears pooling in her eyes. The pain in her head was so intense it was blinding; white hot pain lanced through her skull and Spencer tried to take a deep breath. The nausea just got more intense.

"Spence, it's me, Ashley. I'm right here." The voice came from her left and Spencer knew that it was familiar, but it took several seconds for the recognition to sink in. She turned her head, it was so incredibly heavy, and blinked at the blurry shape standing next to her.

"Ashley," she rasped, not sure when the room had started spinning, or when the bed had started moving, up and down, up and down. But despite the haziness, the blinding pain, the nausea, she held one thought clearly in her head: Ashley and Aiden.

"No," Ashley said, forcefully almost, feeling a lump in her throat, "No. Ashley and Spencer. I love you, Spencer, not Aiden."

Spencer frowned, not remembering whether she had said that aloud or not. She shifted slightly in the bed, noticing how the entire left side of her body felt incredibly weak. Pulling her hand away from the warm one wrapped around hers, she tried to lift it, but it was trembling so badly she could hardly get it up more than a few inches. Drawing it across her stomach, Spencer gritted her teeth, closing her eyes against the pain and the tears.

"Spencer," Ashley said softly, feeling her own tears leaking out of her eyes. She hated seeing the blonde in so much pain and so closed off from her. Then again, it was really her own fault. Biting her lip, Ashley reached out and brushed the tears away from Spencer's eyes, careful not to get too close to the bandaged incision running along the blonde's hairline, from the middle of her forehead down to her right ear. "Spence, I love you so much. I was so afraid; when I thought you were going to die, I felt like I was dying, too. I've never felt like this about anyone, it's not even a question. It's always been you, Spencer, and it always will be."

The blonde didn't respond, eyes still closed with tears leaking out, a choked sob escaping her lips. Her left hand trembled as it laid across her stomach and Ashley squeezed it lightly, "I'm gonna go call a nurse, okay?"

Spencer probably couldn't have responded if she wanted to. Her arm was trembling, her head felt like it was being crushed to pieces, her stomach protesting violently and her heart, her heart wasn't sure what to think. Ashley sounded so sincere, so sad, so desperate, but the fog blanketing Spencer's mind left her confused and unable to think. The pain was too intense, gripping at her with iron claws that tore her flesh apart. Spencer gripped the blanket under her right hand tightly and whimpered. She could feel her stomach in her throat already.

Seconds later warm hands were on her and she managed to open her eyes, seeing the nurse standing above her with a concerned look. Spencer's vision swam and despite the feeling in her throat she managed to squeeze out two words, "I'm gonna..." The nurse had had enough foresight, seeing the sickly pallor and beads of sweat on her patient's face, to slightly prop the girl up and push a kidney dish in front of her, before Spencer threw up.

Ashley walked back into the doorway, having alerted the nurses and asked them to page Dr Carlin, when she saw Spencer hunched over as far as possible in her condition, throwing up relentlessly, sobbing, quivering, a nurse standing next to her holding her up. Ashley swallowed, her heart breaking at the sight, but unsure whether the blonde even wanted her there. Suddenly Spencer looked up, glassy eyes unfocused as she stared at Ashley and reached out a trembling hand.

She didn't need to be asked twice; Ashley was next to the shaking, crying, miserable girl in a split second. She rested one hand on the blonde's back, rubbing soothing circles, while she wrapped the other around Spencer's chest, holding her up as she trembled. It was this position that Paula found them in, just a few minutes later.

* * *

2014

"You barely ate any of your food," Ashley said quietly, sitting down on the sofa again.

"Wasn't hungry," Spencer shrugged, arms crossed in front of her chest as she leaned back against the cushions.

Ashley looked away for a few seconds, watching the images flicker across the TV, before turning to the blonde with a weak smile, "Hey, so, I spoke to your mom. What do you think about us going down sooner than we planned? We can go tomorrow, if you'd like."

Spencer stared straight ahead, thoughts still jumbled in her head, "That's fine."

Sighing, the brunette looked down before raising her eyes to meet Spencer's. Ashley rested her head in her hand, propped up against the back of the sofa and just watched the blonde. Spencer had been acting weird lately and Ashley knew it was largely due to the aftereffects of her injury, but it was starting to worry her. Over the years, Spencer had learned to cope and get around whatever difficulties she still had, and 90% of the time she was completely fine. Ashley knew the blonde didn't handle stress very well, another reason she was hoping they could go to LA early to see the Carlins – Ashley would suffer through the extra days of staying with her in-laws, as long as it made Spencer happy.

Spencer glanced at Ashley through hooded eyes, watching the emotions cross the girl's face. She wasn't sure why she felt so off today, not at all like her usual self, even though the headache had dulled immensely. But looking at the brunette, sitting next to her, eyes downcast, Spencer couldn't help but notice the sad look on Ashley's face. The older girl was worried, she knew, and she wasn't making it any better by being moody. It was just so hard when your own brain was trying to betray you.

Reaching over, Spencer grasped Ashley's hand in hers, intertwining their fingers and giving the other girl a soft smile. The way Ashley's eyes lit up made the blonde's heart burst with love. It was strange how that still happened after nearly ten years. Crazy, that's what they were.

"Don't you have a meeting to go to?" Spencer asked, feeling like she was slowly making her way through the fog. It didn't feel like she was out of it, it just felt like everything was off somehow.

Ashley frowned, playing with Spencer's fingers in her lap, "I can cancel, they don't need me there anyways."

Spencer raised an eyebrow at her and shook her head, "How did you get that out without hurting that big ego of yours?"

Pouting, the brunette smacked Spencer in the arm lightly, before turning serious again, "Seriously, Spence, I don't want you here alone, not when you're feeling crappy and all."

Laughing lightly, the blonde scooted closer, draping Ashley's arm around her shoulders before snuggling close, "I'm fine, Ash. What could even happen to me here? We've got more security than the White House and plus, Esmeralda's still here, she'll make sure I don't die while you're gone or anything."

Ashley frowned, pulling the other girl closer, "That's not funny, Spencer." They sat silently for a few moments, Ashley hoping Spencer would change her mind, but to no avail. Sighing, she leaned back, "Fine, I'll go, but I'll tell them I only have an hour. Eat something while I'm gone, okay? I love you."

Leaning down, one hand cupping the blonde's cheek, Ashley kissed Spencer softly, lips lingering for several seconds before she pulled away and stood up. Spencer watched her with a smile, sauntering out of the living room and turned to shout after her, "Love you, too!" The brunette turned and winked at her, then a few short moments later Spencer heard the front door slam. She sat in silence for several minutes, watching the TV on 'Mute', when she heard a voice to her right and looked up.

"Spencer, how are you feeling? Ashley let me know you had another episode and to make sure you ate."

Spencer frowned, sometimes wishing Ashley were a little less overprotective, but she nevertheless smiled at the older woman standing next to her, "Really, I'm fine, Esmeralda. Ashley just likes to exaggerate, you know how she gets."

The housekeeper smiled at the girl on the sofa, shaking her head softly. She'd been their housekeeper now for almost 2 years, living in the in-law suite that came with the giant house. According to Ashley, the only reason they had hired a housekeeper had been because Spencer got frustrated with the brunette's messiness and inability to cook anything half-way edible, but Esmeralda had learned better over the years. She wasn't exactly old and wise, but a woman in her mid-40s she definitely had some years experience on the girls. She had learned quickly that when it came to Spencer, Ashley meant business. No one messed with the blonde, unless they wanted Ashley to come after them. Esmeralda still pretended to believe Ashley's love for disorder had given her the job, when she'd known almost from the beginning that it was because Ashley just couldn't be bothered with something so trivial when she was trying to take care of Spencer.

"She just loves you, hun, a lot. She worries."

Spencer sighed, smiling at the dark-haired woman, "I know." She blew out a breath, sounding frustrated, "This is just a bad time, I don't know. I hadn't had any problems on the new meds for five months and all of a sudden...you know. Maybe it's the stress, it's driving me nuts Ashley won't really let me in on it, just keeps telling me everything's fine. Why can't I help her, too?"

Esmeralda stood next to the girl, brushing a hand across the top of her head, "Oh honey, she's just trying to protect you. Talk to her. You guys just need some time to relax and everything will be fine again."

Nodding, Spencer smiled softly, thinking about their upcoming trip, "We're actually going to my parents' tomorrow, Ash suggested going early. I haven't seen them in a few months, it should be fun. Other than, you know, Ashley and my mother living under the same roof for four days."

Chuckling at the blonde's wry expression, Esmeralda said, "A sight to behold, I'm sure. Now, do you want me to make you something new or are you going to eat what Ashley brought you?"

Spencer glanced at the plate still sitting on the table in front of her, picking it up with a sigh. She really wasn't all that hungry, but she'd do it just to make Ashley stop worrying. Taking a bite, she looked at Esmeralda to make sure the woman saw she really was eating and turned back to the TV with a grin. Ashley really was unbelievable.

* * *

Someone was furiously tapping a pen on a pad of paper, someone else blowing out their breath every few seconds. Ashley looked from person to person with an exasperated expression and stood up. It was one thing to call a meeting, but another entirely to call a meeting and then not show up. She was going to kill Josh. She grabbed her keys from the table, ignoring the looks some of the others were throwing her and walked towards the door.

"Sorry I'm late guys, something came up." The tall, well-dressed man that entered the room nearly bowled Ashley over and gave her a weird look. "Ashley, you just get here?"

She huffed and crossed her arms, "No Josh, we've all been here for the past hour waiting for YOU!"

He grinned at her, his teeth almost too white, and walked to the head of the table, leaving the brunette girl no choice but to return to it as well. Not sitting down this time, she stood behind the chair, arms still crossed. Josh set a folder on the table, digging through some papers, until Ashley slammed her palms onto the table.

"Seriously Josh, I can't be here all night!"

A skinny guy with messy dark hair to her right nearly jumped out of his chair, but everyone around the table seemed to agree with her sentiment. Ashley was probably the loudest and, sometimes, angriest of their group, but none of them wanted to spend more of their off-time sitting around in a conference room.

Josh chuckled, brushing his fingers across his frosted hair, and threw her a look, "Well, Ashley, just because you can't go without sex for one night, doesn't mean the rest of us just wanna blow off our jobs."

Ashley balled her fists and threw him a look that could kill, "Don't even fuck with me tonight, Josh."

He looked at her, frowning at the intensity on her face and sighed, "Alright, Ash, I'm sorry, but I just want these new studio schedules approved. Now if we can all agree on the dates, we'll be out of here in no time."

The three other guys and one girl around the table nodded in relief, each grabbing for their schedule to get this over with. Ashley, still glaring at Josh, pulled her paper over and gave it a cursory glance, before signing. Josh sighed, knowing she hadn't really read through it, but he wasn't in the mood to fight with his biggest star. He'd managed several bands over the years, but Pandora's Box was the only one to hit it big. Josh knew it was in large part due to Ashley Davies, whose infectious attitude and good looks were very marketable. While the other band members took longer to look over the schedules, Josh turned to Ashley before she could leave.

"Hey Ash, People wants to do a spread and interview, when do you want me to set it up?"

The brunette girl looked at him and shrugged, "I don't care, whenever, but I won't be here for the next four days. No one better disturb me while I'm in LA, either. Oh and Josh?"

The brown-haired man looked at her tiredly, running a hand through his hair. This girl was going to be the death of him, "Yes, Ashley?"

"I thought I'd set up conditions for these interviews," she started, watching as Josh nodded warily, "then why did the chick from OK! last week start asking me about Spencer? I thought I'd made it clear what the taboo topics are?"

Josh groaned inwardly, wishing those damn reporters didn't try to subvert whatever instructions he gave them. It was somewhat of an open secret in the entertainment industry that Ashley Davies, though openly gay, refused to answer questions pertaining to her home life and partner. This was just going to make it harder to get the brunette to agree to more interviews. "Alright, I'm sorry, but you know whoever gets you to talk about Spencer will make some big bucks."

Ashley scoffed, glancing at the vibrating phone in her hand, before looking at Josh again, "Whatever, Josh, just make sure it doesn't happen again." Without another glance at him, she slipped out the door and answered her ringing phone. She frowned as she heard the voice on the other end.

"Leon, what's going on?" Ashley stopped in the hallway of the office building Josh worked out of, leaning against a wall. She hoped he had good news, but knew it was unlikely.

"Hey Ash, sorry to be calling so late, but we received another one," the deep voice came across the phone and Ashley leaned her head back against the wall.

"Shit, the same guy?"

"Yeah, we think so, but we're having it analyzed as well. We want everything to be official."

Ashley sighed, trying to clear the jumbled thoughts out of her head, "Where'd he send it to?"

"The PO box; we're still confident none of the private information has been breeched," the man responded.

"Okay," she said and nodded, not that he could see her, "I appreciate the call, Leon, keep me updated, alright?"

Shuffling of paper could be heard in the background, along with another voice, before Leon spoke again, "Ash, there's something else. This one was about Spencer."

Ashley felt as if she'd been punched in the gut, ending the call without saying goodbye. She leaned heavily against the wall, rubbing a hand across her forehead. The brunette didn't move for several minutes, needing to get her bearings before she went back home.

* * *

2007

The sun was bright, the air warm and she half expected there to be birds singing, just to sour her mood. It really was a beautiful day and most of the students streaming into King High for their first day back seemed to genuinely enjoy it. They were meeting up with old friends, talking about their summer, falling back into the routine.

Spencer stood just on the outskirts, not wanting to stay really, but not wanting to go any further. She watched them intently, their smiling faces so careless, even as they walked past the impromptu memorial that had been set up in front of the school. No one paid her much mind as she stood there, hesitantly. Spencer wished she hadn't insisted on going to school, she could've just stayed in bed like her mom wanted. Turning around, she realized Glen had already left and now she had no choice but to go inside.

Taking a deep breath she steeled herself against the potential onslaught of people. Before she could even take the first step, she felt someone's hand slip into hers and turned her head. Ashley gave her a soft smile, squeezing the blonde's hand lightly, "You ready?"

Spencer nodded, feeling a lot less panicky about going into the school with the brunette by her side. Together they walked up to the memorial and Spencer stopped in front of a picture of Clay. It had been over three months now since her brother died, but to the blonde the pain was as fresh as ever. In those first few days after she had woken up, she had been too medicated and out of it and her parents hadn't told her about Clay until a week after the shooting. She hadn't taken it well.

Ashley watched the emotions flicker across the blonde's face and squeezed her hand tighter. It had been a rough three months for the Carlins, and Ashley had been there most of the way. Spencer's physical injuries had all healed fairly quickly, the only reminders of the shooting the long scar running along her scalp, the hair already growing back, and the scars and bumps on the right of her forehead that were barely visible. She'd often found Spencer sitting in silence, teary-eyed, fingertips on the bullet shaped scar tissue that covered the titanium screws and plate in her head. However, most noticeable had been the behavioral changes in the blonde and that was what worried Ashley the most.

The doctors, including Paula, had reiterated numerous times that it would take some time for the brain to heal and for other parts of it to take up functions that the damaged tissue had been controlling. According to Dr Rasgotra, Spencer's neurologist, the damage had not been as severe as they originally feared, and due to Spencer's age the doctors were hoping for a near full recovery. However, having spent a good amount of the past three months with Spencer, Ashley wasn't so sure the doctors knew what they were talking about.

Spencer had been moody, though that had been in part due to the large amounts of meds she was forced to take. More worrying, however, had been the blonde's complete apathy; there had been times when her family or Ashley practically had to force her to eat or drink, otherwise Spencer simply would not have cared enough to do it. This was what scared Ashley the most, her formerly bubbly and goal-driven girlfriend too apathetic to eat, let alone care about rehab or even schoolwork.

"You get a doctor's note for everything?" Ashley inquired, tugging lightly at the blonde's hand. She'd never cared about being late to class before, but she knew Spencer would, if she hadn't been injured.

Spencer rolled her eyes and padded her bag, letting Ashley pull her away from the memorial, "My mom wrote me a note, of course. Actually she wrote me eight; one for the nurse, one for the principal and one for every teacher I have this year. It was the only way she'd even let me go to school."

They wandered past the groups of students mingling in the quad, towards the lockers and drew some curious looks as they walked by. One look at Ashley, however, was enough to keep anyone away. As they walked farther into the school buildings, they noticed some changes had been made – mostly in the form of additional security guards and screens on all the windows. It made Ashley shudder, thinking about being back here and she forced the memories aside. When they arrived at the brunette's locker, she took Spencer's bag, stuffing it inside after pulling out three prescription bottles.

When Spencer had had her first seizure, Ashley had been there and it had scared the crap out of her. There probably had never been another time in her life that she thanked God for Paula's presence. Although they'd been told there was over a 50% chance Spencer would have epilepsy in the future, it had still taken them all by surprise and left them in shock. It had happened almost exactly three months after the shooting, just when Spencer seemed to be returning to her old self more often than not. Knowing the blonde still couldn't be trusted to do as she was supposed to, Ashley would gladly play pharmacist to make sure she took her anti-seizure meds on time. Not to mention, if someone had to get in trouble for carrying medication on them and not turning it into the nurse to be dispensed, it might as well be her.

Holding up the three bottles, she stored them in her bag and looked at Spencer, "I'm gonna come find you when you're supposed to take those. And I've got your Motrin, so if you're in pain, let me know. I'll be your dealer for the day."

Spencer rolled her eyes at the brunette's antics, but secretly appreciated the way Ashley was taking care of her. She couldn't explain it, really, but she just hadn't felt the same since the shooting. Things had become harder for her, she could no longer figure out simple solutions to problems and hardly felt like doing much of anything some days. She'd had residual weakness on the left side of her body, sometimes finding her hand shaking or too weak to hold a simple object. The seizures had been the last straw really and if it hadn't been for her family and Ashley, Spencer knew she wouldn't be here. Now she just worried she'd have a seizure at school and become the school freak.

Grabbing Ashley's hand again, they walked together to their homeroom. They'd almost made it to the door, when someone came up to them, stopping them in their tracks. Both girls looked up at the tall, dark-haired figure of Aiden standing before them and Ashley felt her heart stop. This was so the last thing they needed right now, though of course it had been naïve of her to think they could escape Aiden's presence while at school. She had spent three months trying to convince Spencer that Ashley only had eyes for her and had hardly had contact with the boy at all. He'd called a few times, all conversations of less than a minute, and she'd seen him at their house, visiting her sister. But this was the first time she had really seen him since the hospital, and, more importantly, since Spencer had seen him. Ashley wished she could just run away.

"Hey Ash...Hey Spencer, how are you doing?" Aiden asked, sounding reluctant and unsure of himself, not something that came naturally to him. Looking at the girls' joined hands and judging by the daggers Ashley was shooting at him, Aiden knew he had lost and he'd pretty much spent the past three months dealing with that very fact. Now he was just trying to get his friends back, to return to what they all had before he had acted like a jackass.

Ashley was about to respond, throw whatever sarcastic and snide remark she could at the boy, but to her surprise, Spencer beat her to the punch, "I uh...I'm sorry, but...who are you?"

The sincerity with which that statement slipped from the blonde's lips made Ashley's eyes widen in surprise. Spencer had had no problems with amnesia, no memory loss at all after the shooting, and the only times she'd ever been confused and out of it had been after a seizure. Not sure what to make of Spencer's words, the brunette had been momentarily rendered speechless and, judging by the confused, shocked look on Aiden's face, he'd been similarly affected.

Spencer pulled Ashley inside of the classroom, leaving Aiden standing outside and when they both sat down in their respective seats she turned to the brunette with an apologetic look, "I'm sorry, but I just really didn't feel like dealing with him right now."

Ashley gaped at her girlfriend, shocked that the blonde would use her injury as an excuse to blow off Aiden, "Spencer Carlin, I think I've corrupted you."

The smile that Spencer threw at her nearly made her blush and she wasn't even sure why. Nevertheless, Ashley knew without a doubt, that come heaven or hell, she would love this girl for the rest of her life.

_to be continued..._

* * *


	3. Facta, Non Verba

**Chapter 3 – Facta, Non Verba**

2014

Ashley sunk deeper into the large seat, frowning deeply, a magazine in front of her face that she wasn't really reading. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see the blonde girl next to her staring intently, and she wondered not for the first time how she could get rid of her. The girl, slightly turned towards the brunette in her seat, was grinning idiotically, periodically thinking of inane questions to throw at the brunette, "What's it like being famous?"

Glaring at the blonde, Ashley smiled sickly sweet, "Well, for one it means psychos in an airplane won't leave you alone for an entire two-and-a-half hour flight."

The girl, completely oblivious to her obvious displeasure, continued smiling, surely thinking of more questions to ask her favorite star. Ashley glanced to her right, watching Spencer sitting in a seat on the other side of the plane, headphones in her ears, head leaned back with her eyes closed. Frowning again, Ashley wished she wasn't such a jackass sometimes. She knew it was really her fault she was in this situation anyway. Tuning out her adoring fan, she let the scene from just a few hours ago play in her head.

_[i]Ashley opened the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, before leaning tiredly against the appliance. She hadn't slept well. In fact, after getting home several hours later than she'd originally planned, the brunette had maybe managed two hours of unconsciousness, before getting up excessively early this morning. Wiping the sweat from her forehead, she walked up to the breakfast counter, leaning her elbows onto it as she glanced at the newspaper in front of her._

"_Hey Ash, I missed you this morning. Where'd you go?" Spencer appeared in the kitchen, looking at the tank top, shorts and sneakers the brunette was wearing as a sort of indication. Ashley never went running in the mornings, she much preferred staying in bed with Spencer._

_Barely glancing up, the brunette shrugged noncommittally, "Out." _

_Internally, she was warring with herself, but no solution seemed to work for her. After the phone call with Leon last night, it had taken Ashley hours to calm herself back down. She couldn't remember a time in the past seven years since the shooting that she had been so terrified. All she really cared about was Spencer, she was her life and if she were to lose that...Ashley shuddered at the thought. _

"_Out?" Spencer repeated, wondering why the brunette was acting so strange. She'd heard Ashley coming home last night incredibly late, but had thought the meeting had run long. Then this morning, when she'd woken up, the other girl had been nowhere to be found. She knew Ashley had been under a lot of stress lately, knew about the phone calls and meetings concerning her security, but she was sick of being left in the dark. "What's wrong, Ash?"_

_Standing up, Ashley shrugged again, "Nothing." When she had first received notice about the letters, she hadn't wanted to tell Spencer at all. The blonde had a hard enough time, without being bothered with something that could turn out to be so trivial. Though ultimately, after the third and fourth letter, when they'd beefed up her security and started screening all their mail, she'd had to let Spencer know just enough. _

"_What's going on, Ash? Why won't you talk to me?" Spencer asked, wishing Ashley would stop internalizing everything that affected them both. She was sick of being treated like a child._

_Scoffing, Ashley cocked her head at the blonde, "This really doesn't concern you, Spencer."_

_All she wanted, all she'd ever wanted, was to protect Spencer and she'd be damned if she let something happen to her now. Just cause some nutjob was making it his personal quest to try and destroy her life. Ashley could deal with it while he threatened her, that's what security was for, but him threatening Spencer had scared the crap out of her. She hadn't felt so helpless in years and now she was directing her anger in all the wrong ways._

"_Stop belittling me, Ashley, I'm fine. I thought we were in this together, "Spencer shot back angrily, stepping closer to the brunette. _

_Turning away from the upset eyes of the other girl, Ashley said, "Well, this is different."_

_Scoffing, Spencer stopped, crossing her arms, "You know, if you just wanted a damn trophy wife, you should've just told me!"_

_Stunned for a second, surprised by the anger in the blonde's voice, Ashley felt her own defenses building. She was trying to protect Spencer, why couldn't the other girl see that? She didn't like feeling accused. "Oh yeah, you're a real trophy wife, aren't ya Spence?"_

_The words hit the blonde like a physical blow and the anger visibly left her body. "Fuck you, Ash."_

_Watching Spencer walk out of the room and back up the stairs, Ashley sank onto a barstool, covering her face with her hands. What the hell had she just done?[/i]_

The flight attendant interrupted her thoughts and Ashley waved the woman away. Spencer hadn't said a word to her since then, had barely looked at her, even during the limo ride to the airport and trek through security. In fact, when some newbie security guard had nearly taken half an hour to be convinced that Spencer wasn't setting off metal detector alarms because she was a terrorist, but because of medical reasons and Ashley had proceeded to rip him a new one, Spencer hadn't once admonished her. She'd just sat, calmly explaining her situation to the guard, while Ashley threatened to have him fired. Not even the opportunity to reign in Ashley's giant ego had made Spencer open up.

She sighed, wondering what she could possibly do to make Spencer forgive her. Turning to the fan to her right, Ashley stopped the girl's incessant rambling, "Ok listen, if I sign like everything you own and, I don't know, give you my boarding pass, will you please ask the girl you changed seats with to switch back?"

The girl stared at her, confused for a few moments, but then nodded enthusiastically. Immediately being requested to sign the girl's t-shirt, her book, her backpack and the latest Pandora's Box CD, Ashley handed over the boarding pass bearing her name, and watched in relief as the girl returned over to where Spencer now sat. A few minutes later Ashley watched with dismay as the fan girl returned, giving her an apologetic shrug, "Sorry, she said we weren't allowed 'cause we're landing soon."

Ashley gaped at the girl, "We've got over 40 minutes left!"

The girl shrugged, sitting back in the unoccupied seat, returning to her endless stories Ashley couldn't give a flying fuck about. Looking over at Spencer, Ashley sighed in defeat when the blonde wouldn't even glance her way.

* * *

2007

"Hannah Arendt coined the phrase 'the banality of evil' to describe how people committed atrocious acts of evil without being sociopaths or fanatics, simply because they followed the masses. This means...," the man stopped mid-sentence, stopping in front of one of the desks against the wall. He frowned, eyes narrowing, as he looked at the blonde girl with her head on the desk, bedded on her right arm, left arm hanging down over the side.

He turned back around to walk to the front and angrily grabbed the Philosophy textbook from his desk. Some of the other students, who had been dozing, sat up straighter upon seeing the angry look on his face. This class was merely boring on a good day, but today they had to suffer through a substitute teacher who'd obviously just graduated from college and thought they cared as much about these dead people as he did. Also, he was most certainly on a power trip, calling on people left and right from his stupid class roster.

Madison yawned, looking down at the textbook she had yet to open. She still wasn't sure how she had gotten stuck in this class; she really didn't care one way or the other about philosophy. Eyes following the annoying substitute, she watched as he grabbed his book and stalked back over to the sleeping girl. Madison frowned, having heard from some others that Spencer still wasn't completely okay after the shooting, but she knew it must be pretty bad if the usually studious blonde was fast asleep in the middle of class.

Although they weren't exactly friends, Madison didn't hate Spencer, either; in fact, she thought the blonde was alright. She certainly would've warned the girl, if Mr Parrish, the substitute, hadn't already made his way back over. Spencer was obviously deeply asleep, not moving even as the substitute stood above her for a few moments, staring. She'd seen Spencer get tired or ill in classes before, though their regular teachers were all well aware of her medical problems and normally just let her go to the nurse's office. It was obvious, however, that Parrish either hadn't been told or just really didn't care.

The book made a loud thud as it hit the ground, the noise making more than one student wince in memory at the sharp sounds they remembered from prom. Spencer shot up, chair scraping back several inches, right hand pressing against the scars on her forehead, left arm drawn across her chest.

"No, no, no," she breathed, heavily, in such short gasps that Madison feared she was going to pass out.

It wasn't until Mr Parrish spoke, that the blonde even noticed him, "Do you think this is a joke? That just because you're out partying all night, getting drunk, you can come in here and sleep during my class?"

Spencer stared at the blonde-haired guy standing above her, hands on his hips. She turned her head away, trying to stop the trembling in her body. He had scared the crap out of her.

"Obviously," she mumbled, not looking at him.

Feeling his anger only increase, he stepped closer, leaning down towards the girl, "Excuse me? I think you need to learn a lesson in manners, young lady. Do you think you'll get anywhere in life like this?"

Spencer felt the rage boil up inside of her and she drew back. What right did he have to get pissed at her? Was he the one that had gotten shot in the freaking head and was taking a thousand different kinds of medications that either made him incredibly sleepy or extremely pissed off?

"I said 'fuck off'," Spencer spat, standing up and, without another glance at him, walked off.

Madison watched the exchange with wide eyes, never having seen the blonde girl act like this before. She'd already pulled out her phone, trying to scroll to a number she hadn't needed in years. She typed quickly, under the table so he wouldn't see and sent the message to Ashley. "Come get your girl quick"

"Where do you think you're going?" Mr Parrish yelled, feeling like all control was slipping from him. All because of some disrespectful, teenage bitch. He rushed after her, determined not to let her leave.

"Nurse's office," Spencer ground out, clenching her right hand.

Suddenly his hand was on her, grabbing her left arm in a tight grip that felt even worse on the already trembling limb. "I didn't say you could go. I think you need a trip to the Principal's office."

"Get the fuck off of me!" Spencer yelled, a rage so black it nearly swallowed her whole taking hold of her and she tried to yank her arm away from him. Without her normal strength, however, her arm was a little more than useless. She didn't know what she was thinking, wasn't even sure why she was so freaked out, but all she wanted to do was get out of there. In one swift move she'd thrown her right fist at him, but she was much too slow to even get close.

Mr Parrish pushed the blonde away from him before she could punch him and stared at her. His girlfriend had warned him about LA public schools, but he never thought he'd be nearly punched by a female student. He'd make her pay. The girl stared at him, then turned and fled the classroom. It wasn't until he turned around that he noticed the rest of his class was in a near uproar and he yelled at them to settle down. He was surprised to see them mostly comply, walking slowly back to his desk, heartbeat thundering in his chest.

"Where is Spencer?"

Mr Parrish looked at the pretty brunette now standing in the doorway of his classroom, wondering what the hell she was talking about. "Do you have a hall pass?"

She gave him a weird look, "Umm, no. Now, where is Spencer?"

He felt like the entire world was against him; why were all these students so undisciplined? He didn't answer the girl, but another girl a few rows down did, "This [i]_culo[/i] _caught Spencer sleeping, yelled at her and when she got angry and tried to go to the nurse's office, he tried to physically stop her and she nearly punched him. I think he might've called her a drunk somewhere in there, too."

Ashley stared at Madison, knowing the girl was prone to exaggeration, but she wouldn't make something like this up. Spencer had tried to punch a teacher? This was so bad, she knew, nevertheless, when she thought about what else the latina had told her, she felt her own anger rise.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Ashley yelled at the blond-haired man, balling her fists by her sides.

"Excuse me?" He was sick of these insolent students. What was wrong with them?

"Did you even try to figure out what was going on or just fling around accusations, huh? Do you care that she's tired 'cause she's on twenty different meds since she got shot in the freakin' head or are you just a dumbass?" Ashley wasn't sure whether calling a teacher a 'dumbass' was such a great idea, but she was angry. She didn't even wait for his, likely outraged, response, but turned on her heels and left to find her girlfriend.

It didn't take her too long to find the blonde, sitting on top of a lunch table in the quad, legs on the bench, staring out at the parking lot. Spencer barely glanced at the brunette as she stepped in front of her, merely looking past her.

"Go away, Ash," Spencer grumbled, not in the mood to deal with anyone.

"Are you feeling okay, Spence?" Ashley asked softly, reaching out a hand to touch the blonde's arm.

Spencer jerked away from her, meeting her eyes angrily, "I'm fine, Ashley! I'm not broken, I don't need you to come running every time something doesn't go my way! 'Oh look, poor Spencer, her brain got blown up, she must not know what she's doing'. Well, I'm fine! So, leave me alone!"

Ashley drew back at the venom in the girl's voice and sighed. She knew the blonde had felt incredibly frustrated recently, partially because she wasn't up to par and knew it and partially because everyone treated her like they were walking on eggshells. The new medication her doc had added a week ago probably wasn't helping matters, it was known to cause mood swings and irritability. Ashley tried to meet Spencer's eyes, but her girlfriend wouldn't look at her.

"You want me to leave?"

"Yes! Go away, don't come back," Spencer said, though she didn't sound nearly as angry as before. She wasn't even sure why she was saying these things, she knew she didn't mean them.

Suddenly Ashley was sitting next to her on top of the table, their knees slightly touching and Spencer turned her head to the brunette, "What are you doing? "

Ashley turned to meet her eyes, a serious expression on her face, "Uh, I'm sitting here. Great view, definitely."

"I told you to leave," Spencer threw back, wanting Ashley to feel as angry as she did.

Cocking her head slightly, Ashley scoffed, "Yeah, believe it or not, Spence, I don't do everything you tell me to."

Spencer looked at her for a few more seconds, then turned her head, staring back out at the parking lot. Ashley followed her gaze, knowing the blonde wasn't staring at anything in particular. They sat in silence for several minutes, warm breeze playing with their hair, knees barely touching. Another few minutes passed quietly and Spencer put her head on the brunette's shoulder, eyes never leaving the distance she was staring at.

* * *

2014

She tapped her fingers nervously against the steering wheel, blowing out her breath. Glancing around at the five lanes of freeway traffic slowed down to near 20 mph, she huffed, increasing the speed of her rhythmic tapping. Fiddling with the buttons of the car radio she flipped through several stations airing nothing but commercials. She didn't even want to risk looking at the taciturn girl sitting in the passenger seat, the tension in the car already palpable.

Ashley let out a frustrated groan, "I forgot how much I hate driving in LA."

"Yeah, too bad your wife's such a cripple or she could've driven instead," Spencer said from the side, looking out the window.

Ashley wanted to beat her head against the steering wheel, "That's not even what I said."

"Oh? Enlighten me then, wise one, tell me what you meant?" the blonde shot back, turning her head towards Ashley.

Gritting her teeth, knowing she didn't have much of an answer, the brunette stared straight ahead as traffic moved another few feet. "I didn't...ugh, Spencer, you know that's not how I feel!"

Scoffing, the blonde crossed her arms, "Do I?"

"I'm always there for you, what does that tell you?" Ashley said, feeling herself getting angry as well.

"[b]**You're[/b]** there for [b]**me[/b]**, like I'm some burden you gotta deal with," Spencer responded, quieter.

Ashley sighed, "Spencer."

"No Ash, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, what happened to that?"

Rubbing a hand across her forehead, Ashley looked at the other girl, "You're saying I'm breaking my vows? Am I not taking care of you when you're sick? Am I not providing you with food and clothes and a nice ass house?"

Spencer shook her head sadly, "None of that even matters when you won't let me in, Ashley! I'm not some fragile doll that's going to break at the first sign of stress!"

"You're sick, Spencer, I'm trying to protect you," Ashley said, both hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"I've been sick for seven years! Why did you even ask me to marry you if you knew you wouldn't be able to handle it?" Spencer asked softly, suddenly feeling close to tears.

The brunette swallowed the lump in her throat, "You're saying I'm a bad wife."

"No, I'm saying I don't want a damn nursemaid, I want my best friend back. You're my life, Ashley, I can't deal with you shutting me out."

Ashley glanced at Spencer, then focused back on the moving cars in front of her, "Well, and I couldn't deal if something happened to you, Spencer, which is why I'm not going to talk about the letters. It doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means I love you too much to let you go."

Spencer turned her head away, towards the window, and Ashley was sure she was crying. This was going to be the worst vacation ever.

* * *

2007

"You don't even know what you're getting yourself into," the boy said with a dismissive shake of the head, watching the stormy girl in front of him.

"I know exactly what I'm doing, don't act like you're all knowing and shit," she replied, pacing in front of him.

He laughed derisively, putting his hands on his hips, "Oh yeah? I know you've been through hell for the past three months and I know you're sick of playing nurse. That's so not you, Ash."

Ashley sneered at him, "Whatever, Aiden. When you love someone, you'd do anything for them. I'm sure you'll find that out eventually."

Softening his tone, he put his hands on her shoulders, looking at her intently, "I'm sure you think you love her and all, but Ash, she's never gonna be the same. I know you, there's no way you can deal with that."

Pulling away from him, Ashley thought about what he was saying. Spencer had changed a lot over the past nearly four months, but it seemed like the old her was finally breaking through. They just had to find the right dose and type of meds, she'd be fine. "I'm not gonna abandon her, Aiden."

He threw up his hands, exasperated, "That's great, Ashley, you love her out of pity, not for anything else!"

Scoffing, the girl turned from him, "No, I love her 'cause she's a much better person than you. I'm staying with Spencer, Aiden, get over yourself. You just can't deal with the fact that I love her enough to be there for her."

"Oh, what're you gonna do Ashley? Get married and live happily ever after? One egomaniacal bitch and one brain damaged lesbian. Perfect."

She threw him a disgusted look, pushing past him, "Whatever, Aiden. I would do anything for her, and if I have to, if Spencer never gets any better, I will spend the rest of my life taking care of her. I really hope, one day, you'll know what that feels like."

Without another glance she walked out of the room, away from him. Everything she had just said she felt with all of her heart and Ashley knew she wanted nothing more than to go be with her girlfriend.

* * *

2014

If she could have avoided pulling into the Carlin driveway, Ashley would have done so in a heartbeat. A visit with the in-laws was bad enough on any given day, but with Spencer mad at her it would be close to unbearable. She stopped the car, sighing heavily and looked over at the blonde. They hadn't spoken in nearly an hour.

"Spence," Ashley said softly, waiting until blue eyes met hers, "you know I love you, right?"

The blonde nodded slowly, uncrossing her stiff arms, "I don't wanna fight in front of my family."

Managing a weak grin, Ashley shrugged, wishing Spencer just didn't want to fight period, "Yeah, well I think Paula would thoroughly enjoy it if I gave her reason to be pissed off at me."

Spencer frowned, shaking her head, "Ash, you know she doesn't need a reason, you just being there is enough. And besides, even if I don't like you right now, I love you too much to let my mom kill you."

"Yeah, I feel much safer now." Grumbling, the brunette exited the car, waiting for Spencer at the top of the driveway. She took the blonde's hand in hers, not letting the other girl decide whether she was too pissed off at her for that, and reluctantly pulled her towards the door.

After just a few steps, Spencer stopped her, glaring at Ashley intently, "You cannot make fun of Glen, either!"

Ashley narrowed her eyes, then scoffed, "If I can't make fun of your 'nearly 30, divorced with a kid, unemployed, living with his parents again' brother, what the hell [b]**am**[/b] I supposed to do?"

Giving her a reprimanding look, Spencer nevertheless smiled slightly at her, "I'm sure dad could use some help in the kitchen."

Making a strangled noise, Ashley considered just grabbing the blonde and turning around right then and there. She'd agreed to go to LA early for Spencer's sake, wanting her to get away from the stress and frustrations at home, but so far she hadn't done a very good job at keeping Spencer happy. She'd actually done a rather crappy job at it so far, and Ashley knew she better fix it before Paula ate her for dinner. Shuddering at the thought, the brunette looked up only to find Spencer already enveloped in her mother's arms.

"Spencer, I'm so glad you could make it here for a few extra days, we rarely get a chance to see you," Paula said to her daughter, but Ashley knew it was partially a dig at her.

"Actually, it was Ashley's idea to come down early," Spencer smiled, the first genuine smile Ashley had seen on her all day and it hurt her to know it wasn't she that had put it there.

Paula's smile wavered, but she managed a curt nod at the girl behind Spencer, "Ashley."

Following Spencer into the house, Ashley grinned at the older blonde woman, "Paula. No need to show me around, I still remember where Spencer's room is."

The door fell shut behind her heavily, signaling the start of several very uncomfortable days.

* * *

2014

"Are you sure we've never met? You look [b]so[/b] familiar!"

Ashley glared at the brunette sitting at the table across from her, wishing this nightmare to end. Family dinner with the Carlins was definitely not something she'd do out of her own free will. In fact, she'd almost considered feigning ill, just to be spared, but knew Spencer would be even more pissed at her.

"I just have one of those faces," Ashley said, a fake smile on her face and she turned her head, glaring at Glen who sat next to the girl.

It was bad enough she wasn't allowed to make fun of Spencer's recently divorced and incredibly pathetic brother, but he had to bring his new girlfriend to dinner who was wholly obnoxious. She was prissy, probably a former sorority girl, and mostly looked at them all as if they were the dregs of society. Which was exactly why Ashley couldn't fathom her dating Glen.

Spencer, who was sitting next to her, was anxiously tapping her foot, pushing her food around on her plate. Paula, sitting to the right of Spencer at the bottom of the table kept throwing looks at Ashley as if the brunette had occasion to suddenly vanish. Arthur sat at the head of the table, oblivious to the obvious tension at the other end, talking to Chelsea, who sat next to him, and her son, Anthony, who sat next to Ashley squirming for most of the meal. Glen and his new girlfriend, Michelle, sat right across from Ashley and Spencer, to the brunette undoubtedly the worst place to put the annoying girl.

"You know, you kinda remind me of that freakin' lesbo from that Pandora band or whatever," Michelle stated, studying Ashley's face as if the answers were written there.

The silence that fell over the table was suffocating, the single comment having stopped all conversation. Ashley stared at the girl, trying to control her blind rage, the only thing actually stopping her was Spencer's hand on her shirt sleeve. Michelle seemed to be surprised at the sudden lull in conversation and glanced around the table. It seemed as if no one had the right words, no one who wanted to speak their mind anyway, and it was Anthony who spoke first.

"That's a mean word and we don't use mean words in this house," he said as if it were the simplest thing, repeating the statement his grandma had told him so many times.

Paula nodded, suddenly having found her voice, "That's right, Anthony, thank you. Michelle, I'd appreciate it if you could keep any derogatory comments you might have about my daughters' lifestyle out of this house. And Ashley," Paula continued, now looking at the rockstar, "don't you even think about it."

Ashley blinked, wondering what alternate reality she had just entered, where not only had Paula referred to her as her daughter, she had also read her mind and forbidden her from punching the obnoxious girl's lights out. She let out the breath she'd been holding, feeling Spencer's hand still holding onto her sleeve and turned to glare daggers at Glen.

Glen, feeling incredibly uncomfortable, looked at his girlfriend, who seemed completely lost, "Ah, honey, remember when I said my sister was married to someone famous?"

Michelle looked around at the other occupants of the table, settling on Ashley and Spencer at last. Apparently completely oblivious to the angry stares she was collecting from the rest of the table, the brunette continued on."Yeah, but...I thought it was a guy!"

"Does it matter?" Glen asked, feeling exasperated and embarrassed. No matter how against their relationship he might have been at first, now seven years later he knew there was no one better for his baby sister than Ashley.

Michelle bristled as if he'd suggested something abhorring and averted her eyes from the two girls across from her. Ashley shook her head, her anger having lessened mostly and smirked at Glen, "Glen, where do you find them?"

The dinner conversation became a lot more reserved after the incident and even Michelle seemed to notice. Nevertheless they made it through the rest of dinner and to dessert without any other major complications. Anthony lightened the mood by regaling them with stories of his classmates, acting out some particularly funny incidents with great gusto until Paula told him to settle down. He had lived with the Carlins since his birth, who were his official guardians, after Chelsea decided she didn't have the emotional or financial security to raise a baby. Chelsea was over several times a week to spend time with her son and both Paula and Arthur enjoyed his presence in the house with both their adult children gone. He was so much like Clay it was almost frightening.

Spencer was actually involved in conversation, even making fun of Ashley once or twice and it reassured the brunette. She'd gladly be the fool in front of the family and an annoying stranger if it made Spencer smile. Michelle had mostly avoided as much as looking at them and Ashley was quite okay with that. Looking over at the blonde next to her, she suddenly frowned.

The younger girl's eyes were cast downward, right arm resting on the table, fork in hand, left under the table on her leg. To anyone else, she seemed as if intently studying her plate, or simply tired, but Ashley knew better. After seven years, she knew. She reached for Spencer's left hand, feeling it trembling slightly against hers and leaned closer, noticing the nearly imperceptible twitches around the blonde's eye and corner of her mouth.

"Spence," she said real softly, squeezing the hand in hers, and waited the agonizing several seconds until blue eyes met hers. The blonde opened her mouth, but didn't respond and Ashley knew she better think fast.

Looking at her watch, she quickly stood up, still holding onto Spencer's hand, "Oh crap, I forgot to call my manager, he's gonna be pissed. Hey Spencer, can you show me where you packed my planner? You know I can't find anything in your mess."

Throwing an apologetic glance at the rest of the table, she pulled Spencer up, wrapping the girl's left arm around her waist and maneuvered them out of the living room and into the hall. Once they were out of sight and earshot, she draped the blonde's arm across her shoulders, noticing how it jerked against her neck. "Can you make it up the stairs, Spence?"

"Think so," Spencer ground out, feeling the uncontrollable twitching take over her entire left side, Ashley nearly dragging her up the stairs. She hoped this one wouldn't get worse, it'd be over like this in less than a minute. But the blurry edges pushed in on her, confusion and fear overwhelming her and the last thing she heard before everything went dark was Ashley, telling her everything was going to be okay.

_to be continued..._


	4. Non Compos Mentis

No, I haven't forgotten about this story, it just so happens I'm a horrible slacker. Forgive me?

**Chapter 4 – Non compos mentis**

2007

She glanced at her phone for the third time in as many minutes, putting it back on the nightstand when she found no missed calls. Ashley laid spread out on her stomach, elbows propped up, a school book in front of her. Aiden was sitting up, leaned against the headboard, the same book resting in his lap as he watched the girl with a frown.

"Got a hot date waiting, or something?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light. He'd been nearly ecstatic to find out Ashley and he had been assigned to do their US Government project together, hoping to maybe gain some of the closeness they had lost since the shooting. Of course, he thought sorely, that would be a lot harder if the girl kept checking her phone constantly.

Ashley turned to look at him and sat up, "No, Spencer's supposed to have her EEG done today and both her parents are at work and Glen's an insensitive jerk, so I'm gonna take her. She's supposed to call me with the time."

"You're spending a lot of time with Spencer," Aiden said, trying not to sound too jealous. It was the truth, however, he'd hardly seen Ashley at all, even at school. He'd tried to deal with the fact that she hadn't chosen him, but he was pretty sure Ashley was going to grow pretty tired of having made a pity choice and turn back to him. After all, why would she have hesitated at prom if she hadn't felt something for him?

Ashley scoffed and stood up, popping her shoulders, "Uh yah, she [b]**is**[/b] my girlfriend, doofus. You want anything to drink? I think I need a break from this law crap."

Stretching his arms, he nodded, glancing down at his book, "Sure, lemme finish this question real quick though."

The brunette shrugged and left the room, Aiden watching her go. He looked over at the nightstand where her phone sat and glanced back at the door. Leaning over he grabbed the phone, fiddling with the buttons until 'Silent Mode' flashed across the screen and quickly set it back. Scooting over to that side of the bed, he settled back against the pillow, just in time to see Ashley come back into the room with two cans of soda.

She threw him a weird look, handing him the can and he shrugged, "This side's just more comfortable."

They settled back onto the bed, Aiden against the headboard, Ashley sitting crosslegged on the other side, both with their US Government books open, pencils in their hands, frustrated looks on their faces. Their government class was putting on a mock trial and just out of sheer luck Ashley and Aiden had been chosen for one of the hardest parts – the state prosecutors. They'd been tasked with setting up arguments and points based on some fake police reports, witness testimonies and evidence the teacher had given them. Knowing she could bullshit her way through a lot of things, Ashley wasn't too worried about the actual trial part, but having to write a brief and written arguments was killing her. Having to do it with Aiden, who she'd been trying to avoid for the past few weeks, made it no easier.

Aiden watched her occasionally, looking up from his notepad, wishing she wasn't so distant from him lately. He knew taking care of Spencer was taking a lot out of her and he felt slightly ashamed to realize he resented the blonde girl for her injuries.

"What do you think about this?" Ashley's voice tore him out of his reverie and she showed her notepad to him, reading off the argument she had worked out.

The tension between them lessened as they talked out their arguments, playing two different sides to their case, working out the kinks in their brief. This was a large chunk of their grade and they knew they needed to do well on this. Ashley actually found herself laughing a few times at something the boy said, glad that they were able to just hang out as friends without it becoming a big deal. They worked steadily for a while, the work completely occupying them, happy that they were able to mostly breeze through it without too much difficulty. Neither of them really noticed as it grew darker outside.

It was the loud pounding on the front door that broke both of them out of the bubble they'd been working in. Ashley threw Aiden a curious look and got up to go downstairs, closely followed by the boy himself. The heaving pounding on the door got louder as she drew closer and she almost hesitated to open it. As soon as she pushed the door handle down, a red-faced, livid Glen Carlin stood inside her living room. He looked from Aiden to Ashley with narrowed eyes, then zeroed in on the girl.

"You are unbelievable. I can't believe I almost thought you were alright," the blonde boy spat at her and Ashley drew back from the venom in his voice.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She steeled her voice, not wanting to betray any emotions in the face of irrationality, but internally she was slightly worried. What if something had happened to Spencer? Noticing the wide open door she frowned – when had it gotten dark outside?

Glen scoffed, the sneer returning to his face, "This is just great! Earlier, when my sick baby sister asked where her girlfriend was, I didn't have an explanation. Now I can tell her she was with her ex-boyfriend."

Ashley threw up her hands, needing to figure out what the hell was going on. She'd never seen Glen so furious. "I'm not [b]**with**[/b] Aiden, ass, we're studying. Spencer's supposed to call me before her appointment later."

Shaking his head, Glen smirked, but the anger never left his eyes, "You're probably the worst liar, ever, Ashley. It's like 7:30; what, were you too busy fucking your ex to notice the time?"

His words were now making Ashley angry as well. Glen had no right to storm into her house, accusing her like this, but when she glanced at the clock on the wall she realized he was right. She'd been upstairs with Aiden for nearly four hours. "I didn't even get a fucking call, she couldn't have wanted me there that badly."

Glen let out what sounded like a roar, balling his fists as he came closer, "She called you three times! And then I called you twice from the hospital. You don't even deserve her, you freakin' bitch."

Ashley stared at him, eyes narrowed, "You're lying." But somehow, looking into his enraged face, the pure emotion there, she knew he wasn't. Holding up a hand at him, she ran up the stairs, grabbing her phone, before making her way back down to the living room. She frowned, slowing down her steps, as she saw the phone display showing she had five missed calls.

Descending the last step, she stopped in front of Glen, holding up her phone, "I know I didn't put this thing on silent!"

Glen, feeling the rage in him still boiling, scoffed at the look on her face. Now she was playing innocent; just perfect! Aiden had watched the scene between the two with apprehension, never having seen his friend so enraged, and stepped closer to Ashley, who was still fiddling with her phone.

"I put your phone on 'silent', Ash, I didn't want us to get distracted while we worked on our project. It's pretty important," Aiden said, hands raised somewhat defensively, sounding as if it was no big deal at all.

The other two just stared at him for a few seconds, letting that revelation sink in perhaps. Ashley knew there were definitely things she was going to say, but before she even got a chance, Glen went off. The blonde boy crossed the distance between him and Aiden in a split-second, his arm already drawing back and punched the dark-haired boy across the nose. The sickening crunch that could be heard upon impact reverberated around the otherwise silent house, followed by the pained shouts of Aiden.

Glen stood back, chest heaving, and glared at his former friend, "It's your fault I had to spend three hours watching my little sister having seizures while crying for her girlfriend. The only thing, the only fucking thing, I could possibly have done for her while she was in pain was find Ashley, and I couldn't even do that because you turned her fucking phone off. If I didn't have to go back home to make sure Spencer is okay, I'd tear you apart."

Ashley stared at the blonde in shock, the venom in his voice, the tears pooling in his eyes and swallowed hard at the thought of Spencer alone and in pain. Looking at Aiden, she hardly felt a thing other than anger at seeing him bent over, pressing a hand to his bleeding nose. He looked at them both, clearly pissed off, and Ashley considered punching him as well.

"Aiden, get the fuck out of my house," she said in a low, threatening tone and the boy scoffed, leaving through the still open front door. Ashley didn't know what she would've done if he had gone back upstairs to get his stuff.

Her eyes met Glen's, his breathing still ragged, but his rage seemingly fading. She nodded at him, walking towards the door, "Let's go, Glen."

The blonde boy watched her for a second, then followed her out into the night air. He didn't have to ask where they were going.

* * *

2014

Paula ascended the stairs slowly, glancing at the clock on the wall. It had been nearly an hour since Ashley and Spencer vanished upstairs and she was a little worried. She knew Ashley's explanation had been weak at best, even then at dinner, but hadn't given it too much thought. It wasn't that she didn't trust Ashley with her daughter, quite the opposite really, but as a mother she was prone to worry, especially in Spencer's case. She'd nearly lost her daughter once, she wouldn't dare let something happen to Spencer ever again.

She stopped in front of the door to Spencer's old room, noticing the closed door. She'd almost considered telling Ashley she had to sleep on the couch downstairs, having often gained enjoyment out of baiting the brunette, but she hadn't wanted to upset her daughter as well. She knocked softly on the door, having learned her lesson about walking in unannounced seven years ago. She had come a long way since then.

Hearing a voice telling her to come in, she opened the door tentatively, only entering the doorway. Paula looked over at the bed and frowned, stepping into the room. Ashley was lying back against the headboard, pillows propped under her back, the thick comforter drawn up over her legs. Her left hand held a book, which Paula recognized to be Harry Potter, while the right was tangled in the blonde hair splayed across her stomach. Spencer's head was resting on Ashley's abdomen, left arm draped across the brunette's lap. Her face was turned into Ashley's ribcage, eyes closed, and the covers were drawn up to nearly her shoulders.

Paula stared at them, so intimately connected, the steady rise and fall of Spencer's chest, the rhythmic motion of Ashley's fingers running through the blonde hair. Ashley watched the older woman approach, hoping there wasn't a lecture about to happen. She'd just managed to get Spencer to relax, though she knew that was less her handiwork and more the powerful painkillers she'd provided for the blonde. Paula stopped at the edge and sat down, one hand reaching out to touch Spencer's back under the blankets.

"She had another seizure," Ashley explained softly, glancing down at the blonde head bedded on her torso.

Rubbing her hand along the contour of her daughter's back, Paula met Ashley's eyes, "Must've been a bad one, she's out. Isn't this the second in two days?"

Ashley nodded, sighing, "Yeah, though this one was a full tonic-clonic; yesterday was just a partial, even though she was pretty confused after. I think she forgot to take her meds this morning."

Frowning, Paula shifted closer onto the bed, "That doesn't sound like Spencer."

"She's been under a lot of stress lately, more than normal. The new meds were working pretty well for the past few months...," Ashley trailed off, wondering if she'd said too much already. Spencer had dealt with stress in the past seven years mostly without a significant impact on her health. Although stress was a definite trigger for her seizures, the meds and a lot of relaxation techniques had usually helped her through the rough patches. This was different, Ashley knew. This was Spencer stressing over Ashley's safety, and probably, the brunette realized, over Ashley not letting her in on what was going on.

"What kind of stress?" Paula asked, eyes narrowing slightly. If Spencer was stressed or upset enough to forget her meds, something she hadn't done in over six years, something probably wasn't right and, knowing her daughter, she figured it had something to do with Ashley.

Seeing the look in the woman's eyes, Ashley knew she said too much. It was that look so familiar to her seventeen-year-old self, the one that said she had somehow done something to hurt Spencer. She thought about the real reason why things were wrong, wondering if Paula would take her head off if she found out. Ashley hadn't discussed the situation much with anyone, really. She had found out from Josh, who had insisted she hire more security. She had told Esmeralda some, just because of the increased security measures. Ashley hadn't discussed it with Spencer at all, beyond mentioning what was going on. It had freaked the blonde out immensely.

"I uh...," Ashley started, averting her eyes. She looked down at Spencer, sleeping peacefully now, and lifted her head to look at Paula, "I've been getting death threats. Just some...crazed fan or something, y'know. It's nothing really, but they've increased security and stuff...screening our mail."

Paula stared at the younger girl in shock, not sure what she was even supposed to say to that. She looked down at her daughter, sleeping in Ashley's arms, and her heart broke for them both. They'd gone through so much in the past seven years together and as much as she had initially disliked the brunette, Ashley had proven herself by being there for Spencer.

"I'm really sorry," she breathed, meeting Ashley's eyes again, "Do the police have any leads? Do they think it's anything serious?"

Ashley, surprised that Paula hadn't immediately proceeded to rip Spencer out of her arms for her protection, swallowed at the lump now in her throat. "They don't know too much, other than it's the same person. I wasn't really...too worried at first, but...yesterday they uh...there was another letter and this time...he threatened Spencer."

Feeling the words as if they were a physical blow, Paula drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. The pain, worry and anger were easily discernible in the brunette's voice. Paula knew Ashley would never let anything happen to her daughter, but that didn't mean she, herself, wasn't wrought with fear, "Maybe Spencer should come stay with us for a while. He wouldn't be able to find her here."

Smiling ruefully, Ashley glanced down at the blonde, "She wouldn't want to, she doesn't wanna leave me alone. And we start recording again in a few days, I can't leave Seattle. Plus, you know you don't want me in your house with Spencer for an undetermined amount of time."

Seeing the slight smirk on the brunette's face, Paula raised an eyebrow. They didn't have many conversations together period, even fewer that were emotionally ladden like this and she knew they both felt more comfortable slipping back into their original roles of antagonizing each other. "Oh Ashley, don't be naïve, I'd make you sleep on the couch downstairs."

Ashey managed a weak scoff, wondering when their hostile statements had lost their bitterness and almost turned into a sort of banter. She knew somewhere hell must have frozen over for her mother-in-law to not have killed her already during this conversation.

"Ashley," Paula said softly, face serious again, waiting until brown eyes met hers, "don't you dare let anything happen to yourself. Spencer needs you, don't let her down."

Too stunned to speak, Ashley watched as Paula leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to Spencer's temple, and stood up. The older woman left the room, silently closing the door behind her and Ashley leaned her head back. She really wanted to know when she had entered the Twilight Zone.

* * *

2007

It got dark early in the winter months and without the light the cold air she had managed to ignore during the day felt chilling to her bones. It was one of those misconceptions, that it didn't get cold in a place like LA, but as she shivered slightly in the cold, she knew that was crap. Of course, she had lived in this city all her life, and she should have known better than to dress like this. At least, Ashley thought as she wrapped her arms around herself, she had worn a thick hoodie before leaving the house. She glanced out her car window, at the drive way to the right and looked back at her clock.

Tapping her fingers nervously against the steering wheel, she stared out at the street, illuminated by the streetlamps set at perfect intervals. Ashley sighed in relief when she spotted the car coming down the street, turning into the driveway. Stepping out of her car, the brunette wrapped her arms around herself as the cold air hit her and she involuntarily shivered. She watched the four people getting out of the car and hesitated, wondering why she was so incredibly nervous.

She had actually laughed out loud when Spencer had invited her over for Christmas Eve dinner at her house. Ever since prom, Ashley didn't like to think of it as the shooting, Spencer had sometimes had a weird sense of humor. Granted, tempting her mother into committing murder on one of the most sacred days of the year might not have been humorous even to Spencer, but Ashey had been too shocked to react otherwise. Naturally, she had upset her girlfriend and had to spend five minutes explaining herself, before Spencer relented. Ashley was still skeptical, wasn't sure that this wasn't some sort of trap. Not that she didn't trust Spencer. But when the blonde had told her that Paula herself had suggested Spencer invite Ashley, she had almost laughed again.

One of the dark figures came over to her, the now nearly imperceptible limp in the gait revealing it was Spencer. The blonde stepped up to her, smiling brightly, her cheeks and nose red from the cold air, her breath rising visibly into the breeze.

"You came!" Spencer exhaled, and drew the brunette into a hug, holding on tightly.

"Of course I did, I wouldn't miss this for the world," Ashley responded softly, face pressed against the blonde head. No matter how good it felt to hold her girlfriend in her arms, she wasn't so sure she wanted to be doing it within easy killing distance of Paula Carlin. Pulling away, she grasped Spencer's hand in hers and together they walked towards the front door.

The warm air inside the house made her face tingle and she shook herself slightly, trying to remove the last vestiges of the chill she had felt. As soon as they stepped inside, Paula was there, still dressed in her church clothes, looking at their clasped hands with a tight smile.

"Ashley, so glad you could join us."

The brunette smiled at her brightly, knowing it would piss Paula off even more if she didn't let herself get affected by the woman, "Thank you for inviting me, Mrs C."

As they walked past the kitchen to the living room, Arthur noticed them, "Oh hey, Ashley, glad you could come. Dinner will be ready in about 40 minutes girls."

She smiled at him, noticing the difference in tone between him and his wife, and made a face at Glen, who was sprawled across the couch already. Spencer dragged her upstairs, ignoring the faces her mom was making, and closed the door behind them. She immediately went to her closet to find something a little more comfortable to wear than church clothes. Ashley watched her change, mouth going dry and shifted uncomfortably. It had been nearly seven months since the prom, but they hadn't really been as intimate as Ashley sometimes wished. Of course, that was mostly due to Spencer's injuries, then seizures, and insecurity issues, as well as the brunette feeling just a little afraid she might hurt the blonde. Of course, tonight, with the entire Carlin family downstairs for Christmas Eve, it definitely wasn't the right time.

Spencer, completely dressed now, walked over to her girlfriend with a smile, resting her hands on the brunette's shoulders as she leaned down. Their lips met softly at first, tentatively as if needing to find each other every time they kissed, and Ashley brought her hands to Spencer's waist. When the blonde's tongue flicked across her lips, Ashley groaned, falling back onto the bed, pulling Spencer with her. Spencer laughed, her full weight now on top of the brunette, and the sound was heaven to Ashley. These past seven months had been hell, but they had been through hell together.

She looked at Spencer above her, running her hands through the girl's hair and smiled, "I wanna give you your present now."

Spencer frowned, eyelids fluttering against the pleasurable sensations the brunette was creating on her scalp, "I thought we were waiting till tomorrow?"

Ashley flipped them over with a grin and leaned down to press a soft kiss on Spencer's lips, "I know, but just this one. You'll get the others tomorrow."

The blonde watched curiously as Ashley drew back and pulled something out of the pocket of her sweater. Ashley sat down next to Spencer and held out her hand to the blonde, who sat up as well, looking at her. She opened the little black box on her hand, the dim light reflecting off the silver band in the box.

"Umm...Ash," Spencer started, reaching out for the ring with a shaky hand.

"Oh uh, no, it's not like that...it's a promise ring," Ashley answered with a nervous chuckle and picked the ring up out of the box.

She met Spencer's eyes, returning the girl's soft smile, and reached for the blonde's hand. "It's there to show you that I promise to always be there for you, no matter what happens, no matter where we are. I'll never leave you, Spence. 'Semper Amemus' - Our love is forever."

Ashley turned the ring so Spencer could see the entire inscription, before slipping it on the blonde's right ring finger. When she met the blue eyes again, she saw they were swimming with tears and chuckled softly. Brushing the tears away with her thumps she leaned forward until their noses almost touched.

"Don't cry, Spence," she whispered, gently kissing each of the girl's eyelids, her nose, her forehead.

Spencer smiled, running her hands up the brunette's arms, interlocking her fingers behind Ashley's neck. Their eyes met again and Spencer gazed at her girlfriend intently, "I love you, Ashley."

Ashley smiled, fingers in the blonde hair as she leaned forward, "I love you, too, Spencer." When they kissed, it was slow and sweet, so gentle they might have lost themselves in each other. Ashley pulled Spencer down with her, their arms around each other, legs entangled, sinking so deep into each other they might as well have been one.

* * *

2014

The sun was starting to dip below the horizon, orange and red streaking across the sky as a perfect backdrop to the occasion. Although it was the beginning of February, it wasn't too terribly cold, and she felt the slight breeze tug at her long-sleeved shirt. All around her there were people, most gathered into small groups, huddled together, properly adjusted facial expressions for the occasion. Most of these people, she knew, really had no connection to the tragedy; they hadn't gone to school here, they hadn't lived here, they hadn't lost like she had lost.

She felt the small hand in hers and looked down with a soft smile. Her nephew looked back at her, a much brighter smile gracing his face and somehow it eased the tightness in her chest. He looked so much like Clay it was almost scary to her and she just wished her brother could've seen his son. She knew he had helped the entire family come to terms with Clay's death, in one way or another. Though she didn't get to see him nearly enough, they had a special bond, just like she had shared with Clay.

The small podium at the front was empty but for a microphone. People were talking in hushed whispers around them, so many of them she didn't recognize at all. King High hadn't changed all that much in six years, maybe a new paint job here and there, but overall, she felt no different than the day she had left it for the last time. Well, that wasn't necessarily the whole truth. Spencer knew she had changed over the years.

A bald, middle-aged man in a cheap gray suit stepped up to the microphone, wringing his hands nervously. He silenced the crowd with a wave of the hand, and cleared his throat before speaking. "Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you all for coming out here tonight for this special occasion. I'm Principal Wexler. Now before we get started I want to thank the King High school faculty and students, for making this all possible. They worked hard to set up this little event."

Some applause rang out, but Spencer remained silent. She wasn't even sure she really wanted to be here and had a good idea a large percentage of people in attendance were here only for one reason – Ashley. They hadn't wanted to make a big deal of it, but the school had practically insisted; it wasn't every day that a famous rockstar came to their school.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she turned to look into her mom's face, seeing her dad hurrying towards them, trying not to draw attention. Spencer felt immediately calmer, as weird as that might have struck her years ago. Paula came to stand next to her daughter, throwing her a worried glance. She hoped Spencer was up for this, though she'd felt fine all day, despite her seizure last night. Still holding Anthony's hand with her right, Spencer felt her mother take her left and closed her eyes. She was going to be okay.

"This is a night to remember those we lost and to honor them. Although the shooting that defined King High for so long happened nearly seven years ago, the scars it left behind are no less painful and no less visible. Four young people lost their lives that night and nearly a dozen were injured in that senseless act of violence. No one who was touched by their lives has ever been the same. It is important that we remember, remember not only what happened here one spring night in 2007, but also remember those who are no longer with us. Remember that they were people with dreams and goals, with friends and families, kids who never really got a chance to see what life had to offer. And thus tonight, in honor of their memories, we will unveil this memorial and remember, Shawn Bauer, Clay Carlin, Jamal Jones and Christy Pennebaker. Please go ahead and light your candles."

Spencer pulled herself out of the strange void she had entered, his words tightening the band around her chest. She looked over at her mom who was holding her burning candle out, letting Anthony light his with a sturdy hand to convey how ready he really was to handle a burning flame by himself. The ghost of a smile played on Spencer's lips as she watched him, a serious look on his face. They'd tried to tell him as much as they could about his father, showing him pictures and family videos every chance they got. Nevertheless it wasn't easy for a six-year-old to understand what had happened that night and why his dad wasn't around.

Principal Wexler, from the stage, pulled a cloth from the memorial, revealing a bronze pillar standing over five feet tall. Spencer had seen it before, in pictures during the planning, but had never much cared for what it said or looked like. One side had the date and location of the shooting, as well as some sentimental words she didn't care to remember. Another side was engraved with a cheesy poem about life and death, something she really hadn't cared for. The only side that mattered, in her eyes anyway, was the one with the names and classes of those that had died that night.

People clapped again as they saw the memorial, though enthusiasm was certainly missing from the crowd. Then again, Spencer figured, that was probably a good thing. This wasn't supposed to be a happy event. The solemn faces illuminated in the flickering candlelight expressed their sorrow well enough, though plenty of them looked young enough to be current King High students. How affected could they possibly be seven years after the tragedy?

"Now, I'd like to introduce the person who made all this possible, by donating the money for the memorial and lending an eyewitness account to the tragedy. Ladies and gentleman, King High School Class of 2008 alum, Ashley Davies," Principal Wexler spoke, stepping off to the side to allow the brunette onto the stage.

As she had feared, the applause was much louder for Ashley than it had been all evening. Spencer shifted uncomfortably on her feet, eying the crowd. Even though she knew that somewhere around the area there was hired security, she couldn't help but feel uneasy about the brunette being up on that stage. She felt her mother squeeze her hand in reassurance and looked at her, surprised. Ashley had told her about the threats. She really hadn't expected that, considering their generally hostile relationship and wondered briefly why she hadn't been walled into her bedroom, yet, to never return to Seattle with Ashley.

Ashley stepped up to the microphone with a slight smile, eyes immediately scanning the crowd for Spencer. She noticed the Carlins standing in the back, under a tree and away from the main body of the crowd, all their eyes on her. Seeing Spencer holding hands with her mom and her nephew, her father right behind the two women, Glen towards the side, made her feel weirdly relieved. Spencer would be okay.

She hadn't really wanted this at all. Ashley had approached the school about doing a memorial years ago and naturally, thanks to the bureaucracy, it had taken until now to get approved and built. First she wanted to just give the money, but they had wanted her to be here for it. Now when she was there, they had figured she might as well go on stage and speak. And then, once she was up there, why couldn't she sing something? Certainly, she mused, this was the best way to get people to the unveiling of a memorial for something that happened years ago.

"Hey, thanks everyone. It's a little weird, being back here after all these years, especially considering the occasion. There really isn't much I can say about any of this. Yeah, I was there the night it happened and although I definitely want us to remember those who died, sometimes it's just easier to forget that entire night. Four people lost their lives that night, but the rest of us, their friends, their families, we didn't escape unharmed. They've been gone for seven years, but we're still here, without them and it's so hard sometimes. Hard to understand why it was them and not us, hard to not feel guilty that the one I love survived when they didn't, hard to let them live on in our memories only. So, what I really wanted to say, cherish what you have, because any day could be the last. Don't let those that love you go and remember these four people by living a life that would make them proud. Spencer, I love you."

Ashley locked eyes with the blonde as she spoke the last words, wearing a serious expression, ignoring the applause. She grabbed the acoustic guitar someone handed her form the side, and adjusted it across her shoulder, "Alright, they asked me to play something in tribute, and I thought this song was pretty appropriate."

Spencer blinked the tears away, not wanting to cry in front of hundreds of strangers, instead focusing on the two hands still wrapped around hers. No matter what, she always had her family, especially Ashley, through heaven and hell.

The brunette on stage smiled softly, the way she always did wearing a guitar and her smile reflected on Spencer's face. Adjusting the guitar again, the brunette lowered her head and began playing, losing herself in her music like she always did. The simple notes rang out across the yard, boosted by the speakers, and Ashley's voice followed, strong, yet incredibly sad, "Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven..."

Spencer had a soft smile on her face watching the brunette, remembering the numerous times Ashley had played that song just for her. Resting her head on her mother's shoulder she sighed, her dad's hand on her back as they listened to the melancholy song. And Spencer knew, everything would be alright.

* * *

2008

"Rodrick Calloway," the announcer shouted and polite applause rang out, mixed in with some shouts from whatever section the kid's family was sitting in.

Ashley shifted her weight nervously, glancing around at the people in front and behind her. She was swallowed by the sea of green surrounding her and tugged at the uncomfortably hot gown she was being forced to wear. Who had outdoor graduation ceremonies in summer in California?

She blinked against the bright sun, shifting in her seat to catch a glance of the blonde. Turning her head, Ashley easily saw the entire Carlin clan take up a section, inclusive some aunts, uncles, cousins and probably a grandparent or two. Knowing she'd be lucky if her mom was present at all, most likely intoxicated or here by accident, the brunette sighed and sank a little lower in her chair. This was akin to some kind of torture, she was sure, and the only reason she was here was for her girlfriend.

"Samantha Caraca."

Ashley almost visibly winced as the announcer continued, watching the ridiculously made up girl prance across the stage to the screams of a dozen fellow ridiculously made up girls. Tugging at her cap with a frown, she sat up straighter, knowing Spencer was next. That really was the sole reason she was here; not just because the blonde had admonished her for not wanting to go to her own High School graduation, but also to see Spencer walk across that stage herself. Something she almost didn't get to do.

She finally glimpsed the blonde at the side of the stage and smiled. Spencer looked beautiful, even in the ugly green cap and gown and her eyes stood out so blue Ashley felt herself swallowed in them. It had been the hardest year in either of their lives, wrought with so much anguish, pain, anger and, ultimately, love. That Spencer was standing up there, waiting for her name to be read, was nothing short of a miracle. A few scars adorned her head, her gait still revealed a slight limp, she had the occasional seizure and mood swings, but to Ashley she was nothing short of perfect.

"Spencer Carlin," the announcer boomed and Spencer's smile could've lit the entire universe as she made her way across the stage to the principal. Even the teachers in attendance looked especially pleased to see her, so many of them having worked so hard with her to overcome the lasting effects of her brain injuries. The applause for her was a little more enthusiastic than for a lot of others; most people in attendance knew what she had gone through and were amazed to see her having made it through.

No one made more noise, however, than the Carlins, who seemed to pour all their energy into letting everyone know they were there. Ashley grinned, standing up herself, and was surprised to see a few of her fellow students following suit. A few she didn't even know, though most notable were Madison and even Aiden.

Spencer shook the principal's hand, as he said something to her that made her smile even bigger. She took the diploma from him and turned towards the crowd where her family was, waving slightly at them. Ashley smirked, cupping her hands around her mouth and yelled as loudly as she possibly could, "I love you, Spencer!"

Winking as a blushing blonde met her eyes, Ashley sat back down. She smiled, practically able to feel Paula staring daggers into her back. The rest of the ceremony hardly held her interest, not even the part where she herself made her way across the stage. Her reception was, expectedly, a lot less enthusiastic than Spencer's, though Kyla and Spencer did a fairly decent job shouting their heads off.

Sure, she was glad and somewhat excited to be graduating from High School, but to be honest, Ashley knew if it hadn't been for Spencer needing her there this year, she might have just dropped out. She had no plans to go to college, especially not now when her former small-time band, Pandora's Box, had finally gained some local notoriety. Nothing fancy, she didn't get recognized or anything except for by some hardcore local fans, but they'd had several gigs and their manager had gotten them a place on another local band's tour. Granted, it was mostly gigs around Southern Cali, but it was a start.

Spencer, on the other hand, was college-bound, and Ashley felt just a little ashamed that she was glad Paula's overprotectiveness was keeping the blonde in LA. Though her grades hadn't suffered too horribly in her senior year, they'd all agreed it would be a better idea for her to go to a smaller, local school where the faculty was more equipped to help her. Spencer had been upset, always having had her eyes on something Ivy League, but Occidental College wasn't a bad school and this way she got to stay near her family, and, most notably, Ashley.

Ashley couldn't wait to see Spencer and spent the entire end of the ceremony anxiously tapping her foot. No sooner did the thundering applause sweep across the attendees than Ashley was up, climbing over a row of chairs to get to her girlfriend. Spencer looked damn cute in the stupid cap and gown and the brunette smiled, coming up behind the girl. She wrapped her arms around Spencer's waist from behind, chuckling when the blonde squeaked at the contact.

"Ash, we did it!" Spencer exclaimed, turning in the brunette's arms. She sounded so enthusiastic she made the brunette grin.

"Nah, you did it, Spence; I was just along for the ride," Ashley said, cutting off any counter-arguments effectively by pressing her lips against the blonde's. It really was just meant to be a short, sweet kiss, but when Spencer wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck, Ashley couldn't help but deepen it.

Was it the best idea to be making out with Spencer in close proximity of the girl's entire extended family, especially Paula, who surely had a makeshift weapon of some sort? Ashley figured probably not, but then again, she felt like nothing could go wrong on a day like this.

* * *


	5. Panem et Circenses

**Chapter 5 – Panem et circenses**

2014

"...be waiting for their new album. Now, on to some actual news from Pandora's Box; yes, it's been a while. According to the label, a new album has been in the works for a while; inside sources reveal the delay is mostly due to Pandora's main star – Ashley Davies."

"Ugh," Ashley groaned, rolling her eyes at the TV. She was stretched out on the couch, the remote just out of reach. She considered moving to grab it, but just when she'd mustered up enough energy, she felt something hard hit her stomach. Grunting, she looked at the gray and white cat standing on all four legs on top of her, paws pressing in just the right places to make it hurt. Ashley threw it a look, and the cat made a few, for Ashley very uncomfortable, steps, before lying across the brunette's chest.

She reached out a hand to rub its head, wondering why the damn thing liked her so much. Turning her head, she looked at the TV just in time to catch a grainy clip of her at the memorial service. Ashley frowned as the images switched to ones of her at the airport.

"None of this is a surprise to fans, of course, who are well aware of Ashley's often erratic behavior. Cancelled shows and forgotten interviews are no big deal to this star, who usually cites 'family problems' for any conflicts she provokes. Ashley's wife was seriously injured in a school shooting over six years ago and suffers from lasting effects, which has prompted the star to protect her wife from mostly all media intrusions. According to sources close to Pandora's Box, this inane protectiveness is the main source of strife among the band members and label. You want my advice? If you're a star, you can't get angry every time someone tries to get close to your family. That protectiveness might've been cute at first, Ashley, but now it's just downright weird. Don't expect much to come from Pandora's Box in the next few weeks, as Miss Davies spent the weekend at a memorial service for the 2007 King High School shooting. Just let it go already!"

Ashley clenched her jaw, grabbing for the nearest inanimate object and hurled it at the TV, "Fuck off, Kurt Loder."

The paperback book crashed against the TV harmlessly and Ashley frowned as she heard the front door close. She reached for the remote at last, quickly changing the channel and swatted at the cat who had dug her claws into the brunette at the sudden movement. Refusing to move, however, the cat just purred and nudged her hand, demanding to be petted.

Ashley complied with a sigh, looking up as she heard the footsteps coming into the living room. She looked up at the blonde, who leaned over the back of the couch. Spencer grinned, seeing Ashley and the cat so close, "Ha, I knew you liked her!"

The brunette scoffed, removing her hand from the cat's head, who immediately got up when she saw Spencer, jumping up on the back of the sofa to be next to the blonde, "Please, she practically threw herself at me. Face it, Joanie is a slut."

Spencer rolled her eyes at the brunette, who sat up against the cushions, watching them. The blonde walked around the sofa, dropping into the cushions with a heavy sigh, still petting Joanie, who was now perched on her lap, purring loudly. Ashley remembered the day they'd gotten the kitten from the Humane Society; it had been the exact same day she found out her band was going on a national tour. She'd been so worried about leaving Spencer behind for several months, by herself in their apartment, she'd told the blonde she was going to get her a dog. And then the dog had turned into the skinniest, weirdest, cross-eyed cat Spencer had managed to find. Never one to deny the blonde anything, Ashley had given in.

"How was class?" Ashley asked, petting Joanie appeasingly to be allowed to draw closer to Spencer. She sat, cross-legged, facing the blonde, while Spencer's head was lying back.

"Fine, tons of homework, of course. Some guy asked me out," Spencer smirked at the last part, opening an eye to watch the expressions on the brunette's face.

Ashley raised an eyebrow, "He asked you out. Really?"

Spencer frowned, raising her head, "What's that supposed to mean? You don't think some 20-year-old college guy would ask me out?"

Rolling her eyes, the brunette reached out a hand for Spencer's, "Come on, Spence, I think he'd be stupid not to want to ask you out. I just can't believe he did so, because, one, you are wearing a wedding ring, and two, seeing Leon with you should've scared the crap out of him."

Spencer smirked, thinking back to the blonde guy actually catching a glimpse of her "body guard", and shrugged, "He asked me as I was leaving the classroom, Leon was outside. And yes, I told him I was married and before he could say anything else, he saw Leon and he practically ran the other way."

Ashley nodded, a satisfied grin on her face. Leon had been one of her very first body guards way back when they first hit it big and he had started his own security company since then. Though she mostly didn't need more security than what was provided at whatever stop on their tour they were, when she did she always returned to Leon. She knew she could trust him completely. And she had asked him specifically to protect Spencer when the blonde was out by herself. Leon was a good 6'3'', 250 lbs of muscle, with a shaved head, and he liked to wear dark sunglasses and a black suit. Ashley knew him, and she sometimes felt a little intimidated around the huge black man.

"So, you've just been lazy all day, I take it?" Spencer asked, kicking her shoes off and leaning back against the brunette.

Ashley wrapped one arm around the blonde, resting her cheek against the soft hair, "No, I fed the cat and turned on the pool filter. You're the educated one in this family, babe, you're gonna be the breadwinner!"

She was amazed every time how Spencer managed to keep up with her classes. To some, taking six years to complete a Bachelor's degree might seem excessive, but to Ashley it was nothing short of amazing. Remembering how hard the blonde had struggled at first, after the shooting, with her schoolwork and how she was doing so well now, made Ashley extremely proud. Spencer often had a harder time understanding complex problems and figuring out solutions, but with the help of some very dedicated teachers in High School, she'd worked around it and not only gotten her High School diploma, but she was about to receive her Bachelor's in Social Welfare from the University of Washington.

Ashley grinned just thinking about the upcoming graduation. She'd already booked flights for the Carlins and reserved extra seats for the graduation ceremony, all, of course, without telling Spencer. The blonde had been trying to downplay the occasion, even trying to convince her parents they didn't need to come. Ashley, naturally, would not let that happen.

"Did you at least 'cook' dinner, oh lazy one?" Spencer asked, making air quotes with her fingers that made Ashley laugh.

Squeezing the blonde tighter against her, she leaned down and kissed Spencer's cheek, before pushing her off gently, "Of course, your highness. Right this way."

Ashley stood and grabbed Spencer's hand, pulling her up, feeling a slight satisfaction when Joanie was unceremoniously dumped from the blonde's lap. Pressing her lips to the blonde's gently, she lingered there for a few moments, before pulling away with a soft smile. Ashley led a grinning Spencer into the kitchen to woo her with her take-out ordering skills.

* * *

2008

"Hi, Paula!" Ashley entered the house in a rare good mood, not even caring about the half-hearted greeting she received from the blonde woman. She had just returned from a meeting with their manager, Josh, who had laid out the plan for the next two months. She could hardly believe they had gotten so lucky, so quickly.

The few gigs they had played in SoCal over the summer had, apparently, paid off, and Pandora's Box had been asked to join a much more prominent band as an opening act on the west coast part of their tour. It wasn't a nationally known act or anything, but playing in other big cities along the coast would give them some much needed exposure and Ashley was thrilled. They'd just found out yesterday they'd be packing up and leaving for two months starting next week. She'd tried to break the news to Spencer gently, though still wasn't sure what the blonde's reaction really was.

Entering her girlfriend's bedroom, which really was their bedroom at this point considering how Ashley rarely slept anywhere else, she noticed Spencer sitting at her desk, books spread out in front of her. Her head was resting in one of her propped up hands, back slightly turned to Ashley. The brunette smiled, stepping over some of her clothes that were strewn on the floor. Officially, Ashley had no home; she'd moved out of her mother's house after graduation and had never really bothered to get her own space since then. She spent most of her time with Spencer and most of her nights at the Carlin house and knew Spencer wouldn't really want her to be anywhere else anyway. Considering Paula had yet to say something, Ashley figured she was safe.

"You know, people at your school are off," she started, noticing how Spencer sat up straighter, but didn't turn, "some of them were bragging about how the president-elect went to Occidental, too. They do realize Obama didn't actually graduate from there, right?"

When she received no response, she stepped closer, reaching out a hand to touch Spencer's shoulder, "Babe, what's wrong?"

Spencer turned to face her at last, fresh tear tracks on her face and Ashley frowned. "I can't do this!"

The brunette glanced down at the desk, watching as the blonde shoved at her books in frustration, "Can't do what? Spencer, the semester is almost over and you've done really well in all your classes, I don't get why you're freaking out now?"

Brushing the brunette's hand off, Spencer stood up, crossing her arms, "Of course you don't get it, you're not here!"

Ashley frowned again, growing confused, "I'm right here, Spencer."

Scoffing, Spencer turned her head away, "Yeah, but you're leaving me for two months. You won't even be here for Thanksgiving! And I don't understand this, I just don't [b]get[/b] what they want, I just can't do it."

Realizing Spencer was now all out crying, Ashley watched as the blonde gestured at the books again and sighed, trying to stay calm, "Spence, if you're having problems we'll get you a tutor, it's no problem. And I'll be back before you know it."

"I don't want a damn tutor, I want my girlfriend here when I need her!"

Ashley took a deep breath, clenching her jaw. She'd thankfully had plenty of practice in dealing with moody, angry Spencer, but that didn't mean her words didn't often sting. "Did you take your meds today, babe?"

Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say, as Spencer whipped her head around and glared at the brunette, "Stop treating me like a basket case, Ashley! You think just 'cause I got shot in the head I need to be treated like a baby who's not allowed to be upset when her girlfriend is leaving her?"

Clenching her fists, Ashley took another deep breath, "You know what, Spencer? Fine, have it your way. How about I stop treating you like a baby when you stop being so goddamn selfish! You know this is my dream, this is what I've always wanted and you're trying to guilt trip me into staying. Don't even pretend like I'm not there for you, like I've asked this impossible thing from you. This isn't how a relationship works, Spence."

Spencer watched her girlfriend, voice calm, yet clearly angry, clenched fists trembling slightly. The tears were still running down the blonde's face, but not matter how badly Ashley wanted to hug her and kiss it better, she was way too angry to let herself. Without another word she turned around and walked out of the room, down the stairs and towards the front door. Passing Paula on her way, she barely managed a civil 'Going out', before slamming the door shut behind her.

Paula frowned at the angry look on the brunette's face and went towards the staircase. Despite all her misgivings about Ashley at first, the girl had definitely grown on her, mostly because of the way she was there for Spencer. She hadn't really seen Ashley look that pissed off in a while, maybe not since she'd returned with Glen one night from Aiden's house the day of Spencer's EEG. Quickly making her way up the stairs and towards her daughter's room, she found the door standing wide open.

The room was definitely messier than it used to be, a good amount of Ashley's clothes, as well as a guitar were taking up space in a corner. Paula had considered, at first, about prohibiting the brunette from staying over, especially in Spencer's room, but had discarded that idea after the first few nights Spencer stayed alone. Ashley knew how to deal with the nightmares and Paula was glad at least someone did.

Entering the room, she immediately noticed her daughter sitting on the edge of the bed, arms wrapped around her midsection, sobbing. Two years ago she would have, without a doubt, assumed Ashley had done or said something horrible, but Paula knew now the brunette would never hurt her daughter. She sat tentatively next to Spencer on the bed, a hand on the girl's shaking shoulder, waiting until red, teary eyes met hers.

"Mom, what's wrong with me?" Spencer choked out, lower lip trembling and Paula swallowed at the lump in her throat. It wasn't easy being a mom and not being able to help your child when she was so desperately asking for it.

Brushing some wet strands of hair from her daughter's face, Paula smiled softly, "Oh honey, nothing's wrong with you. You're doing great. These mood swings are a very common side effect from the medication, you know that."

Spencer leaned into the touch, closing her eyes as more tears leaked out, "Ashley left."

Another sob spilled from her lips and Paula sighed, trying to expell the heavy feeling from her chest, "She'll be back, Spencer. She loves you. Okay?"

The girl didn't even try to respond, instead pressing her face against her mother's chest. Paula wrapped both arms around her daughter, rubbing her back soothingly, trying to calm down the sobbing girl.

* * *

2014

Ashley bounded down the stairs and into the kitchen, feeling like a whole new person after her shower. She wasn't sure why, but giving interviews always left her feeling gross. At least the interviewer this time hadn't asked too many personal questions that related to Spencer in any way. Maybe the word had gotten around or Josh had finally done his damn job.

She entered the kitchen, noticing Spencer sitting at the breakfast bar. The blonde must have just come in, a bunch of mail stacked next to her on the counter, her school bag sitting on the floor by her barstool. Ashley walked up beside her, running a hand along the girl's back and stood there expectantly. Spencer turned to look at the brunette and Ashley frowned at the look on her face.

Spencer looked incredibly pale and looking closer, Ashley noted her hands were shaking. Brushing some hair behind the girl's ear, she ran her hand down Spencer's arm, "Babe, what's wrong?"

She followed the blonde's eyes down to the papers she held in her hands and Ashley gasped. Spencer held several 8X10 photographs of herself, walking on campus, all of which had a red target drawn across the blonde's head. A white sheet of paper sat to the side and Ashley reached for it, drawing it closer to her and took the picture's from the other girl's hands. Glancing down at the letter, Ashley felt her throat close up as she read the words.

"I've warned you once. How many warnings do you think you'll get before her blood is on your hands? End it now."

Turning the pictures upside down and pushing the letter to the side, Ashley cupped Spencer's cheek, forcing her to look at her, "Spencer."

Blue eyes met hers, shining with unshed tears and she could feel the blonde clenching her jaw, "He said he warned you before. You got a letter like this before? About me?"

Ashley hesitated, really not wanting to talk about this, especially not if it was going to stress Spencer out even more. But she also knew how she had been handling it hadn't worked very well and now a letter managed to pass through the security system Leon had set up. She sighed. "Yeah, a few weeks ago, before we left for LA. But...the pictures are new. Spencer, you know I won't let anyone hurt you."

Spencer looked away again, fingers playing with the edge of some catalog in front of her, "So, this is what you didn't want me to know?"

Pulling another chair closer, Ashley sat down with a heavy sigh, trying to meet the other girl's eyes, "Yeah, but Spence, I just wanted to protect you. I'm so...terrified of losing you, I just can't stand the thought of something happening to you, especially 'cause of me. I'm sorry I made you worry."

Spencer finally looked at her, their eyes meeting again, and she nodded softly. The blonde slid off her stool and wrapped her arms around Ashley's neck, surprising the brunette. It took her a few moments, but Ashley eventually enveloped Spencer in her arms, drawing the other girl closer to her body. She'd always marvelled at how well they fit together, like two parts of a whole, and Ashley inhaled deeply, loving the scent of Spencer's shampoo. This was the only place she had ever felt fully at home, here, in Spencer's arms.

"I love you so much, Ashley," Spencer said against her neck and the brunette could tell she was now crying.

Rubbing her hands up and down the blonde's back, Ashley squeezed her even tighter, "God, Spencer, I love you, too, more than you'll ever know."

They stayed wrapped up in each other, hearts beating as one, feeling the rise and fall of each other's chests, Spencer sniffling occasionally. If Ashley had had her way, they would have stayed like that forever, or at the most, move the few feet to the sofa and hold each other all night, but that was not to be. The doorbell rang just a few minutes later and Ashley, wondering who would be at their door so late, drew back slightly.

Spencer held onto her, however, face still pressed against the brunette's neck as she spoke, "I called Leon."

Ashley sighed, knowing they had a long and most likely unpleasant conversation ahead with her security manager, but she knew it was necessary. She pressed a soft kiss to Spencer's temple, smoothing down the blonde hair and reluctantly pulled away. Spencer softly smiled at her through her tears and Ashley brushed them away with her thumbs, kissing the blonde's lips gently before going to meet her old friend at the door.

* * *

2009

Ashley leaned into the cool air, closing her eyes as she nearly stuck her head in the fridge. One hand was grasping the open refrigerator door, the other clamped around the side of the appliance, while brown eyes scanned the contents. It was incredibly hot inside the house and although heat wasn't unusual for LA in August, she wasn't sure when the Carlins had become so warm-blooded AC was no longer in their vocabulary. She was wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a wifebeater, hair pulled up into a messy bun, but the brunette was nevertheless incredibly hot.

Grabbing a carton of milk, she shook it before pulling it out and closing the fridge. Leaning back against the counter across from her, she opened the carton and raised it to her lips, tipping it back. Naturally, the figure that appeared in the kitchen entrance at that very moment was none other than Paula Carlin, probably just getting off a very long shift, just to find Ashley standing scantily dressed in her kitchen, drinking their milk. Ashley adopted a deer-in-the-headlights stare, and was so wholly unprepared for the situation that she just stared wide-eyed, not even moving the carton from her lips.

It wasn't until several drops of milk dribbled down her chin and into her cleavage, that she lowered the, now empty, carton and grinned hesitantly at the blonde woman, "Hey, Mrs. C. Uh, Spencer's still at school."

Paula looked at the girl, lips drawn into a tight line, and dropped her keys onto the counter. Although Ashley had basically lived here for the past year, it was still unusual to come home in the middle of the day and find the brunette there. She set her bag on one of the barstools and stepped closer, keeping the breakfast counter between herself and the other girl.

"Ashley, I think it's time you moved out," Paula said, sounding just as if she'd announced they were having spaghetti for dinner.

The brunette wiped the milk off her chin and spun around, the look on her face now even more wide-eyed than before, "Whoa, Mrs. C, it was almost empty, anyway. I wasn't gonna put it back after, I swear!"

Paula sighed and made a face, "It's not about the milk, Ashley. How old are you?"

Ashley stared at her, dumbfounded for a second, "20, but..."

Raising a hand to stop the girl in mid-sentence, Paula continued, "Don't you think it's time you moved out of your girlfriend's parents' house?"

Opening her mouth to respond, the brunette closed it again, not sure what she should say. It wasn't as if she couldn't afford a place to live, quite the contrary really, but over the past year she'd grown so used to being with Spencer, she couldn't imagine being anywhere else. Not to mention, how was she supposed to take care of Spencer living who knows where in town, too far away to be there when the nightmares came or a seizure hit. Ashley frowned at the thought.

"Look, Paula, I know that..." Ashley started, but was once again cut off by the woman, who was now digging through her bag for something.

Paula finally pulled out a colorful brochure, as well as some papers, and set them on the counter in front of the brunette, "No 'buts', Ashley. I took the liberty of looking around and I found this place. It's [b]very[/b] nice; it's even gated, which isn't too common for apartment complexes. It has an indoor [b]and[/b] outdoor pool, plus a fitness center, computer lab..."

The brunette grasped the edges of the counter tightly, willing herself to not go off and do something stupid. She'd thought Paula had finally, at the very least accepted her, if not actually felt she was good for Spencer. Apparently she'd been wrong.

"... a clubhouse, it's only a five minute walk from Occidental's campus, and although I haven't seen the apartments themselves, they look [b]very[/b] nice on the pictures," Paula finished, pushing the brochure closer to the brunette.

Ashley looked at her and blinked, not sure she'd even heard right, "Uh, what?"

Paula, showing no signs of having heard her, just continued, " I know it's a little pricey, but with your bank account that really shouldn't be a problem. Now, I also picked up an application, you've got to be quick with these things. I already filled out some parts of it, you just do the rest."

Pushing the rental application over to the brunette, Paula almost smiled at her, and Ashley raised an eyebrow. She glanced down at the brochure, and realized the place looked, admittedly, pretty damn nice. Paula nodded at her and looked at her watch, before turning to walk out of the dining room, "Spencer gets out of class at two, so I set up your appointment with the rental agency at 2:30. Don't be late."

Ashley once again managed an excellent imitation of a wide-eyed deer as she watched the blonde woman exit the room. Had her girlfriend's mother actually just ordered her to take her daughter and move out of the house? That couldn't have been it, Ashley reasoned, maybe she was just confused, because there was no way Paula Carlin would ever advocate her little girl moving into a den of sin with Ashley. Even if it was a gated one. With two pools. And a clubhouse.

Sighing, she looked down at the application and flipped the cover page to the one for the renter information. And there, in Paula's scraggly doctor's handwriting, were several lines already filled in. Co-Renter: Spencer Carlin.

If Ashley hadn't thought it would make her look like a fool in front of Paula, she would certainly have fainted.


	6. Hannibal Ad Portas

Thanks for the reviews everyone, you rock! Hopefully I can keep this once a week updating going...

**Chapter 6 – Hannibal Ad Portas**

2014

"No, I'm not doing it," Ashley ground out, balling her fist on top of the table as she glared at her manager.

Josh slammed the folder in his hands onto the table, not making much of an impact really, and groaned in exasperation. He'd just had it with spoiled rockstars. "Ashley, this has been planned for two months. We can't just cancel now."

Leaning back in her chair, the brunette flicked at a piece of lint in front of her and shrugged, "I don't care. Tell them I couldn't make it."

"And what excuse, pray tell, do I give MTV when they ask why the star of Pandora's Box couldn't make the pre-scheduled TV appearance?" Josh asked, his tone condescending and annoyed.

Before Ashley could respond, a tall, dirty-haired guy in a Pandora's Box t-shirt sitting across from her spoke up, "What do you [b]think[/b], Josh? Family problems. Isn't that right, Ash?"

Ashley sneered at her bass player, narrowing her eyes at him, "Good job, Gus, I didn't know the word 'family' was even in your vocabulary, with the way you whore and booze around."

A skinny kid with black, tousled hair fell in, his voice a lot more nervous, "He...Gus has a point, Ash. This is an important appearance for all of us, don't screw it up for the rest of us."

Sighing, the brunette girl shook her head, "I didn't say you guys couldn't go, Drew. I just said I'm not going to Hollywood for four days right now."

Josh watched the interaction between the band members with a frown, clicking his pen rapidly. They hadn't even been famous for that long and were already bickering like old rockstars, over stupid crap. And, as always, it seemed Ashley was the source of all their ire.

"Ashley," Josh began, interrupting the silence, leaning forward and clasping his hands together, "this is MTV. Kurt Loder already seems to hold a grudge against you, don't make it worse. You can't afford bad publicity, none of you can. It's only four days, I'm sure Spencer can manage without you for that long."

"I don't give a [b]fuck[/b] what Kurt Loder thinks of me; which one of us makes more money, huh? And this isn't exactly the best of times to leave my wife home by herself for several days," the brunette shot back, feeling angry and defensive in the presence of people that were supposed to be friends, sort of.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, just take her with you!" Renee, the lead guitarist, yelled, throwing daggers at Ashley with her eyes.

Clenching and unclenching her fists, Ashley wondered why they were all so against her. She knew, without a doubt, none of them, not even those that were married or dating someone, could possibly love their significant other if they didn't understand her. She sighed, "She's got a pretty bad cold, her doctor told her not to fly. And I'm not gonna leave her alone."

Gus smacked his open palm flat on the table, making Drew jump nervously, drawing a glare from Ashley, "Holy hell, Ashley, if you wanted to become someone's goddamn nursemaid, why the fuck even join a band?"

Turning her head towards the rough looking guy, Ashley leveled her stare, barely controlling her anger, "You know what, Gus, when you hold the bleeding, dying body of the love of your life in your arms and some merciful fucking power decides to give you another chance with her, then let's talk again, okay? Until then, stay the fuck out of my personal life. All of you. I'm not doing this appearance. Don't do it or do it without me, I don't care either way."

She stood abruptly, grabbing her phone, keys and jacket from the table before walking towards the door. She knew Josh wanted to stop her, to tell her she needed to take better care of her career, but even he didn't want to deal with fuming Ashley. Exiting the conference room, she exhaled deeply and shook her head. They just really didn't understand. It wasn't as if she was doing this on purpose, she just had no intentions of leaving Spencer alone, especially when sick.

A quick glance at her watch told her it was already past dinner time and she rolled her stiff shoulders. They'd been recording their new album for the past week, something she had been very dedicated to and they had spent countless hours in the studio. Hours she could've spent with Spencer and didn't, but they didn't see it that way. Not to mention the death threats against Ashley and now Spencer still hung heavily over her head; none of the others had ever received anything comparable. Although it had been a week since that last letter threatening Spencer, that didn't mean the threat was over. Those idiots just didn't understand what it felt like. They didn't have anything to lose, not really, not like she did.

Ashley shrugged on her thick jacket and stepped out into the cold Seattle air. It was getting a little warmer, now at the end of February, but the air was biting nonetheless, and Ashley stuffed her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket. She exhaled deeply, watching her breath rise into the air and walked towards the non-descript sedan parked off to the side. Leon stood next to it, wearing a long trench coat and black leather gloves that made Ashley smirk. He [b]looked[/b] like a bodyguard. She wondered if he'd been crazy enough to stand out here the entire time he'd been waiting, ever since she'd called to be picked up after their recording session.

"You all done, AD?" he asked, his voice rough and deep as he opened the door for her. Ashley slid into the backseat, glad it was a lot warmer inside the car and nodded at the driver who was part of Leon's company. The big black man squeezed into the seat next to her and closed the door, before looking at her. "Any detours tonight?"

Ashley shrugged, settling deeper into the seat as the driver started the car, and fished her cellphone out of her pocket. Quickly hitting '1' on the speedial, she listened to the familiar ringing until a sleepy voice answered her. The transformation was immediate, as she smiled and felt herself relax. The others just didn't understand.

"Hey baby, how're you feeling?" she asked quietly, elbowing Leon who had actually had the gall to smirk at the silly grin on her face.

"I'm fine," Spencer's voice reached her and the brunette shook her head, knowing the blonde was lying.

"You want me to get you something on the way home? Did you eat dinner?" Ashley's gaze drifted out the window, watching as the colorful city lights flashed by.

There was silence on the other end for a few seconds, before the blonde responded, "Esmeralda made me something."

"Did you eat it?"

"Uh huh."

Ashley smirked, knowing their housekeeper had a strong hand, but Spencer was tricky. "Okay, well I'm gonna pick you up some soup on the way. Go back to sleep, Spence, I'll be home soon. I love you."

She barely heard the sleepy 'I love you, too', before hanging up and stowing the phone back in her pocket. Glancing over at Leon, she frowned at the smirk still on his face.

He shook his head at the brunette, ignoring her exasperated look, "If your fans knew you were such a softie..."

Ashley scoffed, "Please, they'd just be all over me even more."

"Not with that ego, my friend," Leon countered, pulling the gloves off his hands.

"Spencer says that's what makes me 'me'," the brunette grinned at him.

Leon chuckled, rubbing his cold hands together, "Spencer's a saint."

Smiling softly at his comment, Ashley averted her gaze back towards the quickly passing scenery to her left, her voice nearly a whisper, "That she is."

* * *

2010

The silence in the room was suffocating, the tension so unusual and the brunette girl shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Her left arm was on top of the back of the sofa, fingers nervously tapping out a rhythm, and she sat, her right leg dangling over the side, watching the downcast blonde head in front of her. She blew out a frustrated breath, rubbing a hand across her forehead.

"Spencer," she said gently, watching the girl in front of her for any sign of movement.

"I know," came the soft reply and Ashley thought she heard the presence of tears. She reached out, brushing strands of blonde hair behind the younger girl's ear, wishing Spencer would just look at her.

"Don't cry, please," Ashley said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"I'm happy for you, I am," Spencer said a little more forcefully, but the brunette wasn't sure who she was trying to convince.

The older girl sighed, drawing her hand back slowly, "Then why can't you look at me, Spencer?"

Spencer finally raised her head, eyes meeting Ashley's and the brunette could see the tear tracks clearly. She'd anticipated her girlfriend being upset at the news, but she'd hoped Spencer would understand. This was exactly what Ashley had been working so hard for, the only thing she ever wanted for herself anymore. Josh had just informed Pandora's Box this morning that they had been selected to open for a well-known band on their national tour. That meant incredible exposure, giant venues they never would get into otherwise, all for a good six to eight months. Six to eight months of being away from Spencer, away from their home, unable to be there if something were to happen or she was needed. It wasn't that Ashley was any happier about the long separation than Spencer, but this was her dream.

"I just...," Spencer started, letting out a frustrated sigh, "I know how much you want this. I just want you to be happy, Ash, and if this is what makes you happy, then this is what we'll do."

Ashley swallowed, cupping the blonde's cheek in her hand, "Spencer, [b]you[/b] are what makes me happy; this is just something I have to do for myself, to prove that I can do this. Don't think I won't miss you every second of every day."

Leaning forward she pressed her lips softly to her girlfriend's, tasting the salty tears on Spencer's lips and pulled back slightly. Blue eyes locked with hers and suddenly Spencer was in her arms, holding on for dear life. They tumbled backwards, Ashley's head now on the sofa's armrest, lying flat on her back, Spencer mostly on top of her, arms wrapped around the brunette's middle, head resting on her shoulder.

"You'll call me every day, right?" Spencer asked, her voice barely above a whisper, fingers now tracing patterns on the brunette's bare arm.

Deeply inhaling the scent of Spencer's shampoo, left hand on the blonde's head to keep her close, Ashley responded, "Of course, at least once every day. And we won't playing every day, maybe you can fly out a weekend here or there? You'll see, I'll be back before you know it, babe."

Shifting slightly, Spencer turned her head so their noses were nearly touching, looking into the brown eyes, "You're still gonna make Glen's wedding, right?"

Ashley groaned, having tried to block that whole affair from her mind since she'd found out about it a few weeks ago. She'd laughed at first after being told the story, but Spencer had, naturally, admonished her and prohibited her from making fun of Glen. At least to his face.

"Aww, Spence, what if I'm doing something important? Glen doesn't even like me, and Madison and I definitely can't stand each other. I wouldn't wanna ruin their special day."

Spencer nudged her and scoffed, "Don't even start. And yes, you're my girlfriend, you have to be there; I'm not going without a date to my brother's shotgun wedding."

They were quiet for a while, just revelling in the feeling of being so close to each other. Spencer's fingers kept trailing along Ashley's skin, while the brunette continued to run her fingers through the blonde hair splayed across her shoulder. Ashley almost thought the other girl had fallen asleep after her movements stilled and she was quiet for several minutes, but then Spencer spoke.

"Does this mean I have to go back to my parents'?"

Ashley stilled her movements as well, looking down at her girlfriend. They'd only been living in their apartment for around eight months, but it had been perfect so far. She'd never openly admit it, but Ashley was grateful to Paula for not only finding this place, but basically kicking them out of the house. It was only a two bedroom, but it was very clean and nice and they had definitely made it into a home. And its close proximity to Occidental College's campus allowed Spencer to walk to class, without always needing to rely on someone else for a ride.

"Not if you don't want to. You don't wanna be alone here?" Ashley asked hesitantly, knowing she had to trust Spencer to be okay by herself. She'd love to pack up the blonde and deposit her at the Carlin's for the six months she'd be gone, but she knew Spencer would never forgive her. She was an adult and was capable of taking care of herself, and if anything were wrong, the Carlins lived only a few miles from them and would be here in a flash.

"I guess it's a little lonely here, all by myself," Spencer conceded, hoping Ashley wouldn't make her stay with her parents. She loved living with Ashley, away from her parents, just the two of them. She still wasn't sure how Ashley had convinced her mother to let her move out last year; the brunette had never even mentioned that she was thinking of it. One day after school, Ashley had taken her to the rental agency and they had signed a lease that day, Ashley reassuring Spencer the entire time Paula wasn't going to kill them both when they got home.

Ashley pulled herself up a little against the armrest, wrapping her left arm around Spencer's shoulder, "I've got an idea. Come on, get dressed, we're going out."

Spencer looked at the brunette funnily, wondering about the child-like look on her girlfriend's face, and sat up, "Where are we going?"

Grinning, Ashley pulled the blonde up and went to find her keys, "It's a surprise, now let's go!"

Watching Spencer walk towards the bedroom to change, Ashley grabbed her keys and went over to the computer. She quickly googled directions to the local Humane Society, knowing they'd have exactly what she was looking for. Ashley smiled, knowing she'd feel better if Spencer wasn't totally by herself in the apartment, maybe had a sort of protector even in her absence, and logged off just as the blonde returned. Taking her girlfriend's hand, Ashley pulled Spencer out of the apartment, hoping she could cheer the blonde up just a little today.

* * *

2014

She valiantly fought her way through the haze that surrounded her, past the cobwebs and the incessant pounding, needing several attempts to blink her eyes open. Groaning at the late afternoon sun streaming in through the wide bedroom windows, she wiped at her face, grimacing as she removed a line of drool from her cheek. Turning to her side, her whole body felt stiff, her head cloudy. She still felt like crap.

Looking at the other side of the bed she realized she was by herself and frowned. Slightly pushing herself up against the headboard, she glanced around the room, trying to shake the blurry feeling in her head. Looking at the clock on the bedside table she realized she'd been asleep for nearly four hours and suddenly felt hungry. She certainly hadn't meant to sleep this long, they had planned to take a short nap, but apparently she had been had.

She was just considering getting up and making her way downstairs, when the bedroom door opened. She looked at the other girl, trying to force an annoyed look on her face, but was mostly unsuccessful. A body dropped into the blankets next to her, scooting closer and looking up at her from the pillow through glassy eyes. She frowned again and reached out a hand to brush the silky strands of hair out of the other girl's eyes.

"You went to class, didn't you?" she said, her voice a little rough.

The blonde looked at her, almost sheepishly, and scooted another few inches towards Ashley, "Yes, but, Ash, I had to turn in my paper. I couldn't miss another day of class."

Ashley sighed and sank a little lower into the pillow, turning onto her side to face Spencer, hand never leaving the other girl's head, "Spencer, you need to take care of yourself."

The blonde huffed slightly and ducked her head, scooting the last few inches into Ashley's body, wrapping her left arm around the brunette's waist and tucking her head under the other girl's chin. When she spoke, Ashley felt Spencer's lips moving against her neck and smiled, wrapping her own arm around the blonde.

"I'm fine, Ash, I even used the driver. Nothing happened. And anyway, you're the one that's been sick for the past two days, lying in this bed. By the way, Josh called, he's not happy that he had to cancel the radio interview today," Spencer mumbled into the brunette's neck, suddenly feeling extremely exhausted. She'd snuck out earlier to go to class, despite Ashley's protests that she was still sick, and though she didn't regret it, Spencer realized maybe she actually wasn't 100%, yet.

Ashley groaned, pulling at the blanket to cover both her and Spencer, "He can go screw himself. I'm sick."

Relaxing more into Ashley's arms, Spencer closed her eyes, loving the safe feeling the brunette's embrace had always provided her. They lay in silence for a while, eyes closed, feeling the steady rise and fall of each other's chest, Ashley's heartbeat thundering in Spencer's ears, when another weight jumped onto the brunette's hip. She jerked, more at the claws digging into her hip than at the movement, and opened an eye to look at the cat kneading out a sleeping spot between the two of them. She sighed, feeling Spencer move her arm to pet Joanie and closed her eyes again. This was near perfection, her and Spencer, well and maybe the damn cat, but just them so close, so together.

They were silent, still, the only movement Spencer's hand on the purring cat, when Ashley suddenly felt wetness on her neck. She leaned back slightly, but Spencer's face was turned into the crook of her neck and she wouldn't look at her. "Spencer," Ashley said softly, rubbing her hand along the girl's back, "what's wrong, babe?"

Spencer drew in a shuddering breath and moved her head away from Ashley's neck, removing her hand from the cat to wipe away the tears on the brunette's skin. Ashley looked down, into those incredibly blue eyes that were shining with unshed tears and felt a pull somewhere deep in her chest. She absolutely hated it when Spencer cried.

"Someone killed the Weinstein's cat, Rover," Spencer said, so softly Ashley barely heard her.

"What?" Ashley wasn't even sure she'd heard right, as much as her and Joanie's relationship was antagonistic, she couldn't imagine anyone killing someone's pet.

Spencer scooted back just slightly to look at the brunette, much to the chagrin of Joanie who was jostled in the process and dug her claws into Ashley to hold on. The brunette didn't even bother pointing out that it was only her that had gotten clawed, naturally. When she met Spencer's eyes again, she frowned at the tears now leaking out and reached over to brush them away.

The blonde sniffed, leaning into Ashley's touch, "It's my fault, Ash."

Her voice cracked this time, but Ashley had no trouble understanding her, stopping her motions to stare incredulously at the girl, "What're you talking about Spencer?"

"Rover was poisoned...by something he ate in our yard. Someone tried to kill Joanie and they killed him instead. Mrs Weinstein just told me when I got back...," Spencer trailed off, her voice shaky, looking at Ashley.

Letting the words sink in Ashley pushed herself up, ignoring Joanie's angry swat at her movement, and stared down at the teary-eyed blonde, "Someone...tried to poison our cat?"

She had to swallow hard at the bile rising in her throat and brushed a hand across her forehead. Spencer nodded weakly at her, rolling onto her back so Joanie could climb onto her chest, feeling an incredible sadness and guilt at what had happened.

"How...how do you even know?" Ashley tried to make sense of it at all, of the fact that if Spencer was right, he had found them, he knew where they lived. It also meant he was no longer content to just threaten, he'd tried to hurt them, even if it was through their pet. And looking at a crying Spencer, Ashley knew he had succeeded at least somewhat. She knew for a fact, Joanie was going to be an indoor cat for the rest of her nine lives.

Spencer looked away, down at the purring white and gray bundle on her chest, "Leon was with me, he looked around the yard and found something. He's got his guys over now."

Ashley sighed, wondering what awful thing they had done in a past life, to deserve the amount of sadness and pain they'd suffered for the past seven years. She moved the covers, straddling Spencer's hips and leaned over, ignoring the cat's protests. Ashley gently kissed both of Spencer's eyelids, her forehead and finally her lips, just wishing the blonde would stop crying.

"It's not your fault, Spence, okay?" She kissed her again and leaned back, brushing the tears away with her thumbs, before pressing another kiss to the girl's lips.

Ashley sighed heavily and stood up off the bed, grabbing some pajama pants off the floor to put on before she met with her security team. Spencer watched her with a frown, "Where are you going?"

"To go talk to Leon. I won't be long, I promise," Ashley responded, walking towards the door.

"But you're sick," Spencer said, trying to get the brunette to stay.

Ashley rolled her neck and stretched, before opening the door, "I suddenly don't feel very sick at all. You should take a nap, since you skipped out early before and as soon as I'm done we'll have dinner and we can watch a movie, okay?"

Spencer nodded, smiling weakly and watched Ashley walk out of the room. The door remained open wide and the blonde found herself amazed as always how well Ashley really knew her. She hadn't really liked being alone in seven years, but if she was alone in a closed room, she nearly always panicked. Sighing heavily, she hoped Ashley really would only take a few minutes to talk to the security guys; she just didn't want to be alone. Looking down at the cat now head butting her for having stopped the continuous scratching of the furry ears, she smiled. Joanie might've not been an adequate replacement for Ashley, but she was a great companion and certainly loved her just as much as the brunette. As long as she was being petted, of course.

* * *


	7. Status Quo

Hey all, I'm glad you're enjoying this, thanks for all your reviews. We still got a little ways to go, here's the next part...

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Status Quo**

2011

"Spencer, come on," the brunette yelled in exasperation, one palm resting against the wood of the door, the other by her side. When she received no response, again, she groaned and dropped her forehead against the door in frustration, "Spencer, just open up the damn door. Can we at least talk about this or are you going to sulk in there all night?"

A loud thud resounded, reverberating through the door that had apparently lent itself as an excellent target, making Ashley jump. She huffed and turned around, realizing the last part might have not been the best comment to make either, and slowly trudged down the stairs. Making her way into the kitchen she noticed Paula sitting at the dining table, writing something and the woman looked up as Ashley came in, a curious look on her face. Sighing heavily, the brunette shook her head and sat in a chair across from Paula.

"No luck, I take it?" Paula asked, pushing the bills in front of her to the side to look at the moping brunette.

Ashley shrugged and leaned back, "She won't even talk to me, she's so damn stubborn, it drives me nuts!" Sighing heavily she shook her head, "Well, I guess I'll go home then. I left her meds on the counter, she didn't take them last night or this morning, I suppose. I don't care how pissed she is, she knows better than that."

Paula watched the brunette, the nervous energy radiating from her, the obvious concern written on her features. She'd heard most of the story from Spencer, which, granted, might not have been the best source under the circumstances, but when your daughter calls you, crying, at 11 pm asking to be picked up you listen, regardless. She'd collected Spencer a few hundred yards away from the apartment, probably just far enough for Ashley to not have chased after her, and taken her back to the house where the girl had stayed the night. She'd naturally been curious; Ashley and Spencer had always had one of those relationships where they loved passionately and fought hard, but they generally managed to make up after a few minutes of realizing they didn't like being mad at each other.

"She's upset, Ashley, not that I'm happy with her neglecting her health. But you have to understand where she's coming from," Paula responded, ordering the brunette to stay seated with her eyes.

Rubbing a hand across her eyes, Ashley sighed again, "I do understand her, I know why she's upset. But it's not like I planned this, either. I didn't want this to happen."

Paula looked at her incredulously, "Ashley, please, you knew this was going to happen when you started a band. When you went on tour. The first, second and third times. When they released your single and suddenly everyone knew who you were. Don't tell me you didn't see this coming."

"Yeah, but I didn't think they'd make me move," Ashley pouted, tapping her fingers on the tabletop.

"I don't think it's just about you having to move to Seattle," Paula started, wondering if she ought to go any further. She didn't want to betray her daughter's confidences, who'd spilled her fears to her mother last night. And, Paula realized, it had been one of the first times Spencer turned to her mother for comfort in years.

The brunette stopped her movement, looking at Paula weirdly. When Ashley had informed Spencer last night that the new label that was signing Pandora's Box was making the band move to Seattle, the blonde had certainly seemed preoccupied with that particular part during their argument. And though they'd fought over the years as couples do, generally more when the time came for Ashley to go on another tour or some kind of month-long promotion, Spencer had never stayed the night anywhere else out of anger. It worried Ashley immensely. It worried her that maybe this was where they came apart.

Seeing the pathetically desperate look on the girl's face, Paula sighed and leaned forward, "Ashley, for the past four and a half years, you've been Spencer's...everything. Sure, she loves us, her family, but we're not the ones she cries for when she has a nightmare, or the ones she turns to when she's sick, not the first ones she runs to when something is wrong, not the first ones to share her joy; we're the ones she loves with all her heart, but not the ones who have it. All this, the tours, the sudden fame and now you moving away...she thinks you're slipping away from her. That if you have all this, you don't need her anymore."

The heaviness in Ashley's chest only increased with Paula's words, the absolute truth of the statement hitting her hard. But if she was Spencer's everything, then Spencer was her...her what? Her life, her soul, her sanity, her heart, her sole reason for giving a crap about anything. How could Spencer ever think she'd let go of that, of that part of herself?

"But...I'd never...none of this means anything without Spencer. I'd never go anywhere without her...Seattle...I never thought she wouldn't want to come along. I thought she knew I could never be without her," Ashley rasped, swallowing hard at the lump in her throat.

Paula offered a wry smile, "It's not that easy, Ashley. She needs something else; Spencer needs a grand gesture."

Ashley wore a look of confusion that made Paula's smile a little brighter and she watched the brunette's forehead crease in thought. Pulling her bills back over in front of her, the blonde woman sighed and pointed towards the kitchen, "Now, go set the table, dinner will be ready in a few minutes."

* * *

The silence was nearly suffocating and Ashley wished, more than once, that she had managed to escape this ordeal. Carlin Family dinner was a regular affair, at least as regular as everyone's different work and school schedules allowed, nevertheless it happened at least a few times a month. The attendants hadn't varied much over the years, though there had been some additions. Most notably, Madison, as Glen's wife, and their 13-month-old son, Glen, Jr. Ashley still had to suppress the snort at the notion that Glen's head had been big enough to name the poor child, already punished by being his son, after himself. She'd been surprised that Madison hadn't put a stop to the ridiculousness, but had always assumed the heavy drugs associated with giving birth were responsible. The brunette wasn't sure what she'd done to deserve having to share a dinner table several times a month with her arch-nemesis, though the two ex-friends had gotten along decidedly better since graduation over three years ago.

It was as if the entire family felt the tension radiating off of her and Spencer, who, probably for the first time ever, didn't sit next to each other at family dinner. And although the blonde sat diagonally across from her, she hadn't met Ashley's eyes once since coming down from her room. Chelsea, who sat across from Ashley, as well as Arthur at one of the ends, had attempted to start a conversation, but really to no avail. Ashley had spent most of the meal deep in thought, wondering how she could make Spencer realize she was stuck with Ashley forever, and trying to figure out how she had gotten stuck between Glen and Madison.

Glen, Jr, who everyone called JR, was making loud baby noises and Anthony responded in equally loud gibberish as his mother cut some food on his plate for him. Ashley once again glanced at Spencer, whose head was downcast, eyes never leaving her plate. She noticed the blonde wasn't actually eating, just dividing all her food into smaller piles and Ashley frowned. She'd noticed the dark circles and bloodshot eyes earlier, even if the blonde had been trying to avoid her when she came downstairs. Spencer hadn't actually acknowledged Ashley's presence, but when the brunette had set her pills and a glass of water next to the blonde on the table, she'd taken them without a word.

Drawing circles in her mashed potatoes, Ashley suppressed a sigh. Maybe Paula was right, maybe Spencer just needed some type of grand gesture to show this wasn't a one-sided thing, that this was real. It was so real to Ashley, the brunette felt an ache deep inside of her chest, just the thought of being without Spencer making her heart constrict with fear and her lungs fail to expand. It wasn't even a thought she was fully capable of exploring, it was so ridiculous and unimaginable and Ashley knew Spencer felt the same way. So maybe this whole Seattle thing had come out of left field, but how could Spencer think Ashley would leave her behind?

A grand gesture. Ashley frowned slightly, her mind racing. When the thought finally hit her, it was so clear, but almost so unimaginable. It took over her mind, heart thundering, her palms sweating slightly as she stared past Chelsea's head, clearly lost. Everything made so much sense at that very moment, it seemed so right, that Ashley never stopped to think of what she was doing. She knew it was now or never, it was now or some time in the potential future when she could overcome the impressive nausea and dizziness such a thought would surely cause in her.

She blinked to focus her vision, barely noticing the weird look Chelsea was giving her, and turned towards Spencer. The blonde head was still bowed, but Ashley wouldn't be deterred now.

"Spencer," she said, voice so steady she surprised even herself, paying no attention to the other six pairs of eyes turning to her. She waited for the blue eyes to meet hers, reluctantly and slowly, but they did, and she locked her gaze onto Spencer's, voice not even shaking slightly as she spoke, "Marry me."

She thought it had been silent before, but the sudden vacuum that fell over the room beat it by a mile. Even the two children had stopped making noise, as if they could feel the seriousness of the mood in the room even at their young age. Brown eyes still locked on blue, trying to block the shocked and certainly questioning glares from around the room, Ashley waited for a reaction from Spencer.

The blonde didn't respond for several moments, trying to muddle through the haze, but after a few minutes she stood up abruptly. Ashley watched her, panic rising in her throat, but never averted her gaze.

"Ashley, come with me," Spencer said, her voice not betraying any emotions she might be feeling.

The brunette stood, slowly, feeling everyone's eyes on her. She felt as if she was going to her own execution, and swallowed. As soon as she stepped past Paula at the head of the table, Spencer grabbed her arm and practically dragged her out of the room and into the backyard. The door fell shut behind them and Spencer stood, arms crossed, her body visibly deflating and she looked downright dejected.

"What the hell was that?" the blonde asked, some fervor still in her voice, but she was looking at the ground.

Ashley blew out a breath and looked at her girlfriend, "Spence...I know that wasn't the most...traditional...proposal or anything, but right at that moment...I just knew. This is so right, Spencer, you and me...why would we ever want that to change? I just couldn't imagine my life without you, not here, not in Seattle, not ever. I know you feel the same way, Spencer."

Spencer's lips drew into a slight smile and she shook her head, "Of course, Ash, you're my everything...but...marriage?"

Shrugging, Ashley scoffed, "I was going for a grand gesture, Spence...I know I don't want anyone else, not ever, not in this lifetime. I...I just wanted [b]you[/b] to know that, too...we don't have to get married...if you don't want to."

Her voice trailed off at the end and the blonde finally looked up, meeting Ashley's eyes and dropping her arms by her side, "Ash."

The brunette looked at her girlfriend, biting her lower lip nervously. Spencer reached out her hand, taking Ashley's in hers, "You're absolutely nuts...but I love you. I love you more than anything, more than I have words and I...I know with everything that I am that I could never love anyone like I love you...isn't this a little sudden?"

Ashley suppressed rolling her eyes at the last part, suddenly finding Spencer's habit of switching topics not so endearing, and took the girl's other hand in hers as well, "Who are you telling? I just thought of this in the past five minutes, I don't even have a ring. But Spence, that doesn't mean it's any less true, any less real. You're my life and I want everyone to know that, I want to share [b]everything[/b] with you."

This time it was Spencer's turn to bite her lip and she looked away again. "I know, I...," she trailed off and looked up, frowning, "you know I didn't say 'no'."

Ashley looked at her, forehead wrinkled in confusion, "Spencer...I don't know [b]what[/b] you're saying."

Spencer blew out a frustrated breath, looking down at their feet, their entwined hands, "I just...don't want you to feel obligated...I know you could have any girl you wanted...one that's not so...messed up."

Sighing heavily, Ashley drew the girl against her, wrapping her arms around Spencer, the blonde head resting against her shoulder, "Any girl I wanted?"

Spencer's arms encircled her waist and she sighed, as well, "Yeah."

Pulling her in even tighter, Ashley closed her eyes, knowing she'd never get sick of the feel of Spencer's body against hers, "Even if I asked her to marry me at family dinner?"

Feeling a slight nudge against her side, Ashley smiled. Spencer was smiling slightly as well, the brunette could tell, as the blonde mumbled against her shoulder, "You're still a nutjob...so I don't know about that."

Smiling again, Ashley drew in a deep breath, a serious expression now grazing her face, "Spencer...ever since...Prom...I've thanked God for every minute I have with you, however good or bad it might be, because...because that night I thought I'd lost you and I knew if you died...I'd die, too. Love isn't about finding perfection in each other...it's about being perfection, together, as a whole, as one. We've been in this together from the start and we'll be in this together 'till the end...no matter what happens or doesn't happen to us in between. Nothing can ever change that...just you and me, baby...'till the end of time, right?"

"Yeah," Spencer whispered against the brunette's neck, tightening her hold as she inhaled Ashley's scent deeply. She was silent for a while, just content to stay in Ashley's arms, maybe forever, but eventually spoke softly against the brunette's shoulder, "Does this mean I have to move to Seattle?"

Spencer could feel the rumble of Ashley's laugh reverberate against her and looked up as the brunette drew back slightly, a twinkle in her eyes, "Does this mean you're saying 'yes'?"

Shrugging, the blonde pulled her hands in between them and looked down, "I don't know, I don't even have a ring."

Ashley raised an eyebrow and grasped Spencer's right hand, gently pulling at the engraved silver band on her ring finger, "Well, maybe this one can serve as a stand-in until I can do this properly?"

She drew the promise ring from the blonde's finger, reaching for Spencer's left hand and slipped the silver band onto the younger girl's ring finger with a grin. Spencer watched their hands in fascination, letting Ashley put the ring on her other hand, before intertwining their hands once again. She smiled, looking into the brown eyes before her, "Well...then maybe this can serve as a stand-in answer until you can do this properly?"

Spencer pulled on Ashley's hands, drawing the brunette towards her and kissed her. Ashley was caught off guard at first, but quickly recovered and wrapped the blonde in her arms again, melting against Spencer's lips. The kiss was altogether way too short for the brunette, who frowned when Spencer pulled away after just a few seconds. But when she looked to her left at the glass door, she noticed several faces watching them from behind the curtains and suppressed a groan. When a smiling Spencer pulled on her hand to lead her back inside the house, Ashley hesitated. [b]Now[/b] she definitely felt like she was about to witness her own execution. Seeing the faces quickly move away from the window she grimaced. By firing squad, definitely.

* * *

2014

"Fuck!" The brunette fell back into the cushions with a frustrated sigh, throwing the sheet of paper carelessly onto the table in front of her. The large man sitting in a chair across from her, hands folded as he leaned forward on his elbows, kept a stoic look on his face, while the other, smaller man, kept throwing nervous glances at Ashley. She looked at him, furrowing her brow and looked back to Leon, "What the hell is wrong with him?"

Leon looked at the anxious kid and sat up, "He's never met a celebrity before, he's just nervous."

"Just great, some nutjob is after my wife and I and you hire some nervous kid with a gun."

Leon shook his head, unclasping his hands, "He might be nervous, but he'll keep you alive, Ash. I don't tell you how to do your songs, don't tell me how to do my job, either."

Blowing out another frustrated breath, Ashley looked at her friend, "I trust you, Leon, you know that. All of [b]this[/b] is just getting on my nerves." She gestured at the coffee table between them, papers scattered across it, most notably the one she'd so haphazardly tossed on top just moments ago. A copy of the latest threatening letter lay on top, certain parts highlighted to show whatever connections or clues that the team was trying to gather.

It was another letter with the same old threats, mentions of Ashley's career, of this omnipotent personality holding her life in its hands, but to the brunette most memorable was the comparison the letter made between her and someone else. "You are no legend like John Lennon, Ashley Davies, but one doesn't need to be a legend to die. Would your name live on in eternity like his, or would your career end before you even made an impact? Would anyone remember the words 'I just shot Ashley Davies'?"

She crossed her arms and leaned her head back, wishing all of this was just a bad dream. Wishing she could just wake up, next to Spencer, not having to worry about anything other than making her wife happy. This was just so incredibly frustrating and they really had few leads to go on, making this whole thing rather worrisome as well. Ashley hardly wanted Spencer to leave the house, though she knew she couldn't keep the blonde locked up like a prisoner. Though the amount of money she was spending on personal security would surely raise some IRS agents eyebrows next tax season, not that she cared about money anyway. Keep Spencer safe, it had basically been her mantra for the past seven years and it still served her well even in this situation.

"Look, Ash, I know you're frustrated that we don't have more, but believe me, we're doing everything possible. We've been working with Seattle PD on this as well, they want a speedy solution to this case, naturally. We've beefed up security around the house, diverted all the mail to a PO box, neither you nor Spencer leaves the house without at least two of my guys. This guy is gonna make a mistake sooner or later and then we'll get him, Ash," Leon said, his voice full of confidence as he looked at his long-time friend.

Ashley gave him a look that was slightly incredulous, "Yeah, well, sooner rather than later, Leon. But I do appreciate all the work you've been putting into this, it's not like we're ungrateful. Just frustrated, annoyed, worried, you know. Thanks for the update, Leon, but I gotta get home, Spencer's gonna kill me if I don't get home before 7."

Leon stood with the brunette, smirking slightly at her words. He'd always enjoyed teasing her about her relationship, he'd been thoroughly amazed when they first met at the difference between Ashley's celebrity persona and her private one. The tough, no-nonsense, wild girl her fans thought they knew was nothing like the Ashley who stayed up all night to read Harry Potter to her nightmare-plagued girlfriend or the Ashley who convinced her bodyguards to make an unscheduled stop on the way home to pick up soup for her sick wife. She noticed the look on his face, the twinkle in his eyes Leon got every time she showed the sweeter side of her, which was mostly in reference to Spencer, and rolled her eyes at him.

She turned to the nervous guy with a smile and held out her hand for him to shake, which he did looking even more nervous, "Well, it was nice to meet you, Kendrick, though I do hope you'll calm down some before our next meeting."

The guy mumbled something nearly incomprehensible, obviously feeling even more nervous at having to actually speak to a celebrity and Ashley turned away with another roll of her eyes. Grabbing her keys and jacket from the side table, she stepped out the door to be greeted by her current two bodyguards. They looked just as big and intimidating as Leon and Ashley at least felt marginally safer. Ever since the band had gained mainstream recognition, she'd had at least some security most places that she went, but this was definitely a step beyond that. She could deal with the bodyguards when she left the house, but it was a lot harder getting used to there being guys outside and inside of her house at all times.

One guy led the way down the corridor, while the other followed behind her and together they made their way out to the car, parked right next to the entrance. Ashley sighed as she slid into the backseat, one of the guys next to her. She missed driving. Fishing her cellphone out of her pocket she hit 1 on the speedial, smiling when she heard Spencer's voice on the other end.

"Hey baby, miss me?" she grinned, mostly teasing, though she had left the house at around 8 am this morning and hadn't been home since. She hated these long days. She hated being away from Spencer.

"No, not really," Spencer responded, voice casual and though she couldn't see Ashley's pout, she knew it was there.

"Yeah, well, you better tell your girlfriend to leave, 'cause I'm on my way home," the brunette said, trying to sound serious.

Spencer sighed and looked through the doorway into the people in her living room, "Uh, Ash, we're not...done with the project, yet. You sure you wanna come home to that?"

Ashley frowned, glancing at the dashboard clock. Spencer had specifically told her to be home by seven and that her little study group would be long gone by then. "Ugh, you study too much, Spence. Why wouldn't I wanna come home to a bunch of geeky college kids in my living room?"

"I don't know, maybe they're fans," Spencer shrugged, nodding as one girl tried to wave her back over. They'd been working on this class project for nearly three hours now and quite honestly Spencer wished she could just kick them all out. It definitely was a test for her attention span, plus she hadn't had much time to spend with Ashley recently because of the girl's recording schedule.

Ashley could hear the nearly imperceptible inflections in the blonde's voice, she just knew her too well, "Well, I'll allow them five minutes to freak out before I kick them out of my house. We'll be there in a few minutes, alright, Spence?"

Spencer smiled, loving that Ashley always knew exactly what she was feeling and needing her to do, "Yeah, I love you, Ash."

"Love you, too," Ashley said softly before hanging up and turned to the bodyguard next to her with a grin, "You wanna scare the crap out of some college kids?"

* * *


	8. Graviora Manent

Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing, you guys are the best!

**Chapter 8 – Graviora Manent**

2012

It was cold. It was so cold she thought she was going to freeze into a single block of Ashley-shaped ice that Spencer would have to store in the walk-in freezer this house was likely equipped with just to keep her. The brunette rubbed her hands together in a vain attempt to spread some warmth into them, but even the gloves she wore felt like solid ice. What was taking them so long?

She hopped from foot to foot, pulling the collar of her thick jacket even higher around her face. The snow had stopped falling about an hour ago, leaving the entire landscape blanketed in soft white. It was an idyllic picture, Ashley had to admit, but it was never this damn cold in the movies. And the snow might have been acceptable, if she could sit next to a fireplace with some sort of hot beverage and, most importantly, Spencer.

Looking around, she wondered again what was taking so long. She stood in the front yard of a giant house, at the end of a mostly secluded street with only a few other, also giant, houses on it. A wrap-around porch surrounded the two-story house, and Ashley looked at the large floor-to-ceiling windows of the second story. She'd probably enjoy the snow a lot more if she was inside, looking out of those windows. There were several large pine trees in the yard and next to the house, as well as some other trees Ashley didn't even pretend to recognize.

Spencer and their realtor had left her behind close to twenty minutes ago to look at the in-law suite and bay view the woman had mentioned lay behind the huge house. Ashley had been less than enthusiastic to traipse about the snow-covered ground and trees in this weather just to see the Seattle bay or check out the smallest part of this house that she'd never enter anyway, especially not if it held her in-laws. Ashley smirked at the thought, her in-laws, it definitely felt weird to think of the Carlins as that. She definitely could compete with the best evil mother-in-law stories out there, she knew, although Paula had certainly calmed down a whole lot over the past six years.

Rubbing her frozen arms, she considered following the tracks in the snow to find her wife and the cheery realtor. Thinking of Spencer as her wife still felt weird, new and exciting, yet somehow terrifying. They'd been married just about one month, a month that was filled with too much stress and traveling for them to really think about how their relationship had changed. After Ashley had proposed and Spencer had more or less accepted, they'd both known they didn't want to wait much longer. She hid from Paula for three days after the official announcement, but eventually decided to stop being a coward and help with the planning and arrangements.

They were married December 24, less than two months after Ashley's impromptu proposal, and to Ashley's chagrin, with over one hundred people in attendance, most of whom neither Spencer nor she even knew. She'd feared her budding career would take a nose dive after the press got wind of the wedding, but public opinion had been mostly positive. Ashley had been terrified at first, had nightmares about things going horribly wrong, worried that they were too young or too stupid to be doing this, but when she'd stood at that altar, one hundred pairs of eyes on her, and had watched Spencer walking down the aisle towards her, everything else had just melted away. They were Spencer and Ashley, what was there even to worry about?

Ashley grinned at the memory, the silver wedding band on her left hand suddenly feeling pleasantly warm against her finger. Although Paula hadn't exactly been thrilled that her 21-year-old daughter was marrying her high school sweetheart, who also happened to be a girl, she'd at least put on a brave front of support. Ashley had had a feeling that Paula's main concern wasn't the gay thing or that it was Ashley, but that she was losing her little girl, and the brunette had grudgingly offered for the Carlins to visit them whenever they wanted. Hardly married and already making sacrifices, she had been quite proud of herself. Another reason getting a house with an in-law suite was an excellent idea, though that didn't mean she needed to see it, let alone for nearly half an hour.

This was the sixth house they'd looked at now, in just two days, and Ashley wished Spencer wasn't so damn picky. She couldn't care less about bathtubs and moldings and feng shui, but for some reason the blonde had found fault with every place they had looked at. Ashley just wanted to make her happy, naturally, but she really wanted to get the moving part over with and get to the newlywed part. She grinned sheepishly, feeling a little warmer at least, and turned as she heard the sound of footsteps crunching in the snow.

Before she even had a chance to fully turn around, Spencer had her arms wrapped around the brunette, breathing heavily, her face red from the cold, a bright smile on her face. Ashley wrapped an arm around the blonde's waist, looking at her curiously. Spencer looked too damn cute in her beanie and fluffy jacket, and she seemed to be a lot less affected by the cold than Ashley. The realtor stood off to the side a few feet away, a giant smile on her face as well, probably dreaming off the huge commission she was bound to get selling a house to a rockstar.

"I love it, Ash!" Spencer exhaled, breath rising visibly in the cold air.

Ashley raised her eyebrows at the girl, "You haven't even seen the inside, Spence. Isn't this a little quick?"

Spencer threw her an apologetic smile, "Well uh, you see, I sorta did see the inside...on the way back. Just a quick tour."

Pulling away Ashley gaped at her, "You went to look at the inside of the house and left me out here to freeze to death?"

The blonde laughed at Ashley's exaggeration, grabbing the brunette's hand, "Yes, but look at it this way – we can finally move!"

Grumbling, Ashley declined to comment, but internally was grateful the house-hunting torture was finally over. Spencer suddenly leaned closer, voice lowered so only the brunette could hear her, "And I promise I'll warm you up as soon as we get back to the hotel."

Ashley's eyes widened and she grabbed the blonde's hand to drag her over to the realtor, "Alright Mitzi, we'll take it. Wrap it, put a bow on it and let me know when the papers are ready. You got my number, right?"

The realtor nodded, money signs nearly visible in her eyes, but Ashley couldn't have cared less. She pulled a laughing Spencer through the snow towards their rental car. Seattle winter suddenly felt a lot less cold to her.

* * *

2014

It was the distinctive shattering of glass and a thud, followed by the loud blaring of the alarm system that ripped her from a rather comfortable sleep. Ashley practically shot up in bed, heart racing, trying to shake the cobwebs of sleep. She felt blindly in the darkness, feeling slight relief when her hands brushed across Spencer's now stirring form. The alarm was still going off, loud and obnoxious, and her first instinct was to investigate what was going on. With shaky hands she pushed the covers off and swung her legs over the edge, eyes scanning the dark room for something to use as a weapon. Some part of her brain knew it was stupid, that there were at least three well-armed guys in the near vicinity to provide security and that even if there was an intruder, she'd likely get herself hurt or killed going down there.

Nevertheless, Ashley moved to get off the bed, but was stopped by a strong grip on her arm. She turned her head, barely able to discern Spencer's face in the near blackness. The blonde sat up, not easing her grip on Ashley's arm and moved closer.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, Ash?" Spencer's voice was nearly lost under the droning of the alarm, but Ashley heard the edge in it clearly.

"I'm just gonna check out what's going on. You stay right here," she responded, partially knowing that she was doing exactly what Spencer had been accusing her off, but the part in control of her just wanted to protect her spouse.

Spencer grabbed Ashley's other arm as well, wishing the brunette would stop being so stubborn and overprotective and just let someone else take care of the problem for once, "That's what we have security for, Ashley."

Ashley heaved a sigh and pulled away from Spencer's grasp, turning around towards the blonde girl. The noisy alarm was making her ears ring and the adrenaline was still coursing through her body. What if there was an intruder and the guards hadn't gotten him? What if he was on his way up to their room, ready to hurt Spencer? The brunette pressed a quick kiss on Spencer's lips and stood, moving away, "I'll be right back, Spencer. Just stay here, okay?"

She took a few steps backward and finally turned around, exiting the bedroom and making her way down the stairs cautiously. Part of her did know it was irrational to go seeking trouble, but she just wanted to make sure everything was okay. It was probably nothing anyway, maybe a bird crashing through a window or some other type of animal. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she glanced around quickly, unable to see any type of intruder and continued on into the living room.

The sight that greeted her made her heart once again thunder in her chest and she took a few apprehensive steps forward. She could hear yelling outside, recognizing the voices of the security team, but nevertheless approached the open bay windows to the front. One of the floor to ceiling windows was busted, shards of glass still hanging in the frame glinting in the moon and outdoor lighting. The floor directly in front of the window was littered in broken glass and some of it had sprayed as far back as the living room entrance.

Making her way forward she tried to avoid stepping on the glass with her bare feet, and stopped just a few feet short of the broken window. There, on the ground, in the middle of the shattered glass sat a red brick. As she looked closer she could tell it had something wrapped around it and Ashley crouched down to pick up the brick among the shards, wincing when something cut into her finger. She ignored the sharp pain and turned the brick in her hand, fiddling with the string tied around it to get to the piece of paper that would surely just hold another hate filled and contemptuous message from her stalker.

Suddenly a shadow fell over her from out on the porch and Ashley startled, nearly falling backwards onto the broken glass. She looked up, holding her breath, but quickly recognized the form of one of the security guys coming closer towards her. He motioned at her from outside the broken window and Ashley stood, trying not to step closer onto the glass. As he stepped into the light she recognized Leon's nervous friend, Kendrick, looking a lot more confident this time, and he walked over to the backdoor to step into the room. She suddenly noticed the deafening silence, realizing they must have turned off the alarm at last and frowned at the continuous ringing in her ears.

"Ms Davies, if you could please hand over the brick, we just want to make sure all the evidence is preserved," he said and stepped closer, the glass crunching under his heavy boots. He held a large ziplock bag in his hands, into which he deposited the brick after taking it from her.

Ashley narrowed her eyes and scoffed, "Preserve the evidence? How about preserving Spencer and my safety first!"

Kendrick drew back some, still clearly not completely comfortable around her, and immediately nodded his head, "Yes, of course, Ms Davies, we've already checked and secured the perimeter. Your safety is our main concern, of course. Steve and Mike are still outside and checking our surveillance systems, but since the attack was on the bay side of the house we probably won't have much to go on. We're just trying to cover all the bases, including the evidence."

Ashley sighed heavily and nodded, knowing the security team was concerned with their safety foremost; it was Leon's team after all and she knew he was looking out for her. She looked away from him as he started inspecting the glass on the ground and turned to take a few steps towards the doorway, now finally noticing the stinging pain in her hand. She glanced down at her right hand, the dim light glinting off what she assumed to be blood and exited the room to head towards the bathroom – Spencer would kill her if she found out.

"I'm going to kill you, you know," the soft voice came from next to her and Ashley nearly jumped, staring wide-eyed at Spencer who stood just a few feet away from her.

Ashley tried to get her wildly beating heart under control and frowned at the blonde, moving her bleeding hand out of sight, "I thought I told you to stay upstairs?"

Spencer scoffed and stepped closer, reaching past the brunette to grab her right wrist, "Despite what you may think, Ashley, I don't do everything you tell me to."

Opening her mouth to respond, the brunette immediately closed it again, then opened it once again, but decided she was probably better off staying quiet. Spencer gave her a challenging look and pulled her closer by her wrist, towards the lighted hallway. The blonde turned Ashley's palm up, a steady trickle of blood running down the brunette's middle finger. Ashley felt like maybe she should say something, perhaps something to defend herself or to make the sad, angry look on Spencer's face disappear, but she remained quiet.

Spencer stayed silent as well, gently pulling Ashley with her into the downstairs bathroom, holding her wrist up the entire time. She flipped the light on and rummaged through the shelf behind the mirror, before turning back to Ashley who was now wearing a sheepish look. They didn't speak when Spencer ran cold water over Ashley's hand, or when she picked a tiny shard of glass out of the cut. They didn't speak when the blonde flushed the cut with hydrogen peroxide, nor when she covered the cut with gauze and not when she wrapped a bandage around Ashley's finger.

When she was done at last, Spencer let go of Ashley's hand and took a step back, looking intently into the brunette's eyes. Ashley sighed heavily, risking a glance at her throbbing, bandaged finger, before meeting Spencer's eyes, throwing her a sheepish smile.

Spencer narrowed her eyes and shook her head, throwing the trash into the bin to her side and then crossed her arms, "What am I supposed to do with you?"

Ashley frowned, shrugging exaggeratedly, "Uh, I don't know, Spence, but you better find some use for me quick, 'cause you're stuck with me, forever. I got the papers to prove it."

Rolling her eyes, the blonde swatted her lightly on the arm, "You're an idiot."

"Yeah, but I'm your idiot," Ashley smiled and cocked her head, stepping closer to the younger girl. Grabbing Spencer's right hand with her good one, she pulled the blonde even closer, until they were mere inches apart.

Spencer's eyes softened and she smiled back, "That you are...doofus."

Sticking her tongue out at the blonde, Ashley wrapped her left arm around the other girl's waist, drawing her against her own body and pressed a wet kiss against Spencer's lips. Spencer pushed her away, laughing, and tried to wipe the excess drool off her face. Ashley smiled, taking her hand again, and led her out of the bathroom back into the hallway, "Let's go back to bed, the security guys can finish up down here."

Spencer, agreeing whole heartedly, let herself be led towards the bottom of the stairs, but suddenly stopped the brunette in her tracks. Ashley turned in confusion, looking back at the blonde and frowned at the serious look now on Spencer's face. The younger girl looked at her, near darkness now once again surrounding them and squeezed the brunette's hand, "Ashley?"

"Yeah?" Ashley responded, voice raspy now.

Spencer met her eyes in an intense gaze before continuing, "Promise me you'll never do something that stupid again, storming headlong into danger. You don't have to be superwoman, you know."

Ashley looked at her, knowing she often didn't make the brightest choices in the heat of the moment, and knew she couldn't live with herself if Spencer got hurt because she was reckless. Sighing, she grasped the blonde's other hand, stepping closer to be able to look at the girl in the dim light, "Spencer, I promise you I won't do anything stupid, but I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Whatever it takes."

They stared at each other for several seconds, before Spencer nodded, "Alright, but don't expect me to stand idly by. Together, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health."

Ashley knew this was where she had to let herself go, to trust Spencer, to fix this madness between them that kept hurting them both. She wanted to keep Spencer away from everything bad and hurtful, but that just wasn't possible, it just couldn't be done. They'd gone through everything together, since the beginning; all the pain, the tears, the joys, they'd sworn to love one another forever, regardless of what had happened or what was going on. As much as she wanted to say no, to tell Spencer idle standing was exactly what she should be doing, she didn't. Instead, Ashley nodded slowly, her voice soft when she finally responded, "Together."

No homophobic parents, no jealous ex-boyfriends, no amount of distance, no crazed fans and no psychopathic stalker would ever be able to tear them apart. They were together, since the beginning, right now and would be until the end.

* * *

2013

Ashley nervously shifted from one foot to the other and began pacing in a tight circle, while fumbling with the keys of her cellphone. The hallway she was in was fairly dark, but at least it was empty, the only proof she wasn't alone being the low rumble of thousands of voices and feet echoing across the concrete walls. Throwing a quick glance at the clock on the wall she sighed and wiped her hand across her forehead. She shook the phone in her hand, cursing under her breath, and moved several feet down the corridor.

The stadium she was currently in was entirely built out of concrete and whatever else they used to keep her cellphone from receiving a signal. She held the device up higher, but still, nothing. Cursing again, Ashley resisted the urge to smash the damn thing on the ground. She paced again, trying to maneuver her phone into a position that would allow her to make a call. Another few steps to the left and with her arm at an awkward angle, one bar finally blinked on and Ashley nearly shouted in triumph.

"Ashley!"

The brunette turned her head at the intrusion and frowned at the sight of her manager. What could Josh possibly want now?

"What're you doing? You're back on in fifteen minutes," Josh yelled, his voice much louder in the empty hallway than the noise the fans were making.

"I know, Josh! I'm calling Spencer," Ashley ground out, sick of having him treat her like a five-year old. She'd never been late for a performance, couldn't he just deal for ten minutes?

He finally reached her, the sweat on his brow and the loosened tie betraying his seemingly calm facade, "You can do that after the concert, Ash."

Ashley grimaced and ran a hand across her forehead again, knowing she couldn't lose her cool. Why did no one understand her situation? "No Josh, now. Let me use your phone and I'll be off in twelve minutes, I swear."

Josh looked as if he intended to protest, but then handed his phone off nevertheless, "Twelve minutes, Ash. I'm counting."

He turned around and walked away from her, out of sight, at least, though Ashley knew he was probably waiting just around the bend for her to finish. Ignoring his presence for the time being she looked at his phone, happy to see he had at least three bars in this tunnel and quickly dialed the familiar number. Once it was ringing, she once again shifted nervously, increasing her pacing when no one picked up. It rang for several seconds more, now making an increasingly worrying Ashley begin to panic, when she suddenly heard the click indicating someone had picked up.

"Spencer?" she blurted out, shifting her weight again.

"Ashley, it's Esmeralda," the older woman's voice came through the phone and Ashley felt her chest tighten.

"Where's Spencer?" she asked, knowing her incessant worry shone through clearly, though she didn't so much care with Esmeralda.

"She's alright, Ashley. Did you get my message?" the woman asked, already on her way up the stairs, knowing Ashley wouldn't wait much longer to talk to the blonde.

Ashley took a deep breath, willing her racing heart to control itself and instead started pacing again, "Of course I did, that's why I'm calling during my intermission. What happened?"

Esmeralda made her way across the landing and towards the master bedroom, entering through the open door. The room was near complete darkness, though a lamp in the corner of the room threw shadows against the walls. The blonde was asleep, wrapped in the covers on Ashley's side, with the cat curled up against her torso almost protectively. The older woman gently sat on the edge of the bed, "She had a seizure, but she's fine. I made sure she took the meds and now she's asleep, but I can wake her up if you'd like."

The brunette frowned, tapping her fingers anxiously against her leg, "There's something you're not telling me."

The older woman shook her head and sighed, not completely used to the overprotectiveness of her employer. It was bad enough when Ashley was actually home, but now, with her gone on tour for the past two months, it seemed she was worrying over everything. She put her hand on the sleeping girl's shoulder and shook her awake slightly, waiting for the blue eyes to focus on her before continuing, "Why don't you talk to Spencer, Ashley, I know she'd like to hear your voice. Here."

Ashley heard rustling and anxiously tapped her foot. She knew something was wrong, had known even before she'd gotten Esmeralda's message that Spencer had had a seizure, but nevertheless waited patiently to hear the blonde's voice on the other end.

"Spencer," she blurted out, but took a deep breath and continued in a softer voice, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, Ash, just a little groggy. How's the concert?" Spencer responded, trying to shake off the cobwebs still clinging to her mind. The pain medication always knocked her out.

Ashley bit the inside of her lip, knowing something else was going on, but she didn't want to push Spencer when she was sick, "Good, I gotta go back on in a few. Are you sure you're alright? Did you take some pain killers?"

Spencer drew her legs up to her chest, trying not to jostle Joanie too much and held the phone between her head and shoulder as she noticed her left hand starting to shake. She sighed, "I'm fine, Ash. The doc gave me some meds to take, I'm okay."

"What doctor?" Ashley asked suddenly, knowing that there was no reason for Spencer to see her doctor for a regular seizure. She'd had seizures for the past six years, there was no need to see a doctor after each one.

The blonde closed her eyes, knowing she'd screwed up. It wasn't fair of Ashley to call her when she wasn't fully there and she sighed heavily, knowing she had no choice but to tell the truth now, "Esmeralda took me to the hospital after my seizure."

"Why?" Ashley asked, feeling her chest constrict once again. She knew she'd been right to worry.

"I broke my wrist when I passed out, but Ash, I'm fine, I swear," Spencer added the last part quickly, trying to convince the brunette not to worry. Well, not to worry as much.

Ashley leaned back against the cold cement wall and closed her eyes. She'd promised to be there, to protect Spencer, especially now that they were married. A small, rational part of her told her Spencer probably would've broken a wrist even with Ashley there, but that was a part she readily ignored. She'd let the blonde down again. Spencer was injured and it was her fault. Ashley inhaled deeply and blew out her breath heavily before responding, "I'm coming home."

Spencer sat up, feeling very awake suddenly, even managing to ignore the throbbing in her body and the trembling of her hand, "What? Stop being crazy, Ashley, you're in the middle of a national tour, you can't just come home 'cause I broke my wrist. Plus, I'm fine! It's just a broken wrist, I'm not dying, Ash."

Clenching her teeth, the brunette pushed herself off the wall and began pacing again. Part of her knew Spencer was right and she was just overreacting right now, but the other part was panicking. What if it happened again? What if something more serious happened next time? Ashley wasn't even there to help her.

"Which wrist?" she finally asked, swallowing against the dryness of her throat. Risking a glance at the clock she realized she only had a few minutes left. Damn Josh, damn this tour. She should be at home with her wife.

Spencer frowned, wondering why that even mattered, but she could tell Ashley was upset. The brunette's voice was way too soft and calm for her not to be, "The right one, but Ash, it's really no big deal. The cast'll come off before you're even back."

"So, right now, you can't even hold the phone, right? You can't feed yourself or hold a glass of water; you need my help and I'm coming home," Ashley said sternly, having made up her mind. She knew how bad Spencer's left hand got after a seizure, there was no way the blonde was fine.

Clenching her jaw, Spencer shook her head and tried to swallow the lump in her throat, "I'm not letting you ruin your career over a broken wrist, Ashley. You hired Esmeralda to help me and that's what she's doing. I promise you, I'm okay. Now, please finish your concert, I don't want Josh taking your head off."

Ashley wanted to argue, to protest, but she knew Spencer was right. She was being irrational. Spencer wasn't in danger and someone was there to take care of her; she was okay. That didn't make her want to fly home any less, though. She closed her eyes again and sighed, "Fine, but if you need me, you call me, okay?"

Spencer let out the breath she'd been holding and nodded, "Yeah. Please don't worry too much while you're on stage?"

The brunette laughed softly, "Don't ask the impossible of me, Spence. Now, go back to sleep babe."

It was silent for a few seconds, before Spencer spoke again, softly, "Will you call me after you're done?"

Ashley smiled, rubbing a hand across her forehead, "Of course. I love you, Spence."

She waited to hear the blonde's response, before clicking the phone shut. She took a moment to clear her thoughts, taking a few deep breaths, letting the now increasing rumbling wash over her. She only took a few steps back towards the direction of the stage, before Josh came barreling around the corner. He almost looked surprised to see her off the phone and stopped in mid-stride, at a loss for words. Ashley tossed the phone at him and walked past, towards the eagerly anticipating crowd's roar.

* * *


	9. Memento Mori

This story is slowly coming to its end, sadly enough. Here are the answers you've all been waiting for...

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Memento Mori**

2014

"...we have more sponsors, money, recognition and dates this time around. It might not be a true international tour, but we'll play in some of the big overseas locations, like London, Berlin and Barcelona. Just think of the exposure; this is great! Pandora's Box is famous enough in the States, but this promises international stardom...just think of the possibilities!"

Ashley watched with a wry expression as Josh continued on about the tour offer he'd just received for the band. He'd been talking non-stop for ten minutes now and by the look of his eyes, one might think he was in some drug-induced haze. She wouldn't at all be surprised if he started drooling any moment now. Glancing around the room, though, the brunette could tell the rest of her bandmates were just as eagerly soaking up his words as he was spewing them.

She sighed heavily and suddenly five pairs of eyes were on her, their questioning gazes almost making her shift uncomfortably. But Ashley knew she had made up her mind, knew what she ultimately had to do and not her stupid band mates nor her annoying manager were going to change her mind. Leaning back in her chair she crossed her arms and looked at Josh, "And how long are you planning to send us on tour for, Josh?"

The eager anticipation on his face faltered somewhat, and he shuffled his papers almost nervously before responding, "Uh...well...it's not set in stone or anything, yet. I'd say...maybe...uh...18 months?"

He clearly had not anticipated her laughing at him and flinched in response, before shaking his head to clear it. He'd known Ashley would be difficult to convince, but after all, she was a celebrity and they all loved the same things – fame and money. Josh knew he just had to play up those two factors and even Ashley would cave, crippled wife be damned.

Josh cleared his throat, stacking his papers neatly in front of him, "Look, Ashley, I know that seems like a long time, but you know while touring time flies. And this tour would pay three times as good as the last one, not to mention the merchandise and CD sales would sky-rocket. Most importantly, though, you have fans all over the world that want nothing more than to see Pandora's Box live in concert, don't you think they deserve that chance?"

Ashley frowned and leaned forward in her chair, uncrossing her arms, "And I have a beautiful girl at home that wants nothing more than to be with the woman she married, don't you think she deserves that chance?"

From off to the side somewhere, Gus groaned quietly, mumbling under his breath, "Not this shit again!"

Turning her head towards him, the brunette shot him a quick look, before turning back to Josh, "Sorry, Josh, but I am not going on tour. Not regional, not nationally and certainly not all over the world while Spencer sits at home and waits for me...again. It's not going to happen. And really, you should know better than to try and bait me with money."

She stood abruptly, glancing towards the door where Leon stood silent as a statue. Ashley was no longer content to just have him wait outside and realized today especially it had been a great idea to bring him inside – she was sure she was about to witness a mutiny.

"Fuck you, Ash, maybe you don't need the money, but you're ruining everyone else's careers here, too!" Renee ground out, standing up as well and balling her fists.

Ashley sighed and looked at the guitarist, raising an eyebrow, "Yeah, 'cause I care more about [b]**your**[/b] career, than [b]**my**[/b] marriage. Seriously, you're basically saying this band doesn't exist without me...way to give yourselves credit there, guys."

Gus smacked his open palm on the table, making everyone flinch except for Ashley, who once again had her arms crossed, "Fine then, Ms Superstar, we can just replace you and go on tour without you. I doubt anyone will even notice you're gone, anyway."

Clenching her jaw, Ashley finally shrugged, "Whatever, I don't care. Just don't expect to do it with the songs I own the copyright to."

She looked at each of them in turn, the anger and defeat on their faces, surprised no one had jumped her, yet. But Ashley knew she was doing the right thing. So maybe she wouldn't be a world-famous superstar, maybe she'd never make it above the few crazy kids in America that bought her music, but it didn't matter to her. If world stardom meant losing Spencer it was never even an option to begin with, they just didn't realize that. They thought she was making a choice here, but in reality, 'without Spencer' was not a possible state of existence for Ashley Davies. It simply could not happen, and because of that she had never entertained thoughts otherwise, had never wanted to be so incredibly famous she'd lose the only person she'd ever want to share that with.

When she looked at Josh, the older man looked more than livid, he seemed inundated with rage. Red splotches were appearing on his face and he seemed to be sweating quite intensely. Ashley might have almost felt bad, if she didn't know what kind of thoughts he was currently harboring. She looked him directly in the eyes, enunciating every word, "I am not going on tour, Josh. Not now, not ever again. Let me know what you all decide."

She nodded at Leon, whose movement seemed to shock everyone else in the room, having forgotten he was even there. Ashley turned, not caring what fame and money she was walking away from, when Josh suddenly grabbed her arm. She turned to look at him, hoping for Josh's sake Leon didn't find him particularly threatening.

"Ashley," Josh said, his voice sounding weak and pleading. She raised an eyebrow at him questioningly and he looked at her intently, before continuing, "don't let Spencer become the Yoko Ono of Pandora's Box. There's too much at stake here to just give it all up."

Shrugging out of his grip, the brunette shook her head, her voice barely a whisper as she spoke, "I know."

With one last glance at Josh, Ashley let Leon usher her out of the boardroom and through the hallways of the company. And with every step, she suddenly felt a whole lot lighter.

* * *

2013

"We can't just leave them like that."

He shrugged, a smile playing on his lips, "They look comfortable."

The woman frowned and threw him a look, "Arthur, it's ten degrees outside. I say we don't let them freeze to death out here."

Arthur wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulders and smirked, "It's very unlike you to try and save Ashley from impending doom."

Paula scoffed and shook her head at him, crossing her arms, "You know I don't hate her. She's not that bad. I just don't want them to freeze to death."

Chuckling, Arthur looked at the two girls across from them in amusement. They were outside on the back porch of the giant house, overlooking Seattle Bay at night. It was cold, probably close to freezing, and they had all bundled up with jackets, hats and blankets to sit outside under the stars. It hadn't taken long for first Spencer and then Ashley to fall asleep, wrapped up together in a giant, fluffy blanket. Spencer was cuddled up against Ashley's side, head tucked into the brunette's neck, while Ashley's head was resting against the back of the chair with her mouth wide open. They looked quite peaceful and calm and Arthur didn't really want to wake them, although he knew Paula was right.

He stood and was about to put his hand on Spencer's shoulder, when Ashley's eyes flew open. She stared at him for a few moments then almost visibly relaxed and her eyes flitted from Arthur over to where Paula was sitting. The look on her face at being caught in a 'compromising position' by Paula almost made Arthur laugh out loud. Ashley immediately tried to extricate herself from the blonde girl, but Spencer wouldn't budge.

"Do you want me to carry her upstairs? I'd hate to wake her," Arthur said, making Ashley avert her eyes from Paula and look back at him.

Ashley hesitated, but nodded eventually, letting Arthur take the sleeping blonde from her arms. Carefully carrying his daughter, the older man went back inside the house, leaving Ashley and Paula in an uncomfortable silence outside on the deck. Ashley nervously rubbed her hands on her pants and glanced around for a possible escape route.

"I don't hate you, you know," Paula said softly out of nowhere and Ashley stared at her, dumbfounded. "She's my baby and I worry about her."

Ashley swallowed, not sure what the blonde woman was expecting of her, "I love Spencer."

Paula smiled, weakly but even the brunette could tell it was there, and stood up, "I know. Goodnight, Ashley."

Brushing a hand across the brunette's shoulder, Paula left the deck as well, leaving an incredibly confused Ashley behind.

* * *

2014

She crossed her arms and ducked her head against the biting wind coming at her. She'd considered more than once moving back to warm California and leaving the rain, sleet and ice behind and, she thought, it might definitely be happening now. Ashley frowned, her somewhat good mood from earlier having evaporated. She kept replaying the meeting over and over in her head, at times even feeling a slight twinge of guilt at letting down her band mates, but didn't exactly regret her decision.

Feeling Leon walk up next to her, the brunette almost sighed. An 18-months long international tour had been her dream once upon a time, something she'd wanted so bad she'd been willing to risk nearly all she had. Sure, she had her money and she had Kyla, neither of which would have changed, but to her, Spencer really was all she had. Looking at her security detail walking behind her, she shook her head. Her greed and hunger for fame had already put Spencer in danger, something she'd promised herself years ago she would never let happen.

Ashley clenched her jaw and stuck her hands in the pockets of her jacket almost angrily. She looked down the gray street in front of her, glad the wet, bone-chilling wind was keeping most people at home and far away from her. She was in no mood to sign autographs or take pictures with overly excited fans; it was bad enough she had to go to this meeting with some producer or reporter or whoever Josh had set up.

Thinking of her manager she frowned again, wondering not for the first time why she kept him around. Sure, Josh had gotten them to stardom, had stuck around through all the debacles and knew for the most part at least how to keep her happy. She hadn't really had too many problems with him over the years, though to Ashley it seemed he had gotten more demanding lately. Maybe she was really just sick and tired of it all. Tired of the traveling, of the recording, of the interviews and photo spreads, but especially tired of being away from Spencer.

Sighing, she pulled out her phone to check the time, wishing she hadn't agreed to this damn meeting before storming out on Josh and the band. Was there even any point in going now, she wondered. Exhaling heavily, she watched her breath rise into the air and wished she could go home. She'd promised Spencer she'd be home right after the band meeting and felt bad for, once again, breaking a promise. Not to mention, even with the security set up at their house, she still didn't like leaving Spencer home alone.

Ashley was especially tired of the damn stalker, who had done nothing but make their lives miserable. Some ranting lunatic who apparently hated her, hated Spencer, hated her music; who knew what the driving force behind the letters and messages was? She frowned again, thinking about how she would feel if she had to leave Spencer home alone for 18 months, while a stalker was after them. Those other idiots just didn't understand, Ashley scoffed internally, thinking back to how they had voiced their opinions at the meeting.

She stopped dead in her tracks. One of the security guys ran straight into her, grabbing her shoulders in alarm at her sudden stop. Ashley fumbled for her phone with shaky hands, all blood drained from her face as she turned towards Leon. He looked at her terror-stricken face and grabbed her arm, hoping against everything that she hadn't been shot or hurt while they were right there. She stared at him as if in a trance for several seconds, then suddenly came back to life and took off in the opposite direction. Leon cursed and ran after her, easily catching up to her, but was unable to stop the brunette.

Ashley looked at him, lungs burning from the cold air, but she couldn't slow down, "Leon, I know who the stalker is."

Leon stared at her in amazement, wondering how she could possibly have figured it out when he'd had dozens of people, plus local police working the case, but the determination on her face told him to at least hear her out. The few people on the street were looking at them strangely, two huge guys in black trenchcoats running after a young woman, and he wondered why they were running at all. A quick call to the police and the lunatic could easily be picked up.

But when he saw Ashley hitting the phone in frustration, the paleness of her face, the sheer terror radiating off of her, he knew. Whoever the stalker was, was after Spencer. Seeing Ashley unsuccessfully try to call the house again, Leon used his own cellphone to reach the two of his guys currently stationed at the house. He knew there was very little chance of anyone getting into the house with the security they had set up and his men were incredibly competent.

When he received no answer on either of the men's cellphones, he knew Ashley was right to panic.

* * *

Ashley inhaled a shuddering breath, blinking her eyes at the barrage of memories. She'd heard of people seeing their life flashing before their eyes moments before death, but these memories were all Spencer and her, for the past eight years. And she wasn't the one with the gun pointed at her head. Her hands were shaking badly and she hid them in the pockets of her sweater, not wanting him to see how freaked out she really was. Then again, he probably knew anyway. He'd known the moment she'd nearly busted down her own front door, face red from the cold, but unnaturally pale the split-second she had tripped over the bodies of the two dead bodyguards in the entrance hall. He'd laughed at the look on her face, the naked terror when she'd rushed into the living room to see him holding the gun to Spencer's head.

She balled her shaking hands into fists and swallowed hard. Her mouth and throat felt as if she had been eating sand, her heart thundering so loudly in her chest she figured he could hear. He wore a self-satisfied grin on his face, the smug look she'd always hated so much, but this time she had no words to tear him down. He controlled her completely. Even though Leon and his partner stood just a few feet behind her, she knew they offered no safety anymore, not with their weapons at his feet. Not with Spencer in his clutches, shielding him from danger.

"Let her go," she ground out, but her voice sounded so weak she wouldn't even have convinced herself.

He laughed and leaned his elbows on the back of the recliner he stood behind, pressing the barrel of the gun harder into Spencer's temple. Ashley pressed her lips into a thin line, looking down at the blonde. Although the recliner he was holding Spencer in was no more than five yards from her, it felt like a giant rift between them, insurmountable odds they had no chance of overcoming once again. Ashley swallowed the lump in her throat and looked back at him.

"Aren't you supposed to be at that meeting?" he asked in a normal tone, eyes narrowing in curiosity.

Ashley scoffed, wondering when he had lost it, "You gave yourself away. We're not the Beatles, you know."

The man frowned, looking contemplative for a second, before shaking his head, "You're right, Ashley. Still...I always hated Yoko for what she did, I couldn't let Spencer get away with doing the same thing. This is what's best for everyone."

She removed her hands from her pockets, sweaty and shaking, and dropped them by her sides in a clear display of desperation. Ashley met his eyes, she couldn't remember them ever looking so crazy, swallowing against the tears and said his name like a plea, "Josh."

He shook his head, trailing the barrel of the gun along the blonde's chin, though never breaking their eye contact, "Ashley, I told you, didn't I?"

Ashley choked down the sob wanting to escape and threw her hands up in exasperation, "What do you want from me, Josh?"

The man scoffed, shifting more of his weight onto the headrest of the recliner to lean it back, gun never leaving the blonde's face, "You were always such an ungrateful little bitch. I gave you my everything, without me you would be nothing and you just throw it away!"

Ashley's eyes flitted to Spencer's face, but she could hardly stand to look at the terrified blonde. If she thought about the gun in Spencer's face, about the scared blue eyes, about the scar on the blonde's forehead, about this being the girl's worst nightmare, Ashley knew she'd lose it. Crossing her arms to keep herself together, she exhaled deeply and shook her head.

"You still have the rest of the band. And you heard them, no one will miss me," Ashley tried to argue, wishing she could risk a glance at Leon, who stood several feet behind her. But she knew they wouldn't try anything, not with that gun pressed to Spencer's head, not with their guns by Josh's feet.

Josh shook his head in exasperation, gesticulating wildly as he spoke, "Please, Ashley, you know those others are just fillers, they're nothing special. Without you, that band is nothing, they just can't see it. This was your dream, Ashley, be famous, a rockstar, the fans and the tours, you wanted this! I made you what you are and you are throwing it back in my face!"

"Things change, Josh," Ashley said softly, wondering how long they could keep him calm.

The laughter he responded with was angry and fake and he forcefully pressed the gun into Spencer's cheek. Ashley felt her heart jump into her throat, trying to force down the nausea as she watched the blonde. Spencer's eyes were closed, the hands on her lap shaking noticeably and Ashley hoped she wasn't going to have a seizure. That was likely the last thing they needed, who knew what Josh would do in that case.

"I will change them back for you. It didn't have to be this way, you know, I gave you plenty of warning. But I guess you were right not to get rid off her, just think of the publicity we'll get after she's dead. There's nothing better than sympathy votes, they'll eat you right up; just think Grammys, MTV Awards, sold out stadiums!"

Ashley felt the bile rise in her throat, unsure how she could have missed this lunatic right under her nose. How she could have allowed him easy access to Spencer. How she could have let her wife down once again. How many times had Josh been over since this started, how many times had he been alone with Spencer? Why had she thought she could trust him? The eerie fire that danced in his eyes told her he was not going to give up.

"You'll come to thank me, Ashley," Josh said, softly this time, but in such a final tone it made the brunette panic.

She risked a quick glance at Leon, whose face was hard as stone, making it impossible to know what he was thinking. Glancing down, she nearly gasped upon seeing him making signs behind his back to the other two guys behind him. Although she had no idea what he was trying to tell them, she knew Leon; she knew he'd want to do [b]something[/b]. Snapping her head back up, trying not to be too obvious she stared back at Josh. He was still bent over behind the recliner and the brunette knew they had to get him out before Leon had a chance to take him down.

Taking a deep breath, Ashley took two steps forward, arms spread out. Storming headlong into danger once again, she thought wryly, though if Spencer got a chance to ream her out for it she'd be ecstatic. Taking another few steps towards Josh and the recliner, she put on a mask of steely determination, "You will have to kill me, too, Josh, because if you take Spencer from me, I won't rest until you're dead."

Josh stared at her, seemingly shocked for a few seconds, but the dark look crossing his features wiped out Ashley's last hope. This would not end peacefully. Meeting Spencer's now even more terrified eyes, she tried to somehow tell the blonde to run when the chance arose, to get away from the lunatic who had threatened their lives for too long. Spencer stared at her, grief-stricken, and Ashley wasn't sure the younger girl could even read her. Josh cocked the gun and pointed it at the brunette.

"Well, that's disappointing, but you leave me no choice. I think the tragedy of you and Spencer's double-murder will propel Pandora's Box into the national spotlight for some time as is. We won't need you after all, Ashley; you'll get your wish."

She stared down the barrel of the gun with a strange sense of calm. No more flashes of memories, no more thundering heart and no more shaking hands. Whatever sounds surrounded her faded into the background, her breathing evened out and she sought out Spencer's eyes. If she was going to die right here, right now, she'd want her last thought, her last vision, her last breath to be Spencer. She locked onto the blue eyes, managing a weak smile and mouthed 'I love you' to the blonde. Spencer visibly clenched her jaw and shook her head weakly; this could not be their last goodbye, Ashley wasn't allowed to just give herself up like that.

Ashley had always thought seeing things in slow motion was a thing for the movies, but the entire few seconds ticked by in an agonizing pace, allowing her to discern every single movement, every flicker of the light. When Josh pulled the trigger, it wasn't just a flash of light, a loud sound, an agonizing pain; it was a soft click, a sudden tiny cloud of fire, a sudden movement before her eyes closed on their own volition. Spencer screamed and Josh yelled and to Ashley the time between the trigger pull and the bullet impacting her body was momentous.

Maybe she'd expected to be dead instantly, or to pass out, but she distinctly felt the cold tiles under her hands as she braced herself, falling to the ground and onto her back. Her eyes, that had just seconds ago betrayed her so cowardly, opened the instant she hit the ground. Ashley sucked in a deep, painful breath, bringing one of her cold hands to the searing pain in her thigh. When she felt the warm blood under her fingertips the entire world suddenly came rushing back towards her, bearing down on her, and she could see clearly again.

It had taken just a split-second for him to nearly take her life and he stared at her, almost dumbfounded for just a moment. He roughly yanked his arm out of Spencer's grip, glaring down at the wide-eyed girl. If she hadn't grabbed for his gun at the last second, Josh knew he would've at least hit Ashley somewhere that mattered. He wanted Spencer to pay for making him miss, for ruining his career, his hopes and his dreams. Something like a growl escaped him, lips drawn into a snarl and Josh swung the gun at her head in anger.

The cool metal of the gun barely grazed her cheek as Spencer shot up off the recliner and away from him, trying to reach the doorway several yards away. Josh shoved the recliner in rage, haphazardly aiming the gun at the blonde and fired a shot in Spencer's direction. The blonde half-turned and half-ducked at the sound, and she fell onto her back, sliding the rest of the way along the tiles. The shot missed her by several inches and Spencer pushed herself up on her elbows, trying to get away from Josh as he came after her again.

Ashley watched in numb horror, feeling her chest constrict and tried to push her shaky body up to stop him, somehow. "Leon!" she yelled, wondering why he wasn't doing anything, wondering why her body wasn't cooperating with her. Ashley's hand slipped in the puddle of blood on the tiles, watching helplessly as Josh fired the first shot at the blonde, making her fall. The panic was like an iron grip around her chest, hardly letting her breathe, and the brunette tried again to push herself to her feet. Josh stepped out from behind the recliner, the look on his face almost feral as he continued to aim the gun at Spencer at point-blank range.

Spencer stared up at him in blank fear from her position on the floor, trying to scramble backwards, but he was already coming towards her. Josh took another step forward, blocking Ashley's view. When another shot rang out, the scream that escaped her throat was so raw, so agonizing and animalistic she didn't even realize it was her own. She slid forward on her hands and knees, smears of blood trailing behind her on the white kitchen tiles. It never once crossed her mind to run, to hide, to get to safety; all she cared about was getting to Spencer. Josh lowered the gun and turned his head towards Ashley, eyes narrowed, but the brunette hardly paid him attention.

When a third shot rang out, Ashley winced, but never stopped her frantic crawl towards Spencer. Josh's body crumpled to the ground, a rapidly growing stain of blood on his chest and she heard Leon shouting, but she paid attention to neither. The whole thing had taken no more than ten seconds, but it had been enough to rip her heart out. Ashley reached Spencer's body on the ground and pulled herself closer, reaching out with hands that shook so badly she hardly thought they were her own. There was blood, a quickly growing puddle reaching for her as she lay next to the blonde, pushed up on her elbows. Spots danced before her eyes and each breath seemed to take more and more out of her, but Ashley didn't care, pushing the throbbing, burning pain in her leg to the back of her mind.

"No, no, no, Spencer," Ashley rasped, voice so raw and choked up it burned her throat. Spencer lay still on her back, head turned to the right, her eyes closed. Ashley reached out a hand, gently grasping Spencer's chin to move the blonde's tilted head. A thin, red line ran across the younger girl's left cheek from where Josh had tried to hit her with the gun, and the brunette lightly ran a finger across it.

When Ashley turned Spencer's head, the sound escaping her lips was so harrowing it sent shudders down the backs of the security personnel in the room. She stared at the bright, red blood covering the right side of Spencer's forehead, matting her blonde hair, covering her cheek and ear, spreading into a puddle underneath her head. Moving her trembling hand away, the brunette trailed it down Spencer's chest, closing her eyes at the sight that hit her like deja vu.

She felt someone come up next to her, a gentle hand on her shoulder, and knew it was Leon speaking, but she heard nothing. Squeezing her eyes shut tightly, Ashley turned her head away from Spencer and threw up. The darkness closed in on her and she rolled onto her back, welcoming it with open arms. It had already taken Spencer from her, it could have her as well. Ashley sank into nothingness without a fight.


	10. Sic Semper Tyrannis

I know you are all ready to stone me, so here is the final chapter...there will be an epilogue after this, but this is basically the end of the road. Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Sic Semper Tyrannis**

"Goddammit, Ashley, open your eyes."

The voice was demanding and forceful and she had no desire to meet its request. Even if it had been sugary sweet she wouldn't have listened, she realized. Her body was floating, a pleasant warmth surrounding her and in all reality she wasn't even aware of what was going on. Her thoughts were incoherent, her physical state, though pleasant, was confusing and for the longest time she felt like she was missing something.

"I know you can hear me, don't play dead. Come on, Ashley," the voice interrupted her again and if she could have, Ashley would have frowned.

Why was that voice so familiar? What was the unease settling in the pit of her stomach? There was something she had to do, something incredibly important, but it was so much nicer where she was. Ashley. The voice knew her name and used it so familiarly, yet she innately knew she did not like hearing it. Why did the voice insist on tearing her from this place where she was warm and happy? The voice sounded sad.

Ashley felt a sudden stab of pain somewhere deep inside of her at the thought and tried to push it away. The cold feeling that suddenly descended upon her threatened to pull her away from her safe place. It was like a light had been turned on without warning and she felt blinded, even though her eyes were closed. Her senses slowly returned, one by one. The haze surrounding her mind faded away and Ashley became acutely aware of a cacophony of noises that surrounded her. Her whole body was made of lead and no matter how hard she tried, she could not move a muscle. The more aware she became of her body, the greater was the pain she felt coursing through her leg.

She tried to assess her situation, the pain, the rough linen she felt under her fingertips, a warm hand over hers, the jumble of voices in the background, the antiseptic smell. Ashley realized she was in a hospital. The rest of the memories descended upon her a split-second later and the brunette desperately wanted to return to her safe place. No, she wanted to die. She wanted to leave. If she stayed here, she'd have no escape from the barrage of memories, from the images of blood and Spencer...

Ashley forced her eyes open in desperation, a groan escaping her extremely dry throat. The light in the white hospital room was blinding, but she defiantly refused to close her eyes again. Never again. She felt her hand twitch and turned her eyes to the side. For just a second, when she saw the blonde hair and blue eyes through her blurry vision, she thought she'd had a horrible dream, that she'd imagined everything, but when her eyes cleared, the dread settled in her body.

A sob escaped her, rattling her heavy chest and tears immediately filled her eyes. The hand covering hers squeezed gently and Ashley looked down. The tears spilled over. Her throat burned, even more from trying to hold in the sobs, but she ignored the cup being handed to her.

"Ashley," Paula said softly, wishing the brunette would just look at her. She held out a cup of water to the girl, but Ashley hardly paid her any attention. "Would you just drink something? I know your throat is killing you, stop being so stubborn."

Clenching her jaw, Ashley pulled her hand away and attempted to cross her arms, only to find an IV needle taped to her right. She had no idea how long she'd been here. No idea how long it had been since Josh had taken her will to live. Risking a quick glance at Paula, Ashley pushed herself up and tried to swing her legs over the side of the bed. The pain that exploded in her leg only stopped her momentarily and, biting her lower lip, Ashley tried to move again. The IV pulled at her arm and she was about to yank it out when Paula stopped her.

"[b]**What**[/b] do you think you're doing?"

Ashley didn't meet her eyes, looking down her at her shaking hands, "I want to be with Spencer." She swallowed hard at the lump in her throat and angrily blinked the tears away.

Paula shook her head, pushing the brunette back against the cushions, "You can't, they're not done, yet."

Looking defiantly into the blonde woman's eyes, Ashley scoffed, "What could they possibly have to do that's more important?"

All she wanted was to see Spencer, just one last time, just so she could remember. Pictures had never done justice to what she saw in the blonde, it had never just been about physical beauty. Love was different than lust and Ashley knew with her entire being she could never feel that kind of love for anyone else again. She sniffed and impatiently wiped the tears away.

Paula remembered the last time she'd seen Ashley like this and the eerie similarities of the circumstances made her queasy. She sat on the edge of the hospital bed, covering the brunette's hand with her own once again. "It's not an easy surgery, Ashley, they'll let us know as soon as they're done."

Ashley nodded absently, but her head snapped up abruptly when she realized what Paula had said, "What?"

Frowning, the blonde woman looked at her daughter-in-law. The brunette had been unconscious for a while after all, maybe she had hit her head or was still foggy from the anesthesia, but the sudden gleam in the brown eyes made Paula wonder. If she was to admit it, the empty look in Ashley's eyes when she'd finally woken up had scared her a little. "Spencer's in surgery, they have to fix...Ashley, what's wrong?"

All blood had drained from the brunette's face and a sudden wave of nausea washed over her. A buzzing sounded in her ears and she had to pull herself together hard to keep the blackness away. She looked away from her shaking hands and met the blue eyes, her voice raspy as she spoke, "Spencer's...alive?"

"Yes, of course. They didn't tell you?" Paula answered softly, voice trailing off at the end. She was about to continue, when Ashley once again moved to get out of her bed.

"I have to go see her," Ashley said, pushing the pain and dizziness to the back of her mind as she tried to get off the bed. She hadn't even realized how empty she had felt until she was whole again and she never again wanted to feel like that again. She had to see it with her own eyes, she couldn't risk Paula being wrong.

Paula once again stopped her, realizing suddenly that Ashley had thought Spencer was dead all this time. The thought actually pained and she finally understood the emptiness in the brown eyes she'd seen before. She put both her hands on Ashley's shoulders, partially to keep her still and partially to get the girl to look at her, "She's okay, Ashley. You can see her soon, but you need to rest for a while. You lost a ton of blood; the bullet nicked the femoral artery and they had to do surgery to repair it. You're incredibly lucky."

Ashley frowned and rubbed a shaky hand across her forehead, before meeting Paula's eyes again, "It wasn't luck. Spencer saved my life. I...I have to see she's okay...with my own eyes. Please, Paula? I don't care how."

Sighing heavily, the older woman finally nodded. She knew from experience Ashley would not let up and take care of herself until she was sure Spencer was safe and sound.

* * *

Perhaps Paula had been right and she wasn't 100%, but Ashley would never admit it. She sat in an uncomfortable wheelchair under a heap of blankets, trying to fight the urge to remove the itchy IV tube still in her arm that ran to a bag on a hook above her head. Her head swam, her hands were trembling slightly, eyes and throat burning, not to mention the dull, throbbing pain in her right thigh. But Ashley didn't care about any of that, all that mattered to her was behind the giant windows before her. Being famous definitely had its perks, including being able to convince the hospital administrator to allow her into the OR observation room.

She felt movement next to her and turned to look at Paula, who took a seat in the chair by her side. Ashley hadn't really thought about much of anything since waking up, really her mind was just now beginning to clear enough to form thoughts beyond 'Be with Spencer', and she noticed for the first time how tired the woman looked. Paula's face was pale and drawn, maybe not to the extent that Ashley's was, but it was easy to see how much she had been worrying, despite assuring the brunette everything was fine.

"Everything went well, Dr. Foreman will be in to talk to us in a bit," Paula explained and leaned back in the chair. She exhaled deeply, feeling the weight lift off her shoulders. She had tried not to show how worried she was, especially for Ashley's sake, but in all reality she had been terrified.

The phone call would stick in her memory forever, a grim reminder of what she had almost lost, again. It had been the third, and, counting Ashley, the fourth time that someone had informed her one of her children had been shot. She'd wondered once again what kind of crime her family had committed in a past life to be subject to such tragedy, but now, after being informed of Spencer's condition, she wondered who was looking out for them. After they'd lost Clay that fateful night, and had almost lost Spencer, they'd all grown closer somehow, like they all knew the possibilities.

She'd gotten the call, from Ashley's bodyguard ten minutes before the news had the story, and then from the hospital five minutes after CNN interrupted their regular nonsense for breaking news. She wasn't sure how, but the bodyguard, Leon, had arranged a seat for her on some businessman's private jet and Paula had been in Seattle shortly after finding out about the shooting. She thought about Arthur, who'd still been at work, but she felt better after she just talked to him and Anthony a few minutes ago. They were already packing.

"Spencer will be okay," she said, as much for her own benefit as for the silent brunette's by her side.

Ashley nodded, not quite convinced by the simple statement. She'd seen Josh shoot Spencer, she'd seen the blood, she'd touched the blonde's lifeless body; she wasn't going to be convinced so easily that Spencer was okay. People didn't get shot in the head and lived and they certainly didn't do it twice. Maybe they'd made a mistake and this wasn't Spencer at all. After all, all they could really see in the OR were a ton of green-robed surgeons and nurses, bright lights and a mostly covered patient, as well as some blonde hair. A lot of people had blonde hair.

Fighting down the nausea, Ashley turned to Paula, "How did you get here so fast anyway?"

Paula averted her eyes from the OR, thankful for a distraction that allowed her to not watch the surgeons stitching up her daughter's head. Unlike Ashley, she wasn't worried about a mix-up, but despite being a doctor, she had never been able to stomach watching her children in pain or injured. She looked at the brunette, noticing how tired the girl looked, but at least some color had returned to her incredibly pale face. "I suppose having a famous daughter-in-law will get you from LA to Seattle in less than three hours."

Ashley frowned, "How long was I out?"

"A few hours definitely, you were already in your room when I got here. You know, since both you and Spencer were unconscious, they needed me to give permission for the surgeries. You didn't tell me you gave me your medical power of attorney."

Sporting a slight grimace, the girl shrugged, turning back towards the large windows to watch the nurses finally move the bed, "Only if Spencer can't do it; I just figured it'd be better to have someone who understands all that medical mumbo jumbo anyway."

Before Paula could respond, the door to their right opened and a young, black man in green scrubs stepped through. He smiled mildly at them and took a seat across from the two women; Ashley hoped he wasn't a fan, she just wasn't in the mood to deal with a nervous or overly excited idiot. He nodded at Paula, then looked at Ashley, who wished she wasn't sitting in this damn wheelchair, all weak and pale. She didn't like looking stupid.

"Ms. Davies, I'm Dr. Foreman, your wife's neurosurgeon. She's being moved to the recovery room as we speak, so you'll be able to see her shortly," the doctor began, his voice steady and even and Ashley decided she didn't hate him.

"So, Spencer's alive? She's going to make it through?" Ashley asked, the dread filling her again. They'd been so damn lucky last time, there wasn't enough luck in the world to save Spencer again. Someone had to hold a giant grudge against them, to do this to them again, after seven years.

Dr. Foreman looked at her weirdly for a moment, before shaking his head, "Yes, of course, she's completely fine, well for the circumstances. She lost a good amount of blood and has a pretty bad concussion; she might need some additional physical therapy to help with the renewed injury to that area, but that's nothing she shouldn't overcome. "

Ashley narrowed her eyes and wondered why he was lying to her. She'd seen with her own eyes, the blood, the bullet hole, Spencer unconscious and not fine. "I saw him shoot her in the head, I saw the blood with my own eyes. How can you just tell me she's fine?" her voice was raspy again and she fought against the tears.

He took a deep breath and exhaled, leaning forward onto his knees. Truthfully, it was just as unbelievable to him as to the girl before him and if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, he'd never believe it either. The chances were probably one in the billions; he figured someone had to be seriously looking out for these two. Dr. Foreman met the brunette's eyes intently, before continuing, "The bullet did impact the forehead and cause some tissue damage, and as you might know, head wounds tend to bleed excessively. However, the bullet was stopped by the titanium plate that was used during the previous surgery, it fragmented harmlessly without penetrating bone. We had to replace the titanium plate, and a plastic surgeon stitched up the skin injured by the bullet, but the damage to the brain was minimal. Like I said, she suffered a concussion from the impact, which might cause her peripheral weakness or the seizures to worsen some, but the brain should be able to heal itself in this case. Spencer is incredibly lucky."

It wasn't that she thought he was lying, it was just that what he had said was so incredibly impossible, that her first reaction was to have him fired. Ashley narrowed her eyes and stared at the man, "You're obviously so attached to your job, you feel the need to lie to me. I'm not stupid, I know the odds of that happening are..."

Dr. Foreman interrupted the brunette, not wanting her to get the impression he was making up miracles, "One in a billion, probably, I know. Believe me, we were just as shocked, this is quite extraordinary. But that plate saved her life, without it there's no doubt in my mind that a shot from that range would have been fatal."

Ashley grasped the rails of the wheelchair and leaned back heavily, eyes staring at the ceiling. She blinked the tears away and chuckled softly. At this point in time she probably owed someone a favor of gigantic proportions. The irony of the situation certainly didn't pass her by, nor the weirdness, and if she'd been even a smidge religious she might have considered this a miracle. Well, it certainly was a miracle, in its very own way.

* * *

The light in the room was a soft orange, dim enough to not bother her already burning eyes. It was silent at least, a glass wall and sliding door separated the small room from the busier corridor outside. The blinds and curtains were drawn and she wasn't even sure what time of day it was. All she knew was that they'd been here way too long. The steady beeping off to the side was a familiar sound to her and as much as she hated it, it at least kept her calm. She sighed and uncrossed her arms, leaning back against the pillows uncomfortably.

Ashley reached down by her side and grasped Spencer's left hand in hers, bringing it across her chest. She shifted slightly to be able to look down at the, still unconscious, blonde. They'd wrapped her head in a ton of gauze and bandages and some bruises were already starting to form along the girl's forehead and right eye. The brunette remembered how much Spencer complained last time about looking like a raccoon and she grinned. Hearing the whooshing sound of the door opening, she looked up and managed a rueful smirk at the look on Paula'sf ace.

"Ashley," the woman sighed, exasperation clearly evident in her voice. It was apparently impossible to leave her 24-year-old daughter-in-law alone in a room for more than 30 minutes without her doing something she wasn't supposed to.

"What, you told me to put my leg up," the brunette shrugged and gestured at the brace they'd imprisoned her right leg in. She felt a lot better after a couple of bags of IV solution and some food, and the pain in her leg was minimal at this point, though Paula had insisted she keep it raised.

Paula shook her head and set her purse on the bedside table, before sitting in the chair by the bed. She looked at Ashley, who'd lowered one of the railings on the bed and was sitting with her right leg stretched out on the bed before her, left leg dangling off the side. The head of the bed was only slightly raised, so she either had to lie down or hold herself up. It certainly didn't look comfortable, but the calm expression on her face said otherwise. She was lying back, holding Spencer's hand between her own and occasionally glancing at the sleeping blonde.

"Arthur and Anthony are on their way here, and your sister called as well, she said she'd be here soon. I still haven't been able to reach Glen, though I have no idea how he doesn't know with it being all over the news," Paula said and Ashley looked at her weirdly.

"When you say all over the news..."

Paula grimaced and switched on the TV hanging on the wall, turning it on 'Mute'. She flipped through several channels and it immediately became clear to Ashley what the woman had meant. Several news stations were showing old and live video of their house and a couple even seemed to be outside the hospital. The scenes of their house showed a half dozen police cars, red-blue cacophony of lights, as well as some ambulances and crime scene teams. Even though there was no sound she could easily imagine what they were saying, especially the ones in front of the hospital. She knew someone would have to deal with them eventually, but that job normally fell to her manager.

Ashley swallowed the bile that rose in her throat at the thought and averted her eyes. She turned onto her side on the bed, resting her head in her propped up hand, trying not to jostle Spencer or her injured leg. With her free left hand she caressed the blonde's cheeks, feeling the soft skin warm under her fingertips. "Come on, Spence, it's time to wake up," she demanded softly, stroking her thumb lightly over the girl's parched lips.

The hand that wrapped around her wrist to stop her movement was by no means strong or forceful, but Ashley stopped nonetheless and stared at the blonde. Spencer's fingers felt cold against her skin and she moved them from her wrist to entwine them with her own fingers. The brunette grinned lightly and lifted her head, reaching over with her other hand to run her fingertips over Spencer's lips, "I know you hate it when I do that, so you better wake up and stop me."

The hand in hers tried to pull away again to swat at the offending fingers and when Ashley looked down, she saw one blue eye squinting at her. She stopped her movement and smiled, leaning closer to block the probably blinding light.

"Ashley," Spencer rasped, voice hoarse and weak.

"Spencer," the brunette answered softly, but with a smile on her face. She ran her hand gently across the girl's face to brush away strands of stray blonde hair that stuck out from under the bandages.

The other eye opened as well and Spencer blinked away the blurriness. She saw Ashley right next to her, saw her mother behind the brunette and glanced around the room. Her head felt incredibly heavy and her body was weak; Spencer could easily tell she was in a hospital room and she felt the panic begin to rise. She raised her right hand again, feeling the IV tube and tape on her arm tug at it uncomfortably. Pulling her left from between Ashley's and her bodies, the blonde flexed it tentatively, frowning at the effort it took . She rested it on her torso and met the curious, brown eyes.

"What happened?" Spencer asked, swallowing against the dry feeling in her throat.

Ashley covered up her frown so quickly, the blonde could hardly tell it was there, but the quick flash of worry in the brunette's eyes didn't escape her. Reaching over with her left hand, Ashley brushed her fingers against Spencer's cheek and sighed, "You were shot, Spence. You don't remember?"

Frowning slightly, Spencer took the brunette's hand in hers, intertwining their fingers and looked at their joined hands for several seconds before responding, "I...guess...there was a lot of yelling and...a flash and..."

Spencer trailed off at the end, closing her eyes and Ashley squeezed her hand gently, "You know it was never a choice, right? I would have never picked him over you, Spence."

Blue, teary eyes stared back at her and the blonde's voice was barely a whisper when she spoke, "Yeah, I know."

She blinked the tears away, eyes looking anywhere but the face next to her. Maybe it was the intense headache or the fact that she'd been unconscious for a while, that could account for the strange confusion she felt. Maybe she was missing something. Maybe she was supposed to know something. Glancing around, her eyes finally settled on the body next to hers and Spencer gasped when she saw the brunette's leg in a brace.

"Ash, you got hurt," she said, voice stronger this time and finally met the brown eyes again.

Ashley grimaced and managed a shrug, "It's no big deal."

Spencer narrowed her eyes, despite the pain in her head, staring at the brunette, "You got shot?"

"Yeah, but, Spence, "Ashley started, reaching out to grasp the blonde's chin to make their eyes meet again, as Spencer's kept trailing to look at her leg, "you saved my life."

The intensity in the brown eyes told her it was no joke, but Spencer nevertheless felt like it was, "I did what?"

"If you hadn't grabbed the gun, he would've shot me in the chest. Josh would've killed us both, Spence."

A sudden buzzing erupted in her head, drowning out her thoughts and split-second images flashed through her mind at the brunette's words. Spencer stared at the older girl, a strange look on her face, "Josh?"

Ashley frowned, wondering if Spencer really was alright, "Yeah...Josh...my former manager. Spencer, what's wrong?"

Spencer let the images rush through her head, a frown on her face and when she finally met Ashley's eyes, her own were teary again, "What year is it?"

The panic began to rise in her and Ashley sat up abruptly, staring at the blonde. She'd thought they'd made it through, escaped from death's clutches once again, but she'd known no one was that lucky. She'd been right. Her throat felt tight and dry, she could hardly swallow against the lump in her throat and only Paula's hand suddenly on her shoulder kept her from losing it. She looked down at the blonde, trying to hide the panic surely showing on her face.

"What year do you think it is?"

"Ash," Spencer responded sternly, voice sounding a lot stronger than the brunette's.

Ashley swallowed again, wishing she had some water or something nearby. She glanced down to where her hand lay on the blonde's torso and sighed, before meeting Spencer's eyes again, "It's 2014."

Spencer's eyes widened and Ashley was about to say something, anything to make that fact seem less shocking, when she caught an elbow in the side. Too shocked to speak, she stared at the blonde, whose facial expression was a mix between anger and mirth.

"You ass!" Spencer said, making the growing confusion become even more evident on the brunette's face.

"Uh, what?" Ashley mumbled, surprised her voice worked at all.

"You let me think it was 2007," Spencer scoffed, meeting the confused brown eyes.

"I did what...how? Wait...so you know it's 2014?" Ashley risked a glance back at Paula, wondering if she was the only one that was nuts, but the blonde woman looked rather confused herself.

Spencer closed her eyes again briefly, sighing heavily, "You said it was never a choice...just like...Aiden and prom. And this...my head hurts and it feels like it did...after prom. You're not wearing a ring and neither am I and...I thought...maybe I just dreamed it all."

It took her several seconds to process what the blonde had said, but eventually Ashley exhaled heavily and smiled, shaking her head, "I'm sorry, I just meant because Josh wanted me to choose my career over you. And I didn't even notice about the rings...they must've taken them off."

Paula, who'd moved to grab her purse from the bedside table, stepped back up to the bed and held out her hand to Ashley. The brunette opened her palm and four rings dropped into it, making her look at her mother-in-law questioningly.

"They gave me all your personal effects, but I thought I'd keep those close by. I knew at least you would notice they're gone, honey," Paula said with a smile and Ashley suppressed the urge to make a face at the woman. She'd learned over the past few months that Paula just really liked to pick on her and it really wasn't an actually comment on her devotion to Spencer. The blonde woman decided to give the two girls some privacy, making an excuse about calling Arthur again, before leaving the room.

Spencer watched in silence while Ashley slipped first the promise ring, then the engagement ring and finally the wedding band on her shaking fingers, then took the brunette's wedding band to return the gesture. They were silent for several more moments, before Spencer closed her eyes again, trying to block out the increasing pain. She knew she'd been shot, Ashley had said as much, but part of her was afraid to find out what exactly had happened. Remembering the last time she'd woken up in a hospital with a killer headache sent the panic coursing through her again.

"You okay, babe?" Ashley asked softly, finally feeling like her heart was beating at its normal speed again. Maybe everything would be okay, after all.

Nodding softly, Spencer grimaced, before opening her eyes again. Ashley looked at her calmly, a soft smile on her face and Spencer tried to relax somewhat. She knew if something was seriously wrong with her, Ashley would be going nuts right about now, so maybe she didn't need to be panicking. Swallowing hard, the blonde forced herself to ask the question she wasn't sure she wanted answered.

"Ash," she waited until the brown eyes met hers until continuing, trying to keep her voice from wavering, "he shot me in the head, didn't he?"

Ashley felt that awful nausea and terror rise in her again, but pushed it down. Spencer was fine, she just had to keep telling herself that. Slowly, she nodded, reaching for the blonde's hand again, "Yes, he did, but you're fine."

"I'm fine, "Spencer repeated incredulously.

The brunette chuckled, still finding it hard to believe herself, "Yes, you're fine. Your doctor said the bullet hit the old plate and disintegrated; it looked bad at first, but they just replaced the plate and stitched you up. You've got a pretty bad concussion and the doc thinks you'll need some more physical therapy, but you're fine. He said...that plate saved your life..."

She trailed off some at the end, swallowing hard at the thought that if not for some incredible stroke of luck Spencer would not be with her right now. Spencer stared at her, the look on her face still showing disbelief. She clenched her jaw, seemingly lost in thought for several moments and finally cleared her throat before speaking, "So...if I hadn't gotten shot at prom...I'd be dead."

Ashley stared back at the blonde, letting that thought sink in, before nodding slowly, "Yeah, I guess so."

It didn't seem right, it seemed like some cosmic joke someone had played on them. It wasn't just incredible, it was totally impossible and she wondered who was looking out for them. But if they both were okay, if they were both alive, the odds of it happening didn't really matter anymore. She realized for the first time that it was finally over, the months of worry and extra security, of fighting over stupid stuff, of being afraid that they'd fall apart. Spencer smiled at the brunette, feeling the pain and the worry slip into the background, happy just to be with Ashley and to be okay. They'd finally be okay again.

"I love you, you know," Spencer said softly, feeling the familiar flutters in her belly at the sight of the smile spreading across the brunette's face.

"And I love you...I'm going to prove it to you, Spencer," Ashley said quietly, leaning closer to the blonde.

"Oh yeah?"

Ashley nodded, cupping Spencer's cheek in her hand, "Yeah, no more tours, no more interviews, no more recordings. I'm done, Spence. I want it to be just you and me, together, forever."

Seeing the intensity and determination in the brunette's eyes, Spencer didn't even think about talking her out of it. She knew they'd still have plenty of time to talk about the future, to live the future, though she couldn't hide the part of her that was thrilled to find out she wouldn't have to spend months without Ashley. Grinning, she reached up and pulled the brunette down towards her to press their lips together. Irregardless of what had happened and what would happen in the future, as long as they had each other, nothing could really go wrong.


	11. Epilogue

This is it, the end. I meant to put this up sooner, sorry. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and all those of you who have faithfully reviewed this!

* * *

**Epilogue**

2020

"...no, Gus, that's not okay. Well, I told you so and you ignored my sage advice...no, let Rick deal with it, he's the manager...Okay. I'll see you on Friday...Bye Gus."

The brunette rolled her eyes and shook her head in exasperation. Hearing chuckles off to her side, she turned her head and gave the boy a crooked grin, shrugging her shoulders, "I told him not to talk to the tabloids about the pictures. The Enquirer of all trashy magazines! It's not my problem everyone **really** thinks he's having a gay affair now."

The boy laughed again, especially at the exasperated expression on her face and steered them around a corner. It was pretty packed, hundreds of harried people dragging their luggage behind them, trying to make their gate on time, but it really was better that way. No one had paid them any attention, yet if there was one thing Anthony knew, it was that his aunt tended to be the center of attention wherever they went. He really didn't mind, he loved spending time with Ashley, and not just because it gave him a ton of cool points with his classmates.

Her phone rang again and Ashley groaned, glancing at the display quickly before picking up, "Hey, Chels, what's up? You wanna talk to Anthony?"

"Hey Ash," Chelsea responded on the other end, "no, I actually just wanted to let you know I got all the stuff you needed."

The boy made a grimace, hoping his mother didn't want him to come stay at her place instead of Ashley's again. Not only did the Davies mansion have a huge pool and game room, but his favorite part of the house, the music studio in the basement, was what really made the difference. He wanted to be a musician someday and having a famous producer in the family certainly couldn't hurt.

Ashley pointed to an area where some people were already mingling, probably waiting for their own loved ones to depart the plane, and Anthony followed her over. He was almost sad his grandparents were coming back, he'd been more than thrilled to find out he'd be staying with Ashley for two weeks. He'd learned a ton about being a producer and making music from her over the past weeks and really didn't want it to end.

"Great, thanks Chelsea. So everything is set then for Friday?" Ashley asked, eying the crowd of people.

"Yeah...you do know Spencer didn't want a party, right?" Chelsea asked, wondering why she was even trying. There was no deterring Ashley from doing anything.

Ashley laughed, both her and Anthony stopping at the edge of the waiting area, "It's the big 3-0, how could I not throw her a party? You know how she loves surprises."

"Not at all, if I remember correctly. But hey, it's your marriage, Ash, I'm sure you know what you're doing," Chelsea responded jokingly. "Is Anthony behaving?"

"He's a great kid. I think he'd make a great producer some day," Ashley said, winking at Anthony. "Hey, Chelsea, I think the plane landed, I'll talk to you later okay."

She hardly waited for a response before hanging up the phone, already bouncing eagerly on the balls of her feet. There were too many people in front of her to really be able to see, but she repressed the urge to fight their way through to the front. She frowned, wondering how she was so pathetic after only two weeks of no Spencer. Then again, she mused, they really hadn't spent much time apart over the past seven years and she certainly had gotten used to having the blonde always there.

If someone had told her fifteen years ago that she'd give up everything she had ever wanted, the fame and the tours and the fans, she would have declared them insane. But the reality was, she didn't miss it one bit. All she ever found herself missing nowadays was Spencer, especially over the past few weeks. It was one thing for the Carlins to invite them on a two-week European vacation, but to do it during a time when it was impossible for Ashley to go was just mean.

"Do you see them?" she asked Anthony anxiously, looking at the boy by her side. At thirteen, he was already an inch taller than her, something she only grudgingly admitted.

He'd been staying with her for the past two weeks, while the Carlins and Spencer were away and she really had enjoyed having him around. He was still quite the force of life and wanted to know everything there was about music production and recording, something she'd enjoyed teaching him. It wasn't nearly as glamorous to be the producer of a major label, but Anthony idolized her anyway.

"Sometimes I really wonder about you," the voice came from right behind her and Ashley startled so bad she nearly jumped.

She turned with a pounding heart and frowned at the smirk on Spencer's face. The blonde tilted her head, still smiling, "Gate C, 3:30, ring a bell, hun?"

Ashley raised an eyebrow and slightly turned her head to look at the display of the waiting area where they were standing. Gate D. She turned back to Spencer and shrugged, "I knew you'd find me, babe."

Spencer rolled her eyes, but nevertheless grabbed the brunette's arms to pull her into a bone crushing hug. Ashley closed her eyes, inhaling the distinctly Spencer scent and pulled back. She kissed her wife once, twice, three times before pulling away, "Did you have fun?"

"It was awesome, I have pictures. Did ya miss me?" Spencer smiled, linking their hands together as Ashley grabbed the blonde's bag off the floor and they walked over to where the Carlins were waiting.

"Anthony and I hardly noticed you were gone," Ashley said with a straight face and received a nudge in the side from the blonde.

"Oh, please, you went crazy without me."

The brunette shrugged, throwing the bag on top of the Carlins' luggage cart and grinned at Spencer, "Don't you know it."

After exchanging much quicker greetings with her parents-in-law, they made their way towards the exit, Anthony already regaling everyone with stories of their recent escapades. Ashley, glad to finally have Spencer by her side again, just reveling in the feeling of her wife's hand in hers, didn't even notice the group of reporters coming closer. It wasn't until they were completely in her and Spencer's way, that she stopped and acknowledged them.

"Ashley! We have some questions," one of them yelled and the brunette frowned. There were only maybe three reporters and a couple of camera guys, so it wouldn't be too hard to get rid off them. She knew they weren't here for her, nowadays no one really was, but when they saw a chance for some juicy details they'd try anything.

"I'm not going to comment on anything concerning Gus Hagins, please direct all questions towards Rick, he's the manager. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'd like to get home," Ashley said, voice not betraying anything she might be feeling. The way Spencer was squeezing her hand, she knew the blonde was telling her not to do anything stupid. As if Ashley Davies had ever done anything stupid in the presence of reporters.

"Ashley, today marks the seventh anniversary of the shooting that nearly took your and Spencer's lives. How are you guys coping?" another reporter asked and actually took a step back at the look crossing the brunette's features.

Clenching her jaw, she took a deep breath, knowing Spencer would be pissed at her if she punched a reporter. All she wanted was to go home with her wife and make up for some missed time, not answer stupid questions. "Josh Martin, and with him his lunatic attempt on our lives, has been dead for seven years, don't you guys think it's time to let things go? As you can see, we're both doing fine, but really, we'd much rather get home than stay here and talk."

She gave interviews every once in a while, when they ran out of A-list celebrities, or when another one of her signed bands hit it big, or, like today, when the anniversary of the shooting came up. It wasn't something she liked to talk about, or think about really, and it always made her somewhat stand-offish. Nevertheless, she could understand their curiosity. It had been a huge affair in 2014 - rockstar and wife shot in own house, former manager killed by bodyguards, followed by a near split of the band when said rockstar decided to retire from the life. She'd received a surprising amount of support, from fans, fellow celebrities and industry bigshots when she left Pandora's and eventually started her own label. Now, that she was a very successful producer and even more private than before, it made sense they wanted something every once in a while.

"How do you think Pandora's new album will do upon its release next week?" the first reporter asked, appearing to have gotten the message that she didn't want to talk about the past.

"It's a great one, I can tell you that. You'll just have to wait and see. But now, we really have to go, parking fees are killer here," Ashley ended with a smile, even drawing a few chuckles from the reporters, and pulled on Spencer's hand to lead them away. Although this was Pandora's second album release since she had quit the band, it was their first since she had signed them and it was causing somewhat of a buzz in the industry. She never regretted retiring and found that she got along with her former bandmates a whole lot better since she was no longer part of the band. Of course, she figured, part of that could've been due to the fact that a very remorseful delegation of Pandora's Box members had apologized profusely for not believing her in the first place. And now, as their boss technically, they could no longer get pissed at her for ditching them for Spencer.

The Carlins and Anthony were waiting for them just a few yards away, all having gotten used to the occasional reporter or fan accosting Ashley over the years. She turned to Spencer, looking at the blonde carefully, "You okay?"

Spencer met Ashley's eyes and smiled softly, nodding, "Of course. Actually, I think you're kinda hot when you're in interview mode."

Ashley grinned, all kinds of possibilities running through her mind as she looked at Spencer. What she'd told the reporter was mostly true, they were fine. She had a scar on her thigh, her battle scar as she referred to it, but otherwise had suffered no lasting problems from that night. Spencer still had her seizures and her residual weakness, but for both of them it was much preferred over the alternative. Ashley sometimes still expected to have some cosmic entity tell her they made a mistake and take Spencer away from her; she still couldn't believe their incredible amount of luck.

"So, are you done planning my party?" Spencer asked innocently, laughing at the look on Ashley's face.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Spence," Ashley mumbled, avoiding looking into the blonde's eyes. The blonde chuckled, pulling Ashley closer to her. She knew the brunette way too well to believe her and she was going to find out. Whatever it took.

The rest of the family just watched with shaking heads as Spencer wrapped an arm around the brunette to whisper something in her ear and take off. When Ashley chased after her to grab her from behind and the two started grappling like little kids, laughing, the Carlins only sighed knowingly. What were they to do anyway – it was Spencer and Ashley. And as long as those two were together they were the happiest people on earth.


End file.
